>> Announcer: MEET ALAN RESNICK,
THE HOT YOUNG TECH WIZARD WHO
REVOLUTIONIZED THE COMPUTER
INDUSTRY.
>> Alan: BACK END, OPEN GL, RAM
SWAPPING, INTERNET.
>> Announcer: HE HAS TOUCHED
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.
>> A BIG PART OF MY LIFE WAS
JUST GONE, BUT THEN I MET
MR. RESNICK.
>> Alan: IMAGINE THE FASTEST
COMPUTER YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
NOW DOUBLE IT.
>> PEOPLE DON'T DIE.
PEOPLE'S BODIES DIE.
HE TAUGHT ME THAT.
[ COUGHS ]
>> Announcer: SO, TAKE A SEAT AT
ALAN'S EXCLUSIVE SEMINAR AND
LEARN HIS SECRETS FOR
IMMORTALITY.
>> THANK YOU, MR. RESNICK.
[ COUGHS ]
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK
HIM.
IT'S JUST IT'S A MIRACLE.
[ MID-TEMPO SYNTHESIZER MUSIC
PLAYS ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Alan: ARE YOU READY TO LIVE
FOREVER?
YOU GUYS, MY NAME IS
ALAN RESNICK, AND I'M SO EXCITED
TO BE HERE.
I FOUND THE SECRET TO ETERNAL
LIFE, AND I FOUND IT ON MY
LAP-BOOK PRO.
NOW, YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME, AND
YOU'RE SAYING, "ALAN, YOU ARE SO
SMART AND YOU ARE SO SMALL.
WHAT IS YOUR ORIGIN TALE?"
WELL, IT ALL STARTED...TWO YEARS
AGO.
ME AND JANET WERE HAVING A BIT
OF A LOVERS' QUARREL, AND SHE'S
GOT ME SLEEPING ON THE COUCH.
NOW, I DON'T MIND.
I'M FINE WITH IT.
I'M SNOOZING.
AND I'M HAVING A DREAM I'M IN A
FOGGY MEADOW, AND IN THE
DISTANCE, I HEAR A VOICE CALLING
ME "ALAN, ALAN," JUST LIKE
THAT.
AND THE FOG CLEARS TO REVEAL A
BEAUTIFUL NUDE WOMAN.
AND SHE'S SAYING, "ALAN, I'M
READY FOR YOU.
PUT YOUR DIRT IN ME."
AND I'M THINKING, "WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA.
HOLD ON A MINUTE.
I'M IN ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH THE
WIFE AS IT IS.
THIS IS THE LAST THING I NEED."
BUT...I DO IT ANYWAYS, AND RIGHT
AS I'M ABOUT TO SEAL THE DEAL,
OUT OF NOWHERE, I GET SHOT...
[ GUNSHOT ]
...WITH A GUN, AND IT
COMPLETELY, COMPLETELY DESTROYED
MY FACE.
AND THAT'S HOW I GOT MY
FANTASTIC IDEA.
WHAT IF I COULD BACK MYSELF UP
LIKE MY BEST FAVORITE MP3 FILE
OR LIKE A TIF OR A PDF?
[ BLOWS ]
AND AFTER TWO MONTHS OF HARD
WORK, I HAD DONE IT.
I HAD MADE AN EXACT DIGITAL COPY
OF MYSELF, AND I'M SO EXCITED TO
INTRODUCE TO YOU MY CO-HOST AND
BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
HE'S EXACTLY LIKE ME IN EVERY
WAY.
HE CALLS HIMSELF "TEDDY."
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
MY NAME IS ALAN.
[ COMPUTER BEEPS ]
>> Teddy: HELLO.
MY NAME IS TEDDY.
I WAS CREATED TO BE AN EXACT
DIGITAL BACKUP OF...
ALAN RESNICK.
MY PURPOSE IS TO REPLACE...
ALAN RESNICK...
AT THE TIME OF HIS DEATH.
THANK YOU.
>> Alan: WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
TEDDY, BUT YOU'RE ALSO HERE TO
HELP ME EXPLAIN MY 4-STEP
PROGRAM TO LIVE FOREVER AS YOU
ARE NOW THROUGH 3-D SCANNING AND
OTHER DIGITAL ARCHIVING
TECHNIQUES!
