I’m a cat! I’m a kitty cat! And I meow, meow, meow when I meow, meow, meow.
(Music) LOGO.
Hellooo everybody! It's officially Halloween season, and you know what that means! Halloween
videos! We're making ‘em happen! In the spirit of the season, I am talking about one
of the spookiest genres and that is paranormal fiction. Specifically, I'm breaking down the
shittiest paranormal tropes out there, and boy does this genre deliver! In honor of paranormal,
I've decided to dress up for this video as a cat–and not just any cat! I'm a shifter
kitty. Meow! So sexy! I lick my own butthole! Before we get started, I am giving some love to
Skillshare who has a generously sponsored today's video! Skillshare is my all-time favorite online
learning platform featuring thousands of classes in creative writing, graphic design, business,
marketing, and a bunch of other stuff! What I like about Skillshare is that it's geared towards
creators, which means it's perfect for writers! If you're a hobby writer like Butters, they have
classes for that. And if you want to turn writing into a full-time career like I did, they have
classes for that, as well! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Plus, so many classes are taught by people
in the know, like New York Times bestselling authors, famous journalists, and YouTubers like
me! I've got two marketing classes on Skillshare just for writers! One is all about how to build
a successful writing platform. The other is a step-by-step guide to launching a book, especially
if you're doing it on your own. I definitely recommend checking ‘em out! Skillshare’s got some
goodies just for you guys! Stick around until the end of this video to find out more. But first,
let's get into these embarrassing paranormal tropes, shall we? I think we shall!
What do you think, Butters? What do you think? Do you wanna listen to some paranormal tropes?
Oh, thank you! I love you! I love you!
Number One (1): “Hello? Is someone there?” Gotta love a dumbass who walks straight into danger without any
common sense or survival instinct whatsoever. I think there might be a ghost in my scary,
empty house, so I'm going to wander through the dark searching for it because that's the
logical thing to do! I've come into contact with a violent spirit, but I'm just gonna convince myself
it didn't happen and stay in the exact same place where I almost got murdered. Paranormal
fiction has some of the dumbest characters alive, and it is infuriating. If you want us to mourn
their eventual death, at least make ‘em fight to stay alive! Number Two (2): Sex. Cover your ears,
Butters, this is too graphic for you. Look at your tiny head! I don't have a problem with sex
in fiction. In fact, a lot of the time, I enjoy it and even write it. What I don't understand is
how paranormal fiction transitioned from dark and scary to dark and filled with penis. It's become a
genre so intertwined with erotica that whenever you pick up a paranormal story, you pretty much
have to assume it's gonna be filled with the fucking. Call me crazy, but I like variety
in my fiction. I miss reading about vampires that were horrifying, and evil, and didn't have raging
boners. And I'm fine with sexy paranormal creatures and a little bit of boom-boom,
but does it have to consume the entire genre? What if I feel like reading about the Mothman,
and I don't want to see his moth dick? Where the hell am I even gonna find that? Which brings us
to Number Three (3): Alphas. How did anyone write werewolf fiction before alphas, betas,
and omegas? Oh, right! They just wrote stuff that was scary, and multi-dimensional, and fun
to read! I forgot. I swear to God, every single werewolf book that comes out is about screwing the
alpha wolf. ‘Taming the Alpha.’ ‘Taken by the Alpha.’ ‘Avoiding this Entire Genre Because of the Alpha.’
