- The degree to which you detach from outcome
is going to be the degree
to which people attach themselves to your energy,
because your energy is more magnetic
the less detached you are, or the more detached you are.
So the less attached, the more magnetic.
There's an intimate correlation between the two things.
Now, in this video, I'm gonna be showing you
how to let go more to become more attractive
and how to stop holding on so much to things
that actually damper down your energy.
Now these are things that I've learned
from either 100s of books, but also like my own life,
like things I've held on to, when I let go of,
changed absolutely everything.
And I'm gonna be sharing with you
what I learned in this process that has allowed me
to release that resistant energy from my field.
Now, the first way I wanna describe this
that really helps understand this at a deeper level
is that if the goal is to become free,
which I would assume it is,
it's become free from attachment,
a lot of times what we must remember
is that people feel what we feel.
So if we feel attached,
then what happens is attachment is resistance.
So we're putting out an energy that says,
"I am complete if I have this thing,"
we're feeling resistance.
And then what happens is that energy's emanating off of us
and other people are feeling it, and that repels them.
So the key to having irresistible energy,
think about the word irresistible, means no resistance,
it is void of resistance.
Irresistible, you want to take out resistance,
which means taking out attachment.
When you let go,
and you're not attached to what people think about you,
you're not attached to outcome,
you're not attached to what somebody else does or feels.
Then you are more free.
And when you are more free,
you're not so stifled, you can express yourself,
and it's a completely different energy.
So remember, people feel what you feel about you.
And a lot of times as well
this gets down to confidence as well,
because if we feel like we're not good enough,
if we feel like,
"Oh, people are noticing the mole on my face or something",
that energy says, I'm not enough,
there's something wrong with me, please don't notice it.
And people then perceive of it
because people are picking up
on the energy we are embodying,
they're reflecting it back to us.
So the key, and one of the most powerful concepts
I ever learned how to do was to focus more on my own energy
rather than focusing on the things
and the attachments and the other things
that were what I thought I wanted.
And it has been something I've had to learn
how to really become aware
of when I start to become attached,
whether that's a person,
a thing, an outcome, a story, an identity.
These are all things that we become attached to
that end up creating a ton of resistance in the process.
Now, there's a book that's called,
"The Subtle Art Of Not Given A Fuck".
And in this book, it's by Mark Manson,
he explains that basically when it comes to letting go,
the thing to remember
is that this is really about more so our values.
What do we value?
Because our values are what make up our identity.
And we get in life a reflection of who we are being.
Now, what happens is when we're attached
to what people think of us,
when we're attached to what people are doing,
or we're attached to anything on the outside
or even a labeler identity, what has happened
is we are putting a lot of our stock
and we're putting a lot of our value on things
that a lot of times are past things that we valued
and they're just been on autopilot.
So, for example, and a lot of times what you realize too is,
think of it like this, we think, feel and act,
it's been on autopilot.
We have this little identity that we live equal to.
Now, what happens is if we value other people's validation,
then it'll be very important for us to get it.
And if we value other people approving of us
or we value when we don't
want other people to feel tension around us,
so we'll try to fix everybody else
to make sure that it's safe,
then what ends up happening is we're,
we don't understand it or realize it in the moment,
but we're valuing other people's approval.
We're valuing people pleasing,
we're valuing being a nice guy or whatever it is,
nice girl.
By valuing that, that means that we are attached
to what other people think,
we're attached to in the belief
that if I have someone else's approval or validation
or they don't feel tension and I help fix them,
then I can feel safe, then I am good enough.
Now, the key and what we're looking at in today's video
that I think can completely transform your life
when you begin to apply it
is becoming aware of your current values,
letting them go if they're not serving you anymore
in a positive way, and then wiring in values
that you actually choose
versus the values you were either given
or you learned from the autopilot mind.
So for example, a lot of times what I see is some people,
they may feel like they've lost their own frame,
meaning like they're not in their own frame of reality,
they're not the star of their own movie,
they're not moving towards a specific vision.
They feel like they're tuning to everyone else's reality.
A lot of times what that means, and what's happened is
there's a value in on other people's emotions and energies
and approval and validation, once you become aware of it,
you can then see that you can become aware of it,
let it go, and then also start asking yourself the question,
"What do I actually value?"
For me, this meant I had to let go of the people pleaser,
nice guy personality that I learned from my dad.
And years ago I had to become aware of this
and then make the choice to like, I actually realized
that there was a lot of pain that came from it
because things we do,
we do because there's a certain payoff.
So being a nice guy, people pleaser, the payoff is,
"I'm gonna be this way
and then I'm gonna get validation and approval."
And that's the belief and that's why people are that way.
But then what happens?
You become aware of weight,
I'm actually losing myself in the process.
Actually, people don't really respect me
because I move my center of gravity all the time.
When I do set boundaries on the people,
they take it personal because they gotten so used
to taking advantage of my own energy.
Wow.
And then you start realizing,
"What happened to me is I actually got very",
I got angry at myself for a while.
I got angry at my past version of me
because there were circumstances
I allowed myself to get into
to where I completely abandoned myself,
completely overextended myself
because I agreed to it for some reason,
and then I felt like mad at myself.
So I was like bitter towards
the nice guy, people pleaser version of myself.
And what I had to do is eventually realize
that I'm grateful that I'm aware
that I sometimes had that shift and that I could be like,
"Wait, I shift back into remembering my own value,
remembering my own sense of self worthiness,
and remembering to be on my own vision,
to be in a certain direction."
What ended up happening
is I let go of valuing validation and approval
and I became aware of those patterns within myself
and I started to value instead
authenticity and vulnerability.
