Hi everybody.
This is Clayton Olson and I’m back with Camille Virginia from MasterOfflineDating.com.
And in today's video, we're going to be talking about how to break the ice and get him to
ask you out.
And this is how to get him to break the ice and ask you out in the real world, not online,
not Ok Cupid, not Tinder and none of that, we're talking about the real world here.
So, Camille thank you for coming back on video and I'm really excited to have you again.
Yeah thanks for having me.
Yeah so let's dive right in it.
What do you do if a guy approaches you and he engages you?
First let's just start with that scenario: How do you respond?
What do you do as a woman?
So as a woman I feel like it's my job to make it easy for the guy to come up to me and comfortable.
So, you know we would, in the last video, we went over some ways to be more approachable
so if a guy comes up to you just keep in mind that whatever he says it's going to be something
random.
Probably because he's trying to think of this in a split second before you're, you know,
you're walking opposite directions and it's going to be something that's easily and immediately
relatable so just go with it.
Like maybe he compliments your shoes, maybe comments on the weather, whatever.
If a guy says something to me immediately I'm like – I'm assuming interest until proven
otherwise which I think you know a lot of people can be very literal.
They're like, “Oh yeah.
Well he complimented my pink crystal necklace,” like that's my nice.
And the guys like, “Wait that was the only thing I get things to say…”
Now she's gone and [it’s a] missed opportunity.
So, when a guy comes up to you, whatever he says just unless it's creepy, that we're assuming
that this is not a you know maybe duh yeah this is a nice guy coming up to you just go
with it.
So, tell a little story.
So maybe he complimented your scarf say, “Oh thanks so much.
I got that on a trip in Ireland and then you know you can either go back and forth or maybe
that's where it ends right there.
So, after you've beaten the icebreaker topic to death whether it's you know one minute
or ten minutes so I’m talking about your scarf, as a woman ask, “how's your day going?”
And that throws the back at him, it's a personal question and then he could see it wasn't really
about the scarf, was he shopping for his sister and when you asked how his day's going he's
like, “Oh it's good you know had a good one.
Bye,” Or is he like, “Oh thank God we're not talking about the scarf anymore and she's
actually asking me a personal question.”
You can actually get into a conversation.
I love it.
One of the key points that you said in here was that you assume interest – that you
assume that the guy is approaching you because he is actually interested in getting to know
you and possibly attracted to you.
And I think that it is so important and you mentioned it and then you moved on to some
other really juicy tips.
And I just want to pause for a minute and open that up for the ladies that are watching
this because if you don't assume interest what ends up happening is that you're actually
not setting the frame.
You're not setting the context for what you want and then the way that you behave, right,
the way that you behave if you think the guy is not interested is you'll probably be a
little bit shut down.
Or, he'll start to feel that you're actually not interested in him.
But assuming that interest is like giving the green light every step of the way right,
so we talked about in the last video giving the green light in the beginning before he
approaches you, and then this is giving the green light wall and interaction it's happening
in a really subtle way and it just happens inside of your mind and it totally influences
the way that you show up in the interaction.
It's beautiful.
Yeah.
Thank you.
It took me a long time to get this and I mean only reason I know everything I do now is
because I did it wrong the first time so don't feel bad if this you know new to you.
You know it's easy things you can start to implement but I also do wingwoman sessions
with my private clients.
And it's amazing how, you know I'll watch obviously, they're working with me because
they want help in this area, I’ll watch them miss certain things from men when we're
out and about together.
And you know help them bring attention to that but I've almost forgotten how not to
assume interest and so just as a rule assuming interest until proven otherwise we'll keep
you in that “I love you” said frame of mind and set that frame for a romantic encounter
– potentially romantic encounter.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
And, we can't forget the idea of just, what you said, asking the question to throw it
back in his court and not just actually being engaged and co-creating the conversation rather
than allowing him to carry the burden of the conversation on his shoulders the entire time
because that's just a recipe for awkwardness, right.
But being able to have some questions loaded up that you asked him to keep him getting
engaged and get him perhaps talking a little bit about himself and then having the opportunity
to ask you questions back that's wonderful.
It’s very natural and authentic and easy to do.
And then people can answer with as much context as they want or as little context as they
want.
Yep.
Yeah.
Wonderful.
So, let's say that you see somebody that you want to approach now and as a woman, how would
you break the ice with guy?
So, several different ways that I've foundered are again very natural but also comfortable
and get the job done.
So, one is to just get the compliment.
You know, how many times do see someone and think in our head, “Oh wow I love that guy's
shoes or watch or woman's dress,” or something and we just think it to ourselves.
We don't say it out loud.
I challenge you to say it out loud without hesitation.
The longer you have the harder and the more awkward it's going to be so say it.
So, if you see that with a guy you know just go for it.
Or, if you're not comfortable with that start with maybe men you're not attracted to or
other women and get comfortable talking to strangers.
And then work your way up to men you're attracted to.
No one's ever going to get mad at you for saying a compliment you know.
They're not going to be like, “Who are you creepy person talking to me?”
Like I've done this thousands of times and that has never happened.
Or think that you're needy or desperate because you complimented them.
Exactly.
If anything, it shows confidence for taking the courage to say that.
So, worst case scenarios in your head think about it and think if it’s really going
to happen because it's not.
Another thing and this is just my style because I have kind of a sarcastic sense of humor
but I will just kind of say something out loud half to myself.
So, an example of this: I live in Chicago and this was taken early one morning and everyone
got out of this stop.
And it's like seven in the morning.