I like werewolves! They are some of my favorite paranormal creatures, but this particular trend
can die. We get it, he's a douchebag AND he's in charge, and for some reason people find this
sexy. But the werewolf and Wolfman lore have so many different options that don't involve getting
it on with a dog man, so methinks we can move past this. Number Four (4): Ownership. Because slavery
is sexy, right? Anyone? Anytime I see a book where a vampire or a werewolf owns a human being,
I get uncomfortable. Sex slavery is a legitimate problem that ruins lives. Feels like a very tone
deaf choice to make, I'm just sayin’. Number Five (5): Multi-species love triangles. Will she choose
the vampire or the werewolf? Will she choose the werehedgehog, or the sloth shifter? Will she
choose the electric toothbrush or the cucumber? Love triangles on their own are pretty annoying,
but paranormal writers feel like they're spicing things up by making the romantic options different
species. You can either have sex with an animal or the undead. What enticing options! How ever
will I choose? This is made especially annoying by the fact that no one ever chooses polyamory. If
you can't pick one creature over the other, fuck 'em both! Number Six (6): One-thousand-year-old
creature dates sixteen-year-old mouth-breather. So he's an ancient pedophile...got it. I don't care
if he looks 16, he is a THOUSAND years old. His tastes should logically be WAY more refined. What
could a teenage wet blanket offer to someone who has literally seen centuries of history? He's seen
the rise and fall of civilization, but he totally wants to hear all about how Becky is such a bitch!
This trope is special because it makes me scratch my head and puke in my mouth all at the same time!
Number Seven (7): “Get away from me before you get hurt! I'm a monster! Dark and mysterious,
unlike my eyes–a blazing blue. I keep to the shadows, avoid attention at all costs. You can
tell because I'm always shirtless. You don't want to mess with me; you'll only get hurt,
either by my animalistic instincts or my enemies. But I'm still going to stalk you and have sex with
you because hypocrisy is my only character trait!” This is the least believable paranormal trope,
because I don't know any woman who would go for it. If a man says I should run,
I'm gonna run. He doesn't even have to tell me to run. I'll probably do it anyway. If any
man approaches me in the middle of the night, best believe I've already got my pepper spray ready.
Number Eight (8): Google solves ALL of our problems. Really? Just like that? Look,
research is important. However, I don't know if you've noticed, but the Internet is filled with
all kinds of information...and a lot of it is false. But your characters somehow managed
to find the perfect website in an instant and it happens to have the answers to ALL of their
questions. Sounds fake, but okay! Not only is this about as believable as my last point,
it's not interesting! Stories thrive on conflict. Characters are supposed to try and fail. Giving
them all the answers they need in one quick Google search is a cop-out. Number Nine (9):
We're not vampires, I swear! Instead of vampires, they're called blood walkers. Instead of zombies,
they're called infected. Why can't you just call ‘em what they are? Writers often do this for one
of two reasons. One, you're trying to be fancy because you're above the genre. Spoiler, you're
not above anything, ya pretentious rat bastard! And two, you're embarrassed. You don't want to
admit that you're writing vampires and werewolves. If you're embarrassed by your own genre,
you probably need to stop and assess that on your own time. Don't make readers suffer just ‘cause
you're insecure. Number Ten (10): “One of us! One of us!” Your female heroine has been a shifter her
whole life and never knew it...until now, because conveniently, her abilities didn’t pop up until
some arbitrary event like her 16th birthday or the full moon. I'd wager there have been
many full moons throughout her lifetime, but this one is different...’cause reasons! I love a good
reveal or twist, but you gotta give a believable reason as to why the character had no idea
what their species was until now. The birthday excuse isn't cuttin’ it anymore. Nothing special
happens on your 16th birthday except for maybe hormonal acne. And bonus, Number Eleven (11):
Bears. What the hell is with all the bears? Of all the shifters possible, the community has rallied
around bears. Why? I don't get it! Am I supposed to find bears sexy? I'm looking at this guy in
a whole new light, and I don't like it. If anyone wants to explain this to me, I prefer you didn't,
‘cause I don't think I wanna know. So that's all I got for you today! A HUGE thank you to
Skillshare for sponsoring this video! If you'd like to learn more about writing or publishing,
I definitely recommend checking out Skillshare! I have learned SO much through their platform.
You can also take my two marketing classes on Skillshare. And even better, you can take them for
free! An annual premium subscription to Skillshare is less than $10 bucks a month. However,
Skillshare is currently offering two months of Skillshare premium for FREE to anyone who clicks
the link below. Click the link and cash in on two months of access to THOUSANDS of classes for
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