You know how you avoid certain behaviors at work that you know
would cost you your job like spitting in the water cooler
laughing in your boss's face, eating other people's food in
the fridge or just like taking a piss in the break room. And yet,
when it comes to your relationship, there are things
that are on that level that you might be saying to your woman
all the time that are actively putting you at risk of losing
your relationship, which is why you need to stop doing and
saying these 16 things to prevent your relationship from
being status terminated. According to psychologists,
these are the strongest predictors that a relationship
is going to end. And in this video, I'm going to show you how
to go from being clueless, callous, and pissing her off
without even knowing why to being a truly masculine leader
inside of your relationship. I'm going to show you exactly how to
stop tripping over these hidden roadblocks to your relationship
while creating a stronger relationship to your woman so
that she feels loved, cared for and respected. And she gives
that love care and respect right back to you. Hi, I'm Caitlin V,
sex and relationship coach. You can find me here on YouTube and
on Instagram, dishing out sex and relationship advice. And I'm
someone who really cares about relationships, romantic
partnerships, not just my own, but yours as well. And as an
expert in men and masculinity. I have witnessed so many men
unknowingly step on landmines that jeopardize things inside of
their relationships. And it's not just men, women are guilty
of this too. I'm guilty of these too. So ladies, I want you to
also watch the rest of this video. Maybe watch it together
with your man unless y'all are on Rocky terms and maybe watch
it separately and learn about how you can do a better job of
maintaining the health of your relationship. All right.
According to top relationship researchers John and Julie
Gottman, there are four horsemen of the relationship Apocalypse
these are basically signs behaviors, that point that a
breakup is on the horizon. And these four horsemen are one
criticism, framing problems as your partner's fault to
defensiveness counter attacking and acting like an innocent
victim. Three contempt acting like your superior to your
partner and putting them down. And for stonewalling, icing them
out and refusing to engage. According to psychologist, these
are the strongest predictors, that a relationship is going to
end. But if you notice those inside of your relationship, it
is not too late. If you want to avoid a breakup, stop doing and
saying these 16 things, each of which fall into one of the
aforementioned categories. Let's get to it. Number one, it's your
fault. This is the same thing as saying you should feel awful,
and it is the epitome of criticism. All relationship
challenges involve two people. And by saying that something is
your partner's fault, you are omitting any responsibility you
may have to play in that potential scenario. Or let's say
that it really is their fault. There is nothing that your
partner can do or say to change what happened. So you can stay
constructive and move forward with a problem solving mindset.
You may say, Hey, I feel wrong in this situation. And I would
like to ask you to make it up to me. Number two, saying nothing
at all. This is the epitome of stonewalling and look, sometimes
during a difficult argument or conversation we freeze up. We
don't know what to say we don't want to say something until
we've thought about it or else we may come to regret it. That's
different than not saying anything at all. In that
situation. What you can say is hey, I'm getting heated up. I
need some time to think about this. Oh, let's revisit this
tomorrow. Let's revisit this next week. Let's revisit it in
10 minutes after I've had a time to have a short walk and take
some deep breaths. I'm going to go clear my head and I'll be
right back to clean this up with you. This lets your partner know
where you stand. It does not leave them in the dark wondering
when and if this is going to get resolved. Number three it's
saying you always or you never generalities and superlatives do
not help. Number one, it's not true. No one always does
something or never does something. Okay. It's not like
they've never taken out the trash, or that they always get
into a fight with your mom. It's just that that happens enough
that you feel agitated about it. But throwing those words into
the mix is always going to make your partner feel like they are
not good enough for you. And it may leave them feeling
defensive, angry and defeated. You can move the needle a lot
more by saying something like I feel overwhelmed when I have to
feed the kids dinner every night. Can you feed them
sometimes number four and this is probably the worst thing that
you can do. So if you're doing it can stop and that is saying
The B or D word, do not bring up breaking up or getting a divorce
unless you are ready to do it. It is extremely painful hearing
your partner mentioned divorce in the heat of an argument rocks
your entire world. Never and I mean, never make empty threats
about ending the relationship. When you threaten a breakup or
divorce, you destroy the very foundation of safety that your
relationship is built on. And saying this enough times will
put you on a path that you do not want to go down. So no, I'm
ending as I'm kicking you out, you go to sleep in your car. No,
none of that if you all need to take a break from each other
sleep on the couch, go to a friend's house, whatever. But
make it clear that you're not breaking up unless you actually
are number five thing you've got to stop doing is comparing your
spouse to anyone else. Cheryl always drives her kids to soccer
practice. Why can't you Comparison is the thief of joy
and comparing your spouse to someone else is going to steal
any and all joy that they have. In that moment, all she is going
to hear is you are a failure, I am disappointed in you and you
are not as good as other women, you don't even really know what
the person in front of you the full story to what's going on
for them. So leave other people out of it. And on that same note
here is number six, stop aligning with other folks. When
you align with someone else saying something like you see,
this is why my mom doesn't like you. You might as well just stab
her right in the heart and twist the blade in a relationship it
is your job to align with your partner, not ganging up on them
by aligning with someone else. In a partnership. If you expect
to be in a long term partnership, you want to have a
successful long term relationship, you have to be on
your partner's team. That's the very definition of partnership,
you are partners in the world, as Abraham Lincoln once said, A
house divided cannot stand unite with your woman stand together.
