- You'll soon be at peace.
Man: I'm dying?
No, your wife is. (laughing)
That is messed up, man!
(electronic music)
Memes are a great way to waste time,
and a little procrastination never hurt anybody.
Bee-whoop!
Doctor: what do you see?
Her: A virgin in his forties.
(laughing) Okay, get out.
And the girl's so smiley in the picture.
It makes it even better.
A classic Franklin story.
Franklin fakes an injury to get Percocet. (laughing)
I hope Franklin isn't doing that
because then he's gonna be part of the opioid epidemic.
Franklin, shape up.
When you're talking about class with your friends
and your non-med school friend is sitting there like...
You know, that's funny, whenever I try and talk
to my friends about med school and it gets deep,
they just tell me right away, they're like,
"Mike, nobody wants to hear this."
Mom: He's about to go viral any day now.
You started an Instagram for him?
I didn't vaccinate him. (laughing)
I got the black lung, Pop.
Your throat is sore and swollen?
These giant unswallowable horse pills
should clear that right up.
I have to constantly remind myself
that a five-year-old or a seven-year-old
cannot swallow these mega horse pills.
But I'm gonna give you a strategy right now
on how to swallow large pills.
You ready?
You take the pill.
You put it on your tongue.
Take a water bottle,
preferably one that's three quarters of the way full.
Tilt it up and then suck in
so that the water bottle crumples a little bit, and swallow.
You won't even feel the pill going down.
Polio, hepatitis, tetanus breaking in,
and then you have like a little essential oil Cheeto
or Dorito or whatever that is holding the door.
Essential oils.
What are you doing?
Polio has a rod in your Cheeto!
Food falls, bacteria after five seconds:
it's free real estate.
Bacteria don't hang out and go wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Chills, bros, gotta give it a few seconds.
No, they just hop right on.
Doctor: what brings you here today?
Me: my car, ha ha.
Doctor, writing in chart: "not sexually active" (laughs)
When you're ready to memorize the entire semester
in 12 hours. (laughs)
Yo, this was me, it's Thursday.
My test is on Monday, and I'm just sit down.
I have Broxy sitting below me
and she's just looking up at me,
waiting for me to take her out
'cause she just loves to play all the time,
and I'm like, "No. I have to watch these lectures."
And I would go, in one day,
watch two weeks of lectures, just bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Then Friday, again, watch all the lectures.
Bam, bam, bam.
Then Saturday and Sunday, practice questions,
practice questions, practice questions.
And then come in Monday; do well on the test.
Doctors told this man that he had only one year to live.
He worked hard and proved them wrong.
He died in two months. (laughing)
That's messed up.
T-Pain full name; Tylenol Painrelief.
If that's really his name, that's really funny.
I know it's not his name.
Taking a test: 12, C, 13, C, 14, C, 15, C.
Me: Well, one of these gotta be wrong.
Oh my God, when I saw a few in a row that were C or B,
I would be having a panic attack
and I would go back to try and change one of them
and I wish I didn't do that.
Your first gut instinct is usually the right one.
I have bad news, and worse news.
The bad news is you have 24 hours to live,
And the worst news?
I meant to tell you yesterday.
(laughs)
2009, 2019 ten year challenge.
(laughs) Oh, that's so good.
It has all these carbs in 2009,
and then insulin in 2019 because you became a diabetic
in ten years from maxing out on the carbs.
Refined carbs are evil, people.
All right, I'm gonna get off my high horse
because I love cookies and cream milkshakes.
Master P out here looking like a mitochondria.
He kind of does look like a mitochondria.
Doctor: Why did you take your antibiotic at 6am,
when I told you 9am?
By the way, that happens.
I wanted to surprise the bacteria.
I think the picture makes this meme better,
because the guy's just like
You don't surprise bacteria.
They surprise you.
Me: I'm so scared for this exam.
Also me: (laughs)
There's something powerful when you're
nervous about an exam,
and you act naughty and not study and watch Netflix instead
it feels good for some reason,
I don't even know where that goodness comes from.
When you gotta straight jacket the Med student
so he don't touch your sterile field.
