-Now, we're gonna play a little game
I like to call "Two Truths and a Pie."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right, all right. First things first.
I need a volunteer from the audience.
Anybody? I need a volunteer from the audience.
[ Cheers ] You know what?
You're closest, so how about you?
Come up. Come join. Give a round of applause.
Round of applause. [ Cheers and applause ]
Hello. How are you? Hello.
-Hello. -What's your name?
-I'm Geneva. -Geneva, very nice to meet you.
Okay, this is how it works.
Me, Aisling, and Tom are gonna each read a statement
about ourselves that we wrote down before the show.
Two of us will be telling the truth,
and one of us will be telling a lie.
Then, you are going to have to decide who is telling the lie
by throwing a pie in the liar's face.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's right.
But if you pie the wrong person in the face,
we enter "Pie for a Pie."
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
And what that means is,
that person gets to pie you back in the face.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.
You regret volunteering now, don't you?
-I would never do that. -No, I would never do that.
-We would never do that. -You're such a beautiful --
-Y'all ready for this? Can we try?
-You're absolutely gorgeous. -...even a tiny bit.
-Stop trying to persuade her. Okay?
-But I would not otherwise do that.
-We would never do that. -Shh!
I'll go first. Cue dramatic lighting.
[ Clears throat ]
Ooh.
I can already tell you this is true.
Okay. Whenever I order shots,
I always order water shots for myself
and make my friends take real ones.
[ Laughter ]
-Aisling, go ahead. -I'm gonna do the opposite
to that, basically. [ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ]
Oh, this was -- Yes, this was a very bad instance.
The last time I was in a hot tub,
there was so much chlorine in the hot tub
from the Airbnb owners cleaning it,
that I had chemical burns in my eyes
and a rash all over my hammy Irish body.
[ Audience groans ] Yeah.
-Sounds like a lie. I don't know.
Sounds like a lie to me. -Yours sounds like a lie.
-I don't know.
-Every weekend, I explore a different pawn shop
and try to find a new monocle for my art installation.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-All right now, what you got to do is,
you got to pick up one of those pies
and pie who you think is lying.
I can tell you it's not me. [ Clears throat ]
-I can confirm. -I'm just saying.
-Come on, help me out. Help me out.
I smell a lie. -Monocle? Come on.
No. It's not me.
-It's not me. -I've never even had alcohol,
so I -- -I feel like you do.
-It's -- It's gonna be a subtle lie, for sure.
-I believe in chlorine, maybe, maybe not.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
So, with that being said... -I'm just -- I'm just --
-It is -- [ Cheers and applause ]
Dang, your stylist is gonna love you.
[ Laughter and applause ]
So, wait. Thomas, tell us.
-I rented this sweater!
[ Laughter ]
-Were you telling the truth? -There's a sweater rental guy --
-You were lying! You were lying, you were lying!
[ Cheers and applause ] Oh.
Wow!
-By the way, when I read this on my phone in the car,
in my, like, $100,000 electric racecar...
[ Laughter ] ...I thought we were gonna
throw pies at the audience people.
[ Laughter ]
Doesn't that make more sense?
-Surprise!
-You look very comfortable. We're gonna do another round.
-I look kind of like one of the characters from "Frozen."
[ Laughter ]
-It's a snowman looking for his nose.
[ Laughter ]
-Round two.
♪♪
Cue the dramatic lighting. [ Clears throat ]
Here we go.
I have only eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
one time in my entire life.
-Unh-unh. [ Laughter ]
-All right, you're up.
-Okay, one night, I partied so hard
that I chased a cat into a neighbor's garden,
and then I woke up half-dressed on my neighbor's trampoline.
And then, his 6-year-old son found me...
[ Laughter ] ...on the trampoline.
Yeah, yeah. Not the best.
-Think that was an episode of "Goosebumps."
I'm just saying. [ Laughter ]
I don't know if that was real.
-What can you do to a man whose already been pied?
[ Laughter ]
-To the man who lost everything.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Does it even taste nice?
-Kind of does, though, is the weird thing.
Yeah, yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
It's okay. We're definitely related.
[ Laughter ]
I went for a heart scan, and when they gave me iodine
for the contrast, my face swelled up
like the little kid from "Goonies."
[ Laughter ]
-Hmm. -[ Sighs ]
Y'all are liars. I'm just saying.
-I'm sorry. You're talking, and it makes me nervous.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-I'm just saying. One time? Really?
One time? -One time. That's what's up.
-I've been to college. I get it.
You're trying me.
I really feel like you're testing me.
-Mm-hmm. -I know you like the pie.
-I don't hate it. I'm not mad --
-But I think I have to go this way.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Sorry. -Aaaaah!
-Oh, Lilly, Lilly. -It's so cold.
[ Laughter ]
-Welcome to white privilege.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Yes! Finally!
[ Laughter and applause ]
Okay, wait. Here's the thing, though.
Here's the thing, though.
I was actually telling the truth.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Which means, it's time for "Pie for a Pie."
[ Cheers and applause ]
So...
Now you all said you weren't gonna pie her.
She's an audience member. I feel bad.
I don't feel like I should be pie-ing -- kidding.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That was "Two Truths and a Pie," everybody!