Even if your mom has a point, you're still playing on your
partner's team. Number seven, stop bringing up stuff that's
been settled. In the past, I'm just gonna come on there. This
is some bull shit, if it is dead and gone, if you have buried
that if it is something that does not need to exist, because
it's not relevant to the current situation, let it go. This is
quintessentially using guilt as a weapon to cause harm and pain.
And inside of a healthy relationship causing harm and
pain is never the goal. Essentially, what you're saying
to her is that you actually haven't forgiven her, you
actually haven't let something go, you actually are still
dealing with it. And look, you can have relationship trauma,
you're gonna really hurt you. And it might take you a while to
get over something, you need to be processing that suffering. If
you're still holding against her something that she did 235 1015
years ago, you need to process your shit on that because it no
longer has to do with her. It is all about what's going on inside
of you. And you need to not bring her into that that is your
responsibility. If you need something in order to forgive
someone, you let them know like an adult by bringing up stuff
that she literally can't do anything about. You're taking
the issue at hand, blowing it way out of proportion, and tying
it to things that span your entire relationship. Do both of
you a favor and leave the past in the past? If she has a
legitimate pattern, you can say that but do not guilt her over
stuff. Number eight, stop saying is it that time of the month?
Honestly, I would slap you right now for saying that. Look,
hormones do correlate with her menstrual cycle. Look, there are
three days out of every single month where the sky is falling.
Nothing anyone does near me can go right. I am a useless piece
of crap. And the sun is never going to come out again. And
then suddenly, it's like Wednesday, and I'm like, Oh,
it's just my period. It's fine. Things are good. The moral of
the story is that we do have cycles, we do have feelings, and
some of them are weird, and some of them are very strange. But
you pointing this out to us with judgment being nasty about it is
not cool. Because it is essentially undermining or
invalidating our actual experience. And this is nothing
for a woman to feel ashamed of. Please stop holding your female
partner to the standard of men. She's not a man. And unless you
want her to be a man, you get to accept and celebrate and be in
total bliss and joy, that she is a woman and her being a woman
means that she's going to have cycles. That means eventually at
one point in the month, she might be emotionally really,
really low. And if you have a legitimate point, if you're
actually
Are you thinking you know what this might be in that little
three day window where she feels like crap, you can say something
along the lines of like, I'm here for you. I understand that
this is tough. I feel in a couple of days, you'll probably
feel better. Just remember that this is temporary. But I totally
understand why you would feel that way. Give us a little bit
of respect on that one thing to stop saying number nine. What
were you thinking? Oh, my God, I cannot I don't know what I was
thinking. I was obviously thinking something that doesn't
align with it. You were thinking, but rehashing that
right now doesn't um, crash my car. This will make her feel
judged and like she can't be trusted and it will definitely
make her feel shamed by you. And shame is kind of the opposite of
sexiness. So put number 10. Stop saying are you going to eat that
or don't eat that society has made all of us worry enough
about our waistline without you chipping in. She is the only
person who knows how much she is going to eat. She's the only
person who knows how much it is appropriate for her to eat.