No one's had their coffee.
We're all looking like zombies and the train driver pulled up to the next stop.
He's like, “have a great day everyone train for Tuesday.”
And we were all like – it just shook us out of our seat and everyone looked around.
I call that a “shared moment” because I think I said something like “someone’s
had their coffee.”
And the guy next to me was like “Yeah.
I take the train every morning and this guy is great.”
We started talking.
So, you know it could just be a little quick talk to yourself.
Being Ninja.
Yeah.
It shows off my personality you know and if someone would like to talk to you then that
is the perfect ice breaker for them to then follow up with that.
I love that.
What I hear that's happening here the essence of it is you're being comfortable putting
yourself out there in ways that not aren't necessarily direct right.
You're not actually just coming up and saying, “Hey I want to talk to you.
What's your name?”
You're actually putting yourself out there in ways that are giving compliments or just
even saying something out loud about something that's happening is another form of putting
yourself out there.
And it's giving a man, I mean I'm imagining being a guy in the subway and hearing that
it's like oh wow that's a perfect opportunity to say something to you right.
Because the ice has already been broken and now I can swim in over and say what's up yeah
oh good analogy yeah love it love it and by the way when you say “what’s up?”
Oh, good analogy.
Love it.
By the way when you say complimenting the guys say watch or something that he's wearing,
do you recommend that women stay in the conversation but at that point?
Or do you think like if you're out in a social scene it's okay to say compliments and then
not be attached to the conversation turn it into something immediately but almost like
kind of like giving the guy a little bit of a nudge that you're in a room that you've
noticed him and then being okay to disengage from the conversation and perhaps engage with
him later too?
Absolutely yeah.
I would say I mean it's already a little scary for people to talk to strangers and or to
talk to someone they're attracted to so to break the ice and then put the pressure on
yourself to keep it going to be a little rough.
But you know actually another tip that I have to break the ice is what I call, and this
relates strictly to what we're talking about, but it's called the Hi and Ignore.
And this sounds a little weird but it's basically you know when you and a guy, you're looking
at each other and you see each other and there’s a little flirtation going on and no one knows
what to do next.
You know your kind of like, “What do I go over there.
I don't know what's going on.”
And so just saying that one word of hi and smiling and then not running away, not staring
him down but just saying that one word and then just kind of giving him space to come
to you which is what I would recommend after the giving a compliment too can be so powerful.
Because you broke the ice and you know you made it safe and comfortable for him in one
word to realize you're a nice person.
You're open to talking and that you see him and then give him a second to realize what
just happened because this doesn't happen a lot you know.
And then let him let him gather his thoughts and come over to you.
Wonderful.
Yeah that would work on me.
Yeah that would work.
It's wild – it's almost like the perfect storm.
Sometimes as a guy I feel like these things just happen by accident and to hear how you're
talking about them being orchestrated in a way of like actually orchestrating these moments
where it seems like it's just happening so naturally.
I love the intention behind it and it yeah, it's great.
I love that you're pulling back the curtain and showing the mechanics of how this stuff
can unfold with a woman putting a little bit of effort in but not actually emasculating
the man by trying to take the lead too much and strong-armed the interaction which is
it's beautiful.
Thank you.
Yeah and I say talking with a guy now and you guys are in conversation how do you take
it to that next level?
How would you get him to either ask you out or get your number from there?
So, with this again just keeping it very natural and I love how you just described you know
the kind of authentically orchestrating these things because you know leaving somebody to
chance it's just – it's hard you don't want to walk away from that inner you want to walk
with an interaction knowing that you get everything you could.
And it's been still keeping your authenticity so with this one say you're chatting but the
icebreakers asking how your day is going, telling little stories to get it steering
towards the scouting the phone number ask, what I recommend is start talking about like
common interests or hobbies or things that like plans for the weekend.
So, it's good because it will get you thinking of activities that can actually then easily
become a date.
So, I'll give you an example: I was at a party a few years ago, and I was talking to this
guy.
There was interest and somehow the topic of barbecue came up and he said, “Oh there's
this place on the south side of Chicago with supposed to be amazing barbecue.”
I've never been and I said, “I love barbecue.”
I just let it sit there and he's like, “we should go sometime.”
And he thought it was his idea which you know was fantastic.
And it was just so authentic and natural and you know he became a boyfriend for a while
so yeah.
So, it's just—it's making it so easy and natural.
Again, the green light right.
The green light every step of the way without telling him what to do completely that it's
almost like inception.
That’s what it reminds me, you’re just putting – yeah – your pretty ideas in
his head through this this indirect way of just expressing yourself.
Yeah.
And it's just naturally steering the conversation and if it's stuff that they came up without
you thinking about it, would lead better – lead to a phone number a scout.
But here you're just conscious of it and inserting it intentionally.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
Well this video's think right and thank you for going into such depth and giving some
real concrete examples for the women that are watching this video.
I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
I know I do.
And if somebody wants to follow up with you and get a little bit more information about
what you do, where do they go from here?
So, I have a free guide called Best Encounter: The Ultimate Guide to Turning a Chance Encounter
into An Epic First Date.
And a lot of the tips that we covered are in there and so many more 50 pages.
So, happy to give that to your listeners for free and they can find that at http://www.masterofflinedating.com/clayton.
Beautiful.
Camille, thank you for coming onto the show again and the link that you just said is in
the description right below this video.
So, ladies please click on that and check out her best date ever guide and thank you
for watching.
And thanks for being here Camille.
Thanks for having me.