Ya know I’ll be honest, whenever I think of gaining my ideal superpower I always lean
towards like transformation powers ya know?
It just seems fitting for me.
That being said, in the superhero world some heroes aren’t lucky enough to get to choose
what powers they receive, and many of them seem to draw the short straw in terms of powers.
What is going on all you nerdy folk out there, my name is Jack and welcome back to Top 10
Nerd.
Today we are going to be taking a look at some of the saddest excuses for superheroes
out there in the world of comic books, but to put a more positive spin on it we’re
looking at the ones who actually have somewhat decent powers.
[something more?].
Lets get right into it shall we?
#10 Aquaman.
I’ll admit this one kind of started out as a joke because, ya know, nobody likes Aquaman,
but like I’m not too far off when I say he’s got some useful powers.
So Aquaman isn’t really all that useless, people only really think that because of the
Superfriends cartoon, but if you look pretty much ANYWHERE else he is pretty badass and
is often one of the few things able to defend the world against invasions of demons and
such thanks to his trident.
This is the reason he is at the very beginning of our list today.
That being said though, outside of water he is more vulnerable than when hes in the deep,
but that doesn’t make him any less of a threat for the baddies he goes up against.
Thanks to his Atlantean physiology he possesses superhuman strength stamina and durability,
alongside marine telepathy that allows him to talk to and command sea creatures, AND
hes also just a ruthless and capable fighter.
No matter how much we all may make fun of him, he has some pretty useful powers to check
him out in his first appearance in 1959s Adventure Comics #260
#9 Rainbow Girl.
Hailing from the planet Xolnar, Dori Aandraison wanted to become a member of the Legion of
Super-Heroes in order to work her way into the acting world.
She started that journey after she managed to score a trip to Metropolis by using her
powers to win the Miss Xolnar contest.
What powers am I talking about?
Well Dori has the ability to wield the powers of the emotional spectrum, however she has
very little control over it and this results in uncontrollable mood swings every now and
then.
Dori will turn red when she is angry, blue when she is hopeful, and she has the ability
to surround herself in a rainbow-like pheromone field that causes Dori to be found irresistible
by virtually everyone.
Shes essentially a human mood ring.
Needless to say, but with these powers she did not make it onto the Legion of Super-Heroes
roster, and instead settled for a spot on the Legion of Substitute Heroes after marrying
a wealthy man on Earth.
All in all, there are worse powers that you could have, like I can see these being useful
in some situations, but if given the choice Rainbow Girl is certainly not the first person
I would call if I needed help.
Check her out in her first appearance in 1963s Adventure Comics #309.
#8 Maggott.
As with most mutants, they’re either really strong, really weird, or really lame.
Well Maggot skips the first one all together and is just weird AND lame.
Born in South Africa, this mutant has probably the most unusual digestive system ever as
it houses two slugs, named Eany and Meany, who are able to leave his body, eat anything
they want and then crawl back into his guts.
As gross as it sounds, this whole process helps him grow in size, stamina, and speed
and also turns his skin blue and his eyes red in the process?
Pretty cool right?
Well yes and no because the slugs have to enter through his stomach in a very precise
manner to be effective, meaning if they’re even a millimeter off then nothing happens.
Maggot also has psychometric power-- he's able to see things from the recent past or
the immediate future.
Honestly these are all very useful and good powers, but with how meticulous and finicky
they are it just makes for a terrible hero.
To top it all off He's not written in a way that makes for any satisfying battles.
Check him out in his first appearance in 1997s Uncanny X-Men #345 and let me know in the
comments if you agree or disagree with me.
#7 Mr. Immortal.
Craig Hollis, the leader and founder of the Great Lakes Avengers.
Now you can probably guess what his powers are right?
He has the ability to heal and resurrect himself from any injury he faces no matter how severe
it might be, effectively making him immortal.
He discovered this skill after several suicide attempts and eventually decided to make the
best of it, and fling himself into danger without fear because if you can’t die whats
there to be scared of?
The only real problem related to this insanely useful power is that he can still pain, and
whenever he comes back to life he goes into these crazy fits of rage because of how much
pain he goes through while coming back to life.
The only one who could calm him down was Dinah Soar, his quote unquote soulmate, however
after her death there was no one able to really help him.
Thats about it to this character if I’m being completely honest.
Although he has this amazing power, he is incapable of using it to its full potential
because he lacks training, basically hes just a walkin, talkin, ragin punching bag that
has dies a total of 21 PLUS times.
Check him out for yourself starting with his first appearance in 1989s West Coast Avengers
Vol 2 #46.
#6 Doorman.
Another member of the Great Lake Avengers on our list today, DeMarr Davis AKA Doorman
is a guy who can use his body to make a door, as ya know his name states.
Put a little less simply, Doorman is a class 10 teleporter with his body acting as a portal
to the Darkforce Dimension, and thanks to this connection he can allow people and items
to pass through him and walk through any solid object that he is pressed up against.
This was the only power he had for a pretty long time, although he did eventually gain
the ability to levitate (which left to flight).
But in regards to his main power, its pretty cool in theory but it only allows people to
go the room or space directly next to them which is great if you’re trying to make
a quick getaway to confuse someone, but if you need a quick escape then I think you’re
out of luck.