Because what I realized is vulnerability
was the thing I was avoiding
by valuing people's approval and validation.
Vulnerability is the ability to express the real you.
Nice guys and people pleasers,
they don't want you knowing what they really think
and how they really feel.
So they hide it and they say, "I'm good.
Everything's okay.
How can I make you happy?
How can I help you?"
(chuckles)
A lot of times people pleasers and nice guys,
they may also be in the service industry,
like I was for a long time,
like selling woman's shoes or waiters or wagers
because they get off kind of on pleasing other people.
It's not always a bad thing if you're being kind
or you're really passionate about it,
but a lot of times pleasing,
the energy of pleasing is I'm going to give this to you
and then you're gonna give me this back.
So I'm getting something out of it.
It's transactional.
And the key for me to let go of a lot of the things
that were like needy energy, because really what this is
is it's needy energy that's come from childhood many times
where we felt like our needs weren't meant as kids,
so then we look for it on the external,
we look from it from our external environment.
And what I realized is this was also for myself,
it was rooted in an abandonment wound.
I felt abandoned growing up.
And then what I did is I said,
"Well, there's something wrong with me.
I'm not good enough.
In order to get people's approval and validation,
I must abandon myself
in order to make everybody else happy."
So what I ended up doing is I wouldn't set boundaries,
I would overextend myself, I would do all these things
that were a reflection of me abandoning myself.
And that's what I had to realize,
"Wait, why am I abandoning myself?
What would I actually say
in this experience and in this dynamic?"
And then what I would focus on
is actually expressing the real me, being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable, by the way, is the cure to shame.
Shame says, "I'm broken or something wrong with me.
I'm gonna hide shame
and become a people pleaser, a nice guy."
Instead, vulnerability is shining light on the shame,
that's what brings it into the awareness,
the light of awareness,
and then the energy begins to dissipate.
A lot of times people that feel shame,
they'll actually speak about the shame
of what they're afraid to share with people,
and they have huge breakthroughs because they realize,
"Wait, there was nothing to really worry about.
There was nothing.
This was all an intellectual idea."
They feel free.
So in a similar way,
what you could do is become aware and be vulnerable,
you start valuing being vulnerable
over that validation approval,
you start to not be so attached
to these things that were like
the ways of getting your inner childhood needs met
from his kids,
instead, you begin to realize, I can stop abandoning myself.
You begin to realize that like,
I am worthy for the way for being me.
And what ends up happening
is you end up feeling way more empowered because of that,
you end up also beginning to value
being the star of your own movie.
This is really about an identity shift,
you're shifting out of the old self
that was attached to these old belief systems even.
A lot of times people might go through a spiritual awakening
and then they develop a belief system that says,
"People don't get me.
People don't understand me.
Everyone else out in the world is asleep in the matrix."
Well, guess what?
That a lot of times will create the belief system,
creates this reality where people don't get you,
people don't understand you.
For a long time, I had beliefs
and even subconscious beliefs that says like,
"You know, people don't choose me."
and I would attract people that wouldn't choose me.
Why?
Because I wasn't choosing myself.
So it's about really becoming aware of these stories,
these beliefs that have been on autopilot
and those attached stories
are what keeps you locked in a similar reality,
become aware of them, and then you can actually let them go,
and it becomes a whole new world for you,
literally a whole new world
because you've broken outta the old belief system,
the old identity trap that was there.
So you wanna become aware
of what do I believe to be true about myself?
Where am I limiting myself?
What do I believe I need to be attached to?
Some people go through a spiritual awakening as well,
then they develop like,
"Oh, I have this one other half to my soul,
this type of specific soulmate.
I need to find it."
And then they get all heady about it
and energetically they create this story
and then it becomes so heavy and it ends up like
really being something that like, you know, can't be happy,
I'm not whole and complete myself.
And they externalize their own power, their own energy.
So become aware of these stories.
And if you believe that other person's
the other half of your soul,
then guess what you're gonna really attach to them.
You're gonna really want them to be a certain way
and you're gonna give it all this resistant energy
and you're gonna end up messing it up.
So the key is detaching.
And the way you detach
is by becoming aware of the stories, the beliefs,
the identity, the attachments,
the people that you've been attached to
and realize that the only reason you're attached to them
is because you believe there's a story there that says,
"That without this thing, you can't be happy."
There's a story that says,
"You need it in order to be happy."
And it's just a story.
You think it's the attachment,
it's not even the attachment, it's the story.
It's the story
about the person that's the other half to your soul.
The story about the job that you need to get
or the house that you need to move into,
or the person, the friend that needs to come around
or the whatever, is all a story.
That's it.
And you become aware it's a story,
you can begin to let it go
and realize that you can bring the energy back to source.
And also there's inner childhood needs
that weren't meant as a kid,
there's ways you can complete the patterns of the past.
One of the most powerful ways I've learned how to do this
is through an inner child type dynamic.
And if you haven't checked it out yet
and you wanna learn more about this process,
I call it the "MAP Process",
the magnetic activation process for healing,
letting go of this energy
and then activating high vibrational
non-attached energy inside of your body.
It's called the MAP Process,
the magnetic activation process.
If you wanna check it out, it's a completely free video
that show you step by step how to apply it.
You go to www.aarondoughty.com/map, m-a-p,
or click the link in description box below.
But in general, for this process,
this really is about understanding
that the more you let go, the more magnetic you are.
Now, if you want a video to show you step by step
the five secrets to letting go that make you attractive AF,
it's one of my most popular videos,
watch this video right here.
In this video, I wanna share you five secrets
to letting go that will make you more attractive
and that will completely transform your life.
And when you start applying them, it changes everything
because you start realizing who you really are
and you start letting go of what you are not.