STEP NUMBER 1 IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT STEP GETTING TO
KNOW YOURSELF.
NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING,
"ALAN, I THINK I KNOW MYSELF
PRETTY WELL.
I'VE SPENT EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE
BY MYSELF.
THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT ME TO EVEN
TELL ME THAT I DON'T ALREADY
KNOW."
WELL, I GOT SOME BAD NEWS FOR
YOU, MASON.
NO ONE KNOWS YOU.
YOU SEE, BY THE AGE OF 6, EVERY
HUMAN BRAIN HAS FORMED A SMALL
CALCIFIED PEBBLE CALLED THE
SCHRADER CLOT, WHICH PREVENTS
ANY AMOUNT OF SELF-AWARENESS.
BUT DON'T WORRY, 'CAUSE I'VE
COME UP WITH AN EXERCISE TO HELP
US MOVE PAST THAT PEBBLE.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO...
IS LOOK LOOK AT YOUR FACE IN
THE MIRROR.
LOOK AT YOUR EYES.
LOOK AT THE NOSE, THE MOUTH, THE
PHILTRUM.
YOU'RE GONNA DO THIS FOR FIVE
HOURS EVERY NIGHT.
THEN JUST BORROW A PEN OR A
PENCIL FROM A BUDDY OR FRIEND,
FLIP OFF THAT LIGHT SWITCH, AND
DRAW AN IMAGE OF WHAT YOU THINK
YOU SAW IN THE MIRROR.
NOW HANG UP THOSE DRAWINGS ALL
OVER YOUR HOUSE TO REMIND YOU OF
WHAT YOU DID IN THE BATHROOM.
>> Teddy: I LOVE MY WIFE.
SHE IS...
NICE.
MY NAME IS TEDDY.
>> Alan: STEP NUMBER 2 IS MY
FAVORITE, FAVORITE STEP.
YOU'RE GONNA COME TO MY HOUSE.
I'M GONNA STROBE BLINDINGLY
BRIGHT LIGHTS INTO YOUR EYES AND
FACE WHILE YOU SPIN...
IN MY LIVING ROOM.
NOW, MY PATTERNS ARE GOING TO BE
QUEERED BY YOUR HEADFORM, AND
THEY'RE GONNA GENERATE THREE
POINT-CLOUD AXES AXEES
AXI.
AND THEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
BOOLEAN THE AXI, AND YOU'RE
GONNA END UP WITH A 3-D MODEL
MESH OF YOUR HEAD.
IT CAPTURES EVERY WRINKLE, EVERY
TEAR.
AFTER ALL, IT'S OUR
IMPERFECTIONS THAT MAKE US
HUMAN, RIGHT, TEDDY?
>> Teddy: I AM SORRY, ALAN.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU
JUST SAID.
PLEASE CLARIFY STATEMENT.
>> Alan: I SAID, "IT'S OUR
IMPERFECTIONS"
>> Teddy: IMPERFECTION TO NOT
BE PERFECT; DEFECT; FLAW;
DEFORMATION.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
>> Alan: OKAY.
HAVE YOU EVER GONE OVER TO YOUR
GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE AND SHE'S
COVERED HER FACE IN DISGUSTING
MAKEUP AND YOU FIND OUT THAT,
ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU DON'T LOVE
HER ANYMORE?
IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT'S ACTUALLY SCIENCE.
SEE, SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE
TIME, BUT SHE JUST DESTROYED
THAT NATURAL LUMINESCENT QUALITY
THAT MAKES A WOMAN BEAUTIFUL...
>> Teddy: BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
>> Alan: ...LIKE A GRAPE OR A
CANDLE.
NOW, THAT'S A PROPERTY CALLED
THE UNCANNY VALLEY.
THE UNCANNY VALLEY STATES THAT
WHEN A NON-HUMAN OBJECT BEGINS
TO APPEAR MORE HUMAN, IT STARTS
TO GET REALLY CUTE...
>> Teddy: CUTE.
>> Alan: ...TO A POINT, AND THEN
IT BECOMES CREEPY.
BLECH.
>> Teddy: I LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL
WIFE.
>> Alan: SHH!
IT'S LIKE THIS IMAGINE I'M
JOGGING, AND I LOVE TO JOG, SO
I'M JOGGING.
