Hey everybody.
Happy Wednesday.
And it's also a very happy day.
Because I had to go to jury duty thismorning.
Womp womp.
But then I got dismissed.
Yay!
And I didn't even have to like pretend.
And be like, 'Everybody's guilty.'
Or 'Hang 'em high.'
Or anything.
I just sat there and caught up on paperwork.
And, you know, answered emails.
And played Candy Crush.
Because what else is a girl supposed to do when you are stuck there all day long.
So it was amazing.
And I don't have to be on trial.
Hooray!
So that was cool.
And groovy.
And I don't have to call anymore.
And don't have to deal with it for a whole nother year.
Woop woop.
Thank you judicial system.
So on Wednesdays, aka hump day.
I'm on the Website.
And I am also on youtube.
So if you asked your questions on yesterday's video.
I've already answered some.
So you might want to get on and check that out.
I'm also on the website.
Under Kati's videos.
Brrt.
And at the bottom, Q&A for videos.
Or #KatiFAQ for videos.
I think is what it says.
And I've answered some of those also.
So you might want to get on and see if yours is answered.
But I have three today.
And some of them are a little longer to read.
So lets get crack a lacking.
And I have a journal topic so, thanks Megan.
And it sounds like somebody hurt themselves in the back.
I hope Sean's okay.
Okay. Question number one.
'How can you tell if you've stopped dissociating?'
'I feel like I get, I do it so frequently or intensely that when it starts to let'
'Up a bit. I can't tell if I am still dissociating or that it's'
'what 'real life' feels like. It's very confusing,'
'And it kind of freaks me out.'
'Any suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.'
Now I thought this was a great topic.
And I know I did a video on it before,
So if you want to search that if you haven't watched it.
You can check out, you can just search
Kati Morton Dissociating.
And my video will come up.
And if you want me to do another video on that.
Let me know below.
And let me know what you'd like me to talk about.
Because sometimes I don't know how much more of it you need talked about.
Or what parts of it you want things talked about.
So it always helps when you let me know what you'd like me to talk about.
But when it comes to dissociating,
The reason that we do it.
And it's actually, sometimes you need to tell yourself, like,
'Good job. I was really creative and intelligent and when the bad things were'
'Happening. I learned a new way to cope.'
Because that's what dissociating is.
And you kind of are looking at yourself from like 50 feet above.
Or whatever.
Almost pretending that whatever's happening is happening to someone else.
And the best way to notice when we have stopped.
Is that we actually feel things again.
Emotion.
Our life seems more colourful.
There is like bumps in the road of it.
There, you know, we feel stress or anxiety.
Or ups and downs.
Happiness.
It is, we feel life.
The thing about dissociating is that we don't feel.
Now I know that sounds like a really simplistic way of explaining,
Something that is really difficult.
And maybe that's something I talk about in another video.
Like how to know when you're dissociating.
How to come back.
I think I talked about that already a little bit.
But anyway.
You let me know.
But the best way to tell when you have stopped.
Is that you are actually feeling emotions.
Because dissociation tends to take us out of that.
And kind of protect us from the bumps in life that are emotions and experiences.
Okay.
Question number two.
And this is a little bit longer one, so bear with me.
'Hi Kati, will revenge or confronting my abusers make me better?'
I thought this was a great question.
'When I was 19 I had a court case, it was six years ago now for'
'Childhood sexual abuse.'
Well I will sum it up.
Because I want you to understand the main question is,
Will revenge or confronting my abusers make me better.
Like help me heal.
And she talks about how she went to court.
Yay.
If any of you have suffered from this.
You deserve.
They deserve to be punished.
And you deserve to get some of that, like revenge / confronting.
Went to court.
They were found not guilty.
And now she finds herself waiting outside his house.
Like wanting to confront him.
And to feel like, okay I can resolve it.
And it will be better because I can be like,
'You son of a bitch. blah blah blah.'
And it will make things better.
And my first thing is.
Consider your own safety.
People who abuse,
Not always, but most of the time.
Can be dangerous.
And we don't really want to put ourselves in positions to potentially be hurt again.
Whether it's just emotionally.
Or horribly worse if it's physically.
So you don't want to do anything to put yourself in danger.
I don't want any of you to get in positions where you could lose your life.
Or be traumatised again.
I don't want any of that to happen.
So please please please be careful.
Don't go following people that have abused you.
It's really dangerous and just, you know, if you haven't reported please report.
Now back to the question.
Will confronting them actually make me better?
And the answer is no.
Now I know it might give you some resolve.