She's the only one who knows how much she wants to eat. On this
particular occasion. She is going to eat until her stomach
tells her that it's time for her to stop eating. Now, if y'all
have agreed to hold each other accountable for overeating, like
that's something you've talked about figure out a way to do
that in a way that feels good to both of you. Number 11. You're
just like your mom. Okay, first of all, her mom is a saint, she
probably makes delicious pot roast. And second, of course,
she's like her mom. She was nurtured and nurtured by that
woman for like at least 18 ish years of her life. And thirdly,
no one is exactly like their mom. So stop. This is hurtful to
everyone. But it is especially hurtful to women who have poor
relationships with their moms whose moms were unloving or have
toxic relationships or are narcissists or have other
personality challenges that make it hard for her to be compared
to her mom. But not just that maybe she does love her mom. And
all you're doing is casting judgment on to her and to one of
her closest most loved family members, the woman who literally
brought her into this world, just don't do it. Alright,
number 12. Stop saying I don't care. This is actually another
way of stonewalling. And it hurts just about as bad as
saying nothing. All you are shutting her out. And what's
worse is that you're actually shutting yourself out. Because
by saying you don't care, you're essentially denying that there's
anything to care about. And the only thing that hurts worse than
hearing nothing is hearing that you actually have no empathy, no
energy and no care and consideration to put into the
relationship at that moment. It hurts Please stop saying number
13 Are you seriously upset right now? If you've heard the term
gaslighting, this is it. This statement littles it cast doubt
on it judges your partner's emotional experience or users
are upset about this mean you invalidate your partner's
feelings like that what you're really doing is letting her know
that you are not capable of being with her and seeing her in
her emotion. And that just basically denies her existence a
little bit. That's like chipping away at the block of feminine
love. So change your same into something like I can see that
you're upset or I can see why that would upset you validating
her experience without necessarily endorsing it, or
letting her continue to go on an emotional tirade, you can
actually be really supportive just by saying, Hey, I totally
understand why you're upset. Number 14, you were so hot when
we met please do not compare us to the US we used to be I mean,
basically all I'm hearing when you say that is you're not
beautiful anymore, because that's essentially what it means
to say that so instead of looking for the things that you
don't find attractive about her, find the things that you do find
attractive, the things about her that are timeless, her beautiful
eyes, her charming smile, the way that she works a party or a
room compliment and find those things and pretty soon you will
find more and more things about her that you love number 15 of
16 Is that what you're wearing? If she's wearing it, then yes,
that is what she's wearing. And number 16 Did you finish if you
are not 1,000% sure that she has orgasms then you are not giving
her the best sexual experience instead of not being sure if
she's orgasm to please do everything you must do to blow
her mind and attend to her pleasure so that you can be the
best lover she has ever had. And if you are not sure whether or
not she came, then you must this is not optional. This is an
assignment from your sex coach. Go check out my course she comes
to it is a masterclass in female pleasure. I'm going to teach you
how to give her orgasms How to know that she orgasm, the weight
to read that she's about to have an orgasm, exactly what to do
when that moment comes. It's got a 90 day money back guarantee.
You can go read and watch all my videos download all that
information into your brain and if it doesn't give her mind
blowing, earth shattering ground, quaking, peel her off
the ceiling orgasms then you can
Just email us no questions asked money back. You owe it to
yourself and you owe it to your partner you did not just sit
through this whole video, and listen to me list those four
horsemen of the apocalypse and all 16 things that you might be
enacting them for you to then not deliver in the sack. I want
you to not be just great at holding space and being an
awesome partner and validating her emotions, but I want you to
lay excellent pipe. So go get it. So if you follow everything
that I've said here, you are able to unlock a healthy,
masculine mindset of leadership. All 16 of those things are shit
that boys say. If you are ready to be a man in your
relationship, or eradicate those out of your vocabulary and be
calm, the kind of man that is deserving of her love has earned
her respect and then be an excellent lover. I'm Caitlin V.
Thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure that you are
subscribed and I will see you here next week.