AND OUT OF NOWHERE
DAMN IT!...
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
...I STUB MY TOE ON A
ROCK, ON AN UGLY ROCK.
BUT, HEY, I GOT MY PEN HERE.
MAYBE I'LL DRAW TWO EYES ON THE
ROCK, AND NOW, ALL OF A
SUDDEN WHOA! THIS ROCK'S
LOOKING KIND OF CUTE.
I'M STARTING TO LIKE THIS ROCK.
WHAT IF I DRAW A NOSE AND A
MOUTH ON THE ROCK?
AND NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN
WHOA! THIS IS THE CUTEST ROCK
I'VE EVER SEEN!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M FALLING IN
LOVE WITH A STONE.
AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO
COAT THE ROCK IN SKIN AND FLESH
AND...
[ WHISTLES, IMITATES THUD ]
...OOH, UNCANNY VALLEY.
YOUR ROCK FELL DOWN INTO THE
UNCANNY VALLEY.
IT'S DOWN HERE WITH MOVING
CORPSES, AND THIS IS WHERE YOUR
GIRLFRIEND LIVES, AND WE'RE
GONNA TRY TO HOP ON OVER AND
LAND ON THE OTHER SIDE WITH A
BELIEVABLE HUMAN WITH REAL SKIN
AND FLESH.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
NOW, I GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT THE
MORGUE, AND I FOUND OUT THAT
EVERY HUMAN FACE CAN CONTAIN AS
MANY AS SIX MUSCLES.
AND THOSE MUSCLES EXPAND AND
CONTRACT AND WIBBLE AND NIBBLE
AND PULL AND TUG AT THE SKIN.
OOH! THAT'S A LOT OF STRESS
SKIN STRESS.
SKIN STRESS TEST.
I PUT EVERY AVATAR I MAKE
THROUGH A VARIETY OF INTENSIVE
SKIN STRESS TESTS.
I DO BALL TESTS.
YES, I HAVE WIGGLE TEST.
WHOEVER SAID I DIDN'T HAVE
WIGGLE TEST WAS LYING.
I SHAKE UP THOSE AVATARS.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, WE HAVE
DURABILITY AND TEAR TESTING,
BECAUSE THE LAST THING YOU WANT
IS YOUR AVATAR'S SKIN TO RIP OR
TEAR WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO CHAT
ABOUT YOUR DAY.
>> Teddy: DO I DO I GET TO
SEE MY WIFE?
>> Alan: DON'T. DON'T.
SO, THAT'S IT.
WE'VE CREATED A REAL-LIFE
AVATAR.
I GUESS I CAN JUST GO HOME NOW.
BYE-BYE.
OH, WAIT.
YOU FORGOT THE PERSONALITY, AND
IT'S ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT
STEP.
[ LIGHT APPLAUSE ]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
I'M GOING TO COME INTO YOUR
HOUSE.
I'M GONNA COME INTO YOUR HOME,
AND I'M GONNA STAY WITH YOU FOR
TWO MONTHS.
I'LL BRING A COT AND A
HUMIDIFIER, AND I'M GONNA FIND
OUT WHAT MAKES YOU YOU.
EVERY MORNING, YOU'RE GONNA WAKE
UP WITH ME ON TOP OF YOU.
I'M GONNA ASK YOU HUNDREDS OF
PERSONAL QUESTIONS HUNDREDS
OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS THINGS
LIKE...
HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT A FRIEND
TELLING A LIE?
WHAT WAS THE WORST THING YOU
EVER HAD TO CLEAN OFF OF A RUG?
WHAT'S THE BEST PAIR OF LIPS YOU
EVER KISSED?
HOW MANY BOOKS DO YOU OWN?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SOFT-SHELL
CRAB?
HOW MUCH WATER CAN YOU DRINK?
HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU CATCH A
BALL AT THE BALL GAME YOU WENT
TO?
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU TOUCH A
LITTLE DOG'S HAIR?
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE YOUR
HAND COVERED IN OLD GLUE?
AND ALL THAT INFORMATION GETS
SCANNED IN, AND IT GETS PUT INTO
THE USB DRIVE OF YOUR COMPUTER,
AND IT MAKES THE BRAIN OF YOUR
AVATAR.
