- PEOPLE OFTEN ASK ME-- THEY COME UP TO ME
ON THE STREET OR EVEN ON A SIDEWALK,
AND THEY'LL SAY TO ME,
"ELLEN, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR IDEAS?"
AND I ALWAYS SAY THE SAME THING,
"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS," AND--
BUT I WILL TELL YOU--
I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.
WHAT I DO IS-- AND I'VE DONE THIS FOR YEARS--
WHENEVER I HAVE A RANDOM THOUGHT,
I WRITE IT DOWN.
I WRITE IT ON A CARD,
AND I DROP THAT CARD IN A SPECIAL BOX,
AND THEN I SOMETIMES WILL LOOK AT THEM,
AND I'LL GO, "OH, I SHOULD-- YOU KNOW, THAT'S AN IDEA."
SO IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE READ THEM,
AND I THOUGHT, "WELL, I'LL JUST READ SOME NOW."
IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU, I'D--
[cheers and applause]
SPECIAL BOX.
THIS IS MY SPECIAL BOX.
ALL RIGHT, THEY'RE JUST RANDOM.
DON'T EXPECT--THIS IS JUST WHERE I GET MY IDEAS,
SO IT'S NOT A FULLY FORMED IDEA, OKAY?
UH...
[laughs]
OH, TO YOU. OKAY, I'LL READ 'EM.
I WAS GONNA READ 'EM MYSELF.
"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE SAY, 'MAYBE, MAYBE NOT'?"
I MEAN, ISN'T THAT THE WHOLE POINT OF "MAYBE"?
THAT COVERS THE "MAYBE NOT."
"I'M SO HAPPY THIS BIG BOOTY TREND HAS TAKEN OFF.
I CAN FINALLY ADD OREOS TO MY GROCERY LIST."
[cheers and applause]
"WHY DO YOU CUSTOMER SERVICE PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK
"IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE THEY CAN HELP ME WITH
"WHEN THEY CAN'T EVEN HELP ME WITH THE ONE THING
THAT I CALLED TO ASK THEM TO HELP ME WITH?"
[cheers and applause]
"WHAT DO YOU SAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE TEA?
'IT'S NOT MY CUP OF COFFEE'?"
[laughter]
"I BET IT'S EASIER TO SUCCEED IN EUROPE
BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE TO GO THE EXTRA KILO-METER."
[laughter]
OR KILOMETER.
I CAN'T SAY THAT. THAT'S--
THAT SHOULD NOT EVEN BE IN THERE.
OH, A COOKIE.
"WHY DOES WALDO ALWAYS GO OUT AT SUCH BUSY TIMES?"
[laughter]
THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
WE WOULD FIND HIM EASIER IF HE WEREN'T.
"I WONDER HOW RICH THE INVENTOR OF THE SLIDE WHISTLE IS."
HEY, SOMEBODY LOOK THAT UP WHILE I READ THE NEXT ONE,
AND BRING ME MY SLIDE WHISTLE, PLEASE.
ANDY.
"HERE'S ONE WAY CATS HAVE DOGS BEAT:
"LOOK AT ALL THE REALLY BIG CATS.
"THERE'S LIONS, TIGERS, CHEETAHS, LEOPARDS, PANTHERS.
"WHAT ARE THE BIG DOGS?
"COYOTES, ST. BERNARDS,
CLIFFORD."
OH, THANK YOU.
[whistling tone plays]
THANKS, ANDY. HERE, COME GET IT.
[laughter and applause]
"I JUST WATCHED THE SEASON FINALE
"OF 'SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?'
I WISH IT WASN'T OVER."
THAT'S A RANDOM THOUGHT,
BUT UNLESS I HAD THE TOP SIX DANCERS FROM THIS SEASON
AND THEY'RE HERE RIGHT NOW, THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music playing]
- [singing] I'M DANCING ON MY OWN
- DANCING ON MY OWN
- I'LL MAKE THE MOVES UP AS I GO
- MOVES UP AS I GO
- AND THAT'S WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW
MM, MM
THAT'S WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW
MM, MM
BUT I KEEP CRUISING
CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP GROOVING
IT'S LIKE I GOT THIS MUSIC
IN MY MIND SAYING IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT
'CAUSE THE PLAYERS GONNA PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY
AND THE HATERS GONNA HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE
BABY, I'M JUST GONNA SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE
SHAKE IT ALL, SHAKE IT ALL
- HEY, HEY, HEY
JUST THINK WHILE YOU'VE BEEN GETTING DOWN AND OUT
ABOUT THE LIARS AND THE DIRTY, DIRTY CHEATS
OF THE WORLD
YOU COULD'VE BEEN GETTING DOWN TO THIS SICK BEAT
- MY EX MAN BROUGHT HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND
SHE'S LIKE, "OH, MY GOD"
I'M JUST GONNA SHAKE IT TO THE FELLA OVER THERE
WITH THE HELLA GOOD HAIR
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER, BABY?
WE CAN SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE
YEAH, OH
- 'CAUSE THE PLAYERS GONNA PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY
AND THE HATERS GONNA HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE
I'M JUST GONNA SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE
SHAKE IT ALL, SHAKE IT ALL
- YOU GOT TO - SHAKE IT ALL, SHAKE IT ALL
SHAKE IT ALL, SHAKE IT ALL
[cheers and applause]