excuse me sir i haven't had anything to eat in two days could you please spare me some
change if i watch your windshields oh my gosh oh my gosh thank you so much thank you thank
you all right lexi want to win 100 bucks yes all you have to do is take it from my hands
you just taped the hundred dollar bill to your hand no i didn't i didn't tape anything
no mom
okay so my girlfriend and i are heading to a really nice restaurant and i'm gonna walk
out wearing this she's getting the car right now i would never wear this outfit and i just
can't wear this to a five-star restaurant so let's get her reaction oh my god she's
in the car she's the car started hi babe
what what's wrong we are not going out like that that's not even the dress code we have
to go home you turn back around right now we're going we're going back home you feel
cute turn around who's the better cook
who's the funniest
who would you rather hang out with
if you're driving who rides in the front seat
who do you think loves you the most
who do you love the most
i know you must break
oh my gosh how old is he sorry how old is he oh he's about 945 weeks oh well are you
still working or i'm not this is a really special time i just want to be home with the
baby uh yeah i get that i get that um can he walk he just learned how to crawl here
he'll show you okay crawl baby come on um
okay all right hi is this seat taken oh no it's not it's not him thank you
hey did you take that medicine last night i didn't grandma i think you took the viagra
on accident well it's an accident because now you got a dick nose ugh i feel like i'm
filming a porno i'm just filming your face ah i must have taken the cialis and she did
on you what um dog ate your shoe and uh like you said you cheated on me no the dog ate
your shoe what the heck dude there you go thank you no problem
are you okay
sorry about that how do we like the licorice i'm not gonna kiss you excuse me
i'm not gonna kiss you is it me or the licorice blake are you ready to meet my boyfriend it
depends if you're ready to meet my girlfriend your girlfriend yeah you don't have a girlfriend
you can get a boyfriend i can get a girlfriend easy oh yeah who's your girlfriend dixie the
amount of sass dixie demilio yeah don't question us i had no idea my brother was dating dixie
emilio yeah it's about to be dixie swat okay is that right yeah we're going out to dinner
tonight
tonight yo
oh [ __ ]
except if you lose you gotta knock yourself out
oh my god who has kissed more men who snores the most who talks too much who has the shortest
we're about to try the charlie drink do two of the charlie drinks okay so we're back home
we have our straws in let's try it cheers charlie
i actually like it wait what oh my god what are you okay i don't know what's happening
what's happening what he can't stop what is wrong with you charlie all right all right
same thing you have a filter you got to figure out how to do it only one person just figured
out but for you if you don't figure it out i get to take over your tick tock for a day
go there's so many figure it out figure it out you got to figure out how to use it not
quite definitely not it you have to make it grow just a hint make it grow
you're halfway there you're losing time i'm gonna take over your tick tock for an entire
day
it's gonna be mine
no we didn't did you watch your takeout
like it's you being annoying for me it's you having a mask for me it's your hair for me
it's you having a red face for me it's your hat for me it's you not getting a boyfriend
until you're 20 for me it's you being a benchwarmer for me take that back no is you dropping out
of college for me okay but that hurt okay you speechless huh good lord good morning
students welcome to your first day of public school uh before we start does anyone have
any questions for me yes you hi mr teacher um why do we have to come here well because
your parents don't have the energy to teach you anything themselves so they dump you off
here while they go work a job that they hate i get paid around four dollars a month to
teach you things that you're never gonna actually need to know once you step out into the real
world and what i do teach you will ultimately be buried among all the financial and emotional
pressures you'll face as adults pressures i am not going to prepare you for in any way
and instead teach you about the periodic table even though about point zero zero one percent
of you are ever going to take up a career in chemistry and most of you will wind up
working life draining nine to fives like your parents that just dropped you off here
oh okay uh how long do we have to 12 years not including college what's college it's
just like this but it's gonna make you go bankrupt hammy are you okay what's the matter
dude she did it what my friends she pranked us the queen reigns olivia you put our send-a-friends
in the tree not cool long live the prank queen
joey wake up beatbox challenge zero to 100.
okay
let's go
your checking account available balances 12 million six hundred seventeen thousand two
hundred ninety dollars and fifty six cents there's no way huh there's no way no way what
your balance you heard that i thought it was in my headphones well oh shoot i don't know
it's like family and money
i hate her mom no no what what okay so don't be scared but i accidentally went and just
peed on your bed on protest i'm not even surprised anymore why my bed billy cause i already pooped
on my bed so i needed a new bed to pee on me that makes no sense it makes no sense well
if you think about it everyone else's bed has already been peter put on in some way
so i just had to claim my territory claim you're not a dog oh well if i'm not a dog
then might i just go and pee on her bed i don't know i don't know i don't why did you
all right spoiled milk explosion in three two one
dude honestly i'm the best at getting girls it's so easy dang really yeah my body counts
at like a hundred wow that is a lot for you it is not for me dang i want to see you work
in action that girl right there you should go talk to her oh uh hurt i don't really talk
to blondes oh okay you don't like blondes okay what about that brunette right there
the bru the brunette where's oh okay her yeah i know i uh i've already had a thing with
her oh dang okay so call her over here i wanna talk to her real quick oh dude uh jennifer
we ended on bad terms so you know i'm not gonna do that oh okay that makes sense you're
a virgin are you is it that obvious hello you must be uh amanda you work here mm-hmm
yep for the past isn't going to be weird is it why would it be weird because you're my
ex-girlfriend no it's strictly professional that's in the past so we've got to fill this
out uh when was your last doctor two weeks ago it's good how many times a week do you
drink none well a lot has changed how many times a week do you work out two you look
good i think you drop you dropped your shirt a little bit there oops do you have any emergency
contacts my mom i'm gonna call her and tell her i say hi miss her so much have you been
showering yeah manscaping yes do you still leave the toilet seat up because i'm screwed
amanda are you currently sexually active amanda no christian i'm not having this conversation
with it's on the sheet so yeah i don't have to have this conversation with you okay well
i need to know we need to know the doctor needs closure yes okay
unconscious
you