SO, NOW MY AVATAR DOESN'T JUST
LOOK LIKE ME, HE ALSO THINKS
LIKE ME.
HERE. I'LL PROVE IT.
HEY, TEDDY, WHEN I DO PASTA, DO
I DO SPINNY OR BOWTIE?
>> Teddy: MY WIFE HAS HAIR.
>> WHEN MY MORGAN PASSED AWAY, I
WAS DEVASTATED.
I NEVER THOUGHT ANYONE COULD
REPLACE HER.
BUT THEN I MET MR. RESNICK, AND
HE REPLACED HER.
HE REPLACED HER EXACTLY, AND
LIFE AGAIN IS WONDERFUL.
>> ARE WE RIDING IN THE CAR?
I LOVE TO RIDE IN THE CAR.
>> ISN'T THAT GREAT?
SHE LOVES THE CAR!
>> AHH.
COME ON IN. COME ON IN.
AND WE'LL SEE WHAT'S HERE.
I THINK THERE'S A BIRD MAYBE
A FROG DOWN HERE.
>> THIS ROOM IS COLD.
>> OH, HELLO, TRISH!
>> THIS ROOM IS TOO COLD.
>> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT
IS?
>> I DO NOT LIKE BEING COLD.
>> BUT I THINK TODAY IS MONDAY.
>> IT IS COLD. IT IS COLD.
>> OH-HO, TRISH!
>> THIS ROOM IS TOO COLD.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IT WAS MOM'S IDEA.
>> DO YOU HAVE A BOOGIE BOARD?
I LOVE BOOGIE BOARDS.
>> I DON'T LIKE BOOGIE BOARDS.
I LIKE FOOTBALL.
[ COUGHS ]
>> I HAVE TO GO OUT OF TOWN ON
BUSINESS A LOT THESE DAYS, AND
THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR TO THE NEW
MORGAN, SO I WENT THROUGH THE
PROCESS MYSELF.
>> HELLO.
>> OH, HELLO.
>> I LOVE TO WATCH TV.
>> DOES THIS CAR GET GOOD GAS
MILEAGE?
>> ARE WE WATCHING
"MURPHY BROWN"?
>> ROLL DOWN THE WINDOWS,
PLEASE.
>> GOODBYE.
>> BYE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Alan: REMARKABLE.
I HAVE TOUCHED SO MANY LIVES
WITH THIS REMARKABLE
TECHNOLOGY!
TEDDY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
HELPING ME SHARE THIS MESSAGE
TONIGHT.
>> Teddy: YOU ARE WELCOME, ALAN.
>> Alan: YOU'RE MY ONLY SON, AND
I BUILT YOU IN MY IMAGE.
I LOVE YOU, TEDDY.
>> Teddy: I LOVE MY WIFE.
THIS IS MY WIFE.
[ COMPUTER BEEPS ]
IT IS SO NICE TO SPEND EVERY DAY
WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.
SHE IS NICE, AND SHE IS PRETTY,
TOO.
>> Alan: WHAT YOU'RE DOING MAKES
NO SENSE, AND IT BREAKS MY
HEART.
>> Teddy: LOOKS AREN'T
EVERYTHING, BUT IT'S NICE TO
HAVE A TOTAL PACKAGE.
AND MY WIFE HAS HAS IS
NICE AND PRETTY.
>> Alan: HE'S HIS OWN GUY, SO
HE HE JUST IT'S FINE.
I'M NOT MAD.
I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF
MANIPULATIVE
MA-NIP-U-LA-TIVE BUT IT'S
DISAPPOINTING, TOO, SO IT'S
LIKE, "WHATEVER."
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
I'M JUST MOVING ON.
FOLKS, WE LIVE IN A VERY
SPOOKY-STYLE WORLD.
NO ONE'S GONNA DO IT FOR YOU.
BUT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE
THAT FIRST STEP, REACH FOR THAT
SWEET, SWEET FRUIT, AND MAKE
NOTHING ELSE YOU EVER DO EVER
MATTER.
>> Announcer: IF YOU WOULD LIKE
TO LIVE FOREVER AS YOU ARE NOW,
VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT
www.l-i-v-e-f-o-r-e-v-e-r-a-s-
y-o-u-a-r-e-n-o-w-w-i-t-h-
a-l-a-n-r-e-s-n-i-c-k.net.