Also in a world of superpowered beings who can break down walls, teleport long distances,
and even just straight up picklocks, hes not the most useful to have on a team ya know?
In short, great power in theory, in practice not so much.
Check him out for yourself in his first appearance in 1989s West Coast Avengers Vol 2 #46.
#5 Color Kid.
Born on the planet Lupra, Ulu Vakk got his powers when he was hit by a beam of colorful
light from another dimension while working in a science lab.
The accident imbued him with the ability to change the color of any object, no matter
how big or small and from then on he was known as Color Kid.
Needless to say but his ability was underwhelming to say the least and he was denied acceptance
into DC's Legion of Heroes and instead was forced to join the Legion of Substitute Heroes
which essentially the B-team (but probably more like the C-Team) for superpowered crime
fighters.
I will say though, Color Kid did manage to make the most out of his pretty useless skill.
His color-change abilities not only changed the hue of an object but, on at least one
occasion, were able to change the chemical makeup of the object and he was able to help
save Superboy and Supergirl from a deadly Kryptonite cloud.
Not only that, he also figured out how to tweak his abilities to throw off his enemies
and to camouflage himself and others around him.
Check him out for yourself in 1966s Adventure Comics #342.
#4 Cypher.
Doug Ramsey was always closely related with Charles Xavier and his school for gifted youngsters
from a young age as his dad was a lawyer who helped Xavier figure out the legal aspects
of everything, however he wasn’t a part of the actual school despite Xavier believing
him to be a mutant.
Doug's mutant power gave him the ability to understand and speak any language, human and
alien alike and while that is an impressive skill that would definitely come in handy,
its not super useful as a superhero ya know?
This had the unintended effect of making Cypher a really annoying addition to the X-Men roster.
He actually proved to be so annoying that a ton of fans wrote in, begging to have him
killed off.
Realizing Cypher brought nothing to the table, series writer Louise Simonson complied.
But every Marvel fan knows death in comics is never permanent and he was eventually resurrected
but he still sucked even though he had new powers including advanced computer skills
and the ability to sense structural weakness in buildings.
He just wasn’t meant to be a superhero.
Take a look at this underwhelming heroes story for yourself starting with 1984s New Mutants
#13.
#3 Almighty Dollar.
With one of the best names in comic books EVER in my opinion, J. Pennington Pennypacker
was just an average certified public accountant before he attended a self-esteem camp called
Camp Runamuk.
Turns out the camp was actually a front for a deranged scientist who used a special device
to give people superpowers and after being given superpowers without their consent, Pennypacker
and his friends decided to put their abilities to good use by not only putting a stop to
their captors, but also by joining the NFL SuperPro’s crime-fighting unit, earning
themselves the name, The Happy Campers.
What was the power he gained you ask?
Well, J Pennington Pennypacker gained the ability to shoot pennies out of his wrists…
Thats it.
The only reason hes so high up on this list today is because his power is actually kind
of useful, just not in any battle ever unless its a contest for who has the most money.
Though now that I think about it, we don’t use pennies here in Canada so it would be
a pretty useles power in this day and age.
Check him out for yourself alongside the other Happy Campers in 1992s NFL Superpro #10.
#2 Friendly Fire.
Not a whole lot is known about Friendly Fire; we don’t know his real name and his origins
are pretty up in the air.
With the power to shoot bolts of energy out of his hands, this superhero had the ability
to easily be Section 8's strongest team member, but, as his name would imply, Friendly Fire
could only strike his own allies… sort of.
He was a terrible shot so he constantly hit his friends and not the villains they were
facing off against.
Once a member of the hero team Section 8 which was basically a big ol’ group of heroes
that nobody else wanted to team up with, I mean come on their members consisted of a
guy who carried around a window to throw at people, and another guy who welded DEAD dogs
to villains…
Friendly fire REALLY looked like a superstar compared to those guys.
His final adventure was probably the worst out of all of them though because instead
of hitting the villain with his powers, he ended up blowing off his own head.
Check out this tragic yet hilarious story for yourself in 1997’s Hitman #18.
#1 Hindsight Lad.
Carlton LaFroyge, the all around nerd misfit who blackmailed his neighbor Speedball into
letting him join the New Warriors, which they begrudgingly allowed.
Now calling himself Hindsight Lad, Carlton was best described as the most annoying character
on the planet, using the only ability he possessed to help the team; the ability to analyze how
things could have gone better after a failed mission.
Yep thats right, Hindsight Lad was THAT guy, a know-it-all who only tells you what you
need to know after it is too late to be of any use.
During the Civil War arc, the powerless Hindsight suddenly became bigoted against his former
New Warrior teammates, even running an anti-New Warriors website, where he effectively doxxed
them by revealed their secret identities.
Oh and he laundered official Avengers funds to buy himself a costume.
I’ll give him this, I guess this ability is KINDA useful so you know what not to do
next time, but from experience I’m not a fan of people like this so I would hate every
second of being on a team with him.
Check out probably the most punchable character in all of comic books in his first appearance
in 1993s New Warriors Annual #3.
That will be it for this video everyone, if I missed one or more of your favourite useless
heroes with useful powers let us know in the comments below and maybe we’ll continue
this list with a part 2.
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As always my name is Jack, thank you all so much for watching, and make sure to stay nerdy
my friends! :)