Like 'Yeah, I really stuck it to them'.
But at the end of the day.
The real reason you're hurting is because what happened to you.
And that even though you spoke up and reported it.
That nothing came of it.
And that can be really detrimental to ourselves.
It can make us feel really shameful and embarrassed.
It almost feels like we can be traumatised again.
Or abused again.
And so I would encourage you.
Instead of trying to lash out on the abuser themselves.
Which they deserve it.
I mean, I'd egg their house.
Right.
Like that's, they're really wicked horrible people.
But it won't make it better.
Because at the end of the day it's about how you feel.
Your experience.
What you have gone through.
And what you really need to do.
Is work with a therapist.
Maybe seeing them multiple times a week.
Processing through this.
Processing through the hate, and the anger.
And all of that stuff that comes up.
When we have been abused.
Or when we have been traumatised.
And the fact that we feel wronged.
And when you process through that.
And you begin to heal.
You will see that by lashing out at them actually doesn't make you feel any better.
Because we're not actually helping you.
We're just expressing the anger on the person that deserves it.
But at the end it doesn't undo what's been done.
Does that make sense?
Sometimes I feel like I am talking in circles.
But I hope that's clear.
And I get, it's not abnormal to want to like, you know,
Tear their arms and legs off.
And beat them with them.
Or whatever.
Because they are horrible people.
But it's not going to actually help you heal in the end.
Okay. Question number three.
'Hey Kati, I love your videos.'
'And I was just wondering if it's bad if'
'I have to see my therapist more than once a week?'
'I only saw my precious therapist one time a week. And I'm just curious'
'Because the past few weeks I've been seeing her, my therapist, two or more'
'Times a week. I feel like I am an inconvenience to my family because'
'They can't ever make plans because I have therapy. I feel like they are'
'Starting to get annoyed with my therapy. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense'
'Or if the questions are all over the place.'
It's not at all.
You are very good at writing questions.
I completely understood.
And yes it's very normal to go more than once a week.
Usually the way that it works.
Just to give you kind of an overall look at it.
Most people when they are not in an intense situation.
Feeling really overwhelmed.
When it's not really like a high stress.
Or a really rough point in their life.
They go once a week.
Because things are pretty maintainable.
But when we feel like we are in a time of crisis.
And everything is happening.
It's overwhelming.
Once a week is not enough.
And sometimes it can feel like twice a week isn't enough.
Because so much is happening each day.
That we are like, ahh.
And it can really hard to maintain on our own.
So it's perfectly fine.
It all depends on our level of need.
People come once a week.
People come twice a week.
People come three times a week.
Some people come three times a week and have groups the other nights.
It all depends on your level of need.
And what support you kind of are desiring to help you work through it.
And in my experience.
When we are in crisis, we need the most support we can get.
So I would encourage you to see your therapist as many times as you feel necessary.
And there will come a time when you are going your second or third time that week,
And you are like, 'I don't really have anything to talk about'.
And that means that you are going too often.
So then you titrate down.
Just notice how you feel.
If you have so much to talk about and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
Keep going that number of times.
Because that's what you need.
Okay.
Question, eh not question number four.
Journal topic.
Thanks Megan.
I thought this was really cool.
And I haven't done this before.
And I haven't even heard of this before.
So you are amazing Megan.
Thank you so much.
And this is something that she has done.
And it's really helped her.
And it's called, 'Worry time'.
We could all use this, by the way.
'I struggle with my concentration.'
'Partly because I have a lot of worries, and just thoughts running around'
'And around in my head.'
Right. Don't we all.
Amen to that.
'I have been taught to as soon as one comes into your head,'
'Write it down and then put it away. I try to push the worry to the back of my mind'
'Then in the evening I set aside 15 minutes of time to worry about all of the things'
'That I have written down during the day.'
'It takes a while to get used to. But it's good at being able to control the thoughts.'
I thought that was really cool.
Because do you ever feel stuck or like can't focus.
Or you're studying for something and you just can't do it,
Because you've got this thing running around.
And I am a list maker.
For any of you who have been following me for a long time.
I love post it notes.
I am a list, I make lists of lists of lists.
So writing it down and then coming to the end of the day and then thinking about it.
Makes complete sense to me.
It's like making a little worry list.
So I love this.
Give it a try.
Let me know what you think.
Let me know if it helps.
And thank you so much Megan.
Have a wonderful evening everybody.
I will see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be Thursday, and I will be on twitter.
So ask your questions there using the #KatiFAQ
Bye!
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