(laughs)
I'm not gonna lie, when I was going into my first surgeries,
I did touch the sterile field,
or at least come close to touching the sterile field
and I got yelled at.
I probably could have benefited from
one of these straight jackets myself.
That one molecule of serotonin trying to keep me
going throughout the day. (laughs)
I like this one.
Serotonin is what you get inside of the brain
that helps elevate your mood along with dopamine.
If you connect the measles,
it spells out, "My parents are idiots."
(laughs)
Anti-vax people, what are you doing?
Come on Facebook, just forty more likes
and I can save that little girl's... (laughs)
People always make fun of me like,
"Do you think you took that selfie
while the patient was dying?"
No I didn't take the selfie while someone was dying.
It takes ten seconds to take a selfie
or for someone to take a picture of you.
How I felt when I was in high school.
Albert Einstein.
How I feel being in Med school, (laughs)
Planet of the Apes.
It's easier to do well in a small town,
in a small school because there's
less people to compete against.
Then you go to a med school,
or you go to a competitive university like Harvard
and all of a sudden you're surrounded by people
who are all brilliant, and who were all
killing it in high school, that can be really stressful.
And its important to not consistently
look at what others are doing and how they're performing,
and judge yourself based on that.
She's suffering from Appendicitis.
(laughs) That's really funny.
I wonder who that model is.
Family medicine doctors describing their salary.
It's ain't much, but it's honest work.
Pretty much all of primary care belongs here,
pediatrics, psychiatry, family medicine.
Lady: am I okay?
Paramedic: it's just a scratch on your leg.
Lady: let me see.
The leg is in the other ambulance.
(laughs) Oh!
Want the good news or bad news first?
Good news please doctor.
Well they're naming a disease after you. (laughs)
I wonder what the bad news is.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cats can.
Meow!
Girl: Why don't we get vaccines?
Dad: Honey why would we trust doctors
when we can trust the internet?
Boy: I miss my brother.
Girl: My blood hurts.
(laughs)
Anti-vaxers are gonna destroy my channel after this.
Me when my classmates are talking about their answers
after the exam.
I was the worst when it came to this.
No joke, after the test,
I would run up to my classmates who were in my BSDO program
and I'd be like,
"What did you get for the one that was about this?
What did you get for the one that was about this?
What did you put for the--"
And everyone was like, "Mike you're so annoying,
we just want to relax, leave us alone."
Don't worry buddy, I've got some essential oils
doing their work.
Hells ya bruh, that lavender oil is kickin' in.
That's (squeaking noise) fire.
I swear to god the essential oil community
and the naturopaths are coming to get me.
Doctor: The disease is gone.
Her: So my son is gonna be okay?
I just told you he's gone.
(laughs)
Oh my god these things just get worse and meaner and meaner.
Why can't we just create funny memes that are just,
ya know, happy and uplifting?
How does the-- the most evil thing ever.
Doctor: These tests show great health.
Nice.
They're not yours, you're barely alive.
The cockiest hospital I have ever seen.
Ooh, I like this hospital.
You know this is a good time to bring this up.
You know this staff, that's supposed to represent
medicine and doctors?
That's the symbol of gamblers, robbers,
and thieves or something.
It has nothing to do with medicine.
We've misinterpreted the use.
The correct is one staff with the snake going around it.
Using the opthalmoscope for the first time feels like.
(laughs)
Oh my god, ophthalmoscope is that thing that we use
to do a fundoscopic exam.
What you're supposed to learn,
and if you didn't know this,
is if you're looking at the patient's left eye,
as a doctor you should be using your right eye to look,
So that you're not making out or touching eyes.
And then when you're checking their right eye,
you should be using your left eye.
And I've seen doctors mess that up,
where they're looking at their left eye,
and the doctor's using their left eye,
and they're almost kissing the patient.
Oh, that's the awkward.
Doctor: You remind me of my cell phone.
Woman: How?
Because you're about to die.
(laughs) Oh my god.
Can't even charge her.
If you enjoyed this video,
you're definitely gonna love this one,
click here now, and stay happy and healthy.
But click here.
(upbeat electronic music)