How ya go’in ya big bloody beautiful tit-heads?!
Here's me face.
Have I got a treat for you? In no particular order,
Here is WTF Happened in 2018
It became known that Kim jong-un
has the most dedicated bodyguards in the world.
I reckon if I was chosen for this job
I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue.
I'd be like
"Why don't you invest in a bloody bulletproof car?
Why do you need human cannon fodder in 2018?"
I'd at least want appropriate footwear for jogging in.
Fergie started "Global Ear Bleeding Day"
when she sang her version of
the American national anthem.
I'm not even American and I was offended
I'm not gonna include any fucken sound.
This bloke showed everyone
how to become a Jenga God
right now his tactic looks absolutely dodgy.
But DO NOT judge
a Jenga God by his cover.
Here's an FBI agent letting loose on the dance floor.
He does a backflip.
His gun falls out, aaand he's shot someone!
Me favorite thing about the World Cup
was Neymar rolling.
Here he is in space.
We don't need NASA!
Just roll him out to discover new planets.
Fuck yes to Japanese football fans for their cleanliness
Australian sport fans did
what we usually do.
Here's Canada's Prime Minister.
He's saying "yeah nah fuck it let's legalise weed."
This guy's like "I've smoked weed forever.
Now I just get a fancy paper bag and a receipt.
This is the coolest royal wedding speech I've ever seen.
In fact, it's the only royal wedding speech I've ever seen.
Aw there's Harry and Meghan
already enjoying married life
RIP to Stan Lee.
You were a true blue superhero, mate
"Too many people
don't really do
what their heart's desire is.
But they try to do something else
Cause they think well it'll be easy to get a job
or to make money.
Speakin' of making money
Apple hit one trillion dollars in value.
If I gave a shit, I'd be excited.
But I don't give a shit.
The discovery of Wide Neck Guy
was far more exciting for me,
than a financial evaluation of a tech giant.
Here is Wide Neck Guy meeting Long Neck Guy
yeah nah yeah this event has much more substance
in the world
than we realise.
Here they are having a running race.
That's necks level shit.
They're definitely me favourite living memes of 2018.
Here's a bloke who went on a hang gliding adventure
in Switzerland.
He is literally hanging and gliding.
The pilot - if he can call him that -
forgot to strap in his passenger
and now he's like "oh no worries,
I'll still give you value for money.
Let's go down the steep side of the mountain.
How ya go'in down there? you got sweaty palms yet?
I bet ya do Haha.
Look you wanted an extreme holiday.
This is fair dinkum fucking extreme!
Is it not?"
And here comes the touchdown...
Gee whiz,
he did well to survive.
This dickhead is not a responsible hang glider owner
Boston Dynamics continued their robot work in 2018.
These cheeky wankers are getting smarter.
I don't know if we should be worried yet,
but let's just keep an eye on this YouTube channel.
Let's keep an eye on it as caring concerned citizens
of Earth.
Here's a Mum catching her son opening a package
with a bong in it.
- "this looks like a vasse for a bunch of, like, things"
- "It's a bong"
- "what the heck, I didn't order that!
Ordered an Xbox card. I did not order that."
If he did order it,
this legend hopes he got a fancy paper bag
and a receipt.
A bunch of kids in Thailand got stuck in a cave
for 17 days.
Rescuers managed to get 'em all out
nice and safe.
Elon Musk called one of the rescuers a Pedo Guy.
Yeah a pedophile.
He then quickly used influencer marketing
to make sure he became cool again
Khabib Nurmagomedov had a great win in the UFC
against Conor McGregor,
but ended it in a controversial shitstorm
Yes, I am aware Conor is a cunt too.
It's been a turbulent year for social media.
As a content creator that uploads to Facebook
as much as YouTube
I've been keeping a close eye
on what's happening with that platform
Old mate Zuckerberg
had to show up in Congress in the US
and answer a bunch of questions about the internet
privacy and social media.
Some of it was really interesting.
Other times he was just offering tech support
to elderly politicians.
He was like "yeah nah I don't know what your question is
maybe just do a power cycle
to switch your modem off and turn it on again
unplug everything you should be right."
Yeah nah it's a bit fucked old Facebook
Over on YouTube content creators seemed to do quiet well
Mr. Beast has a bottomless pit of money to give away.
I don't know what his business model is
but yeah nah all power to him.
I don't know why there's beef
between PewDiePie and T-Series.
I wish they could get along.
Lil Tay came and went from social media.
I didn't pronounce that very gangster at all.
Lil Lil Tay Lil Tay
Lil Lil dill lip fuck it Lil Tay
came and went
on the digital landscape, which happens.
I'm only 9 years old. I've got no licence
YouTubers creating live conventions
became a new cash cow.
Look, fucken Tanacon seemed like it was a hoot.
FouseyTube’s convention was off the chain by the looks.
To anyone who went to that I hope
you learnt a fuckload about digital media.
Videos titled "we broke up" were a thing.
Those were definitely a thing.
They got lots of views.
Me and my wife are going okay
and our baby son is fine.
So I don't think I can cash in
on the we broke up genre.
Unless I lie to you about everything.
I could just fuckin lie.
You wouldn't know.
How do you know when the YouTuber-- when we lie.
You don't. You don't know.
Fortnite was a huge craze.
Ninja got to go on Ellen.
That's pretty good
I reckon he got loads of new fans
in the female skewed 40-plus demographic.
And Ellen probably got loads of new fans
in the 8 to 17 male skewed demographic.
Yeah nah yeah sweet collab.
I genuinely enjoyed the live streaming boxing matches
that youtubers put on this year.
And I'm still trying to figure out what Tik Tok is.
I don't, I don't know what Tik Tok is.
So I need to watch the local news to find out.
"so remember Vine?
Well, Tik Tok is kind of like a new incarnation of that.
Except it's got a few more features."
Nah!
Oh no!
I'm not starting a Tik Tok account.
I'm not doing it.
I don't need another fucking thing to manage.
Fuck me! Anyway...
Let's get back to the wall-to-wall commentary style.
The greatest attempted robbery I've ever seen
took place up in Canada.
The Destination Fucked God's made sure
this Sheila was never gonna get away.
Dancing next to your car while listening to Drake
was a trend.
Because I'm a dad now I find this highly irresponsible.
I don't like it
There are too many dangerous things that can happen.
I don't care how good you are at dancing
you need to save your moves for the disco.
Karaoke became more hectic than ever.
This is such a fair dinkum energetic performance
of a classic.
(Music playing)
- "Tequila"
(Music playing)
Here Trumpy was like one of those people who stops
in a crowded shopping centre.
And you're like "what the fuck?
It's Christmas time. it's too busy to stop.
Bloody keep moving, mate. keep moving."
Kiki, do you love me?
Say you'll never ever leave from beside me.
The British Prime Minister is smashing
that Drake challenge.
Somewhere in 2018
the Sri Lankan government was bought out
by the WWE.
This fella is preaching with a snake in his hand.
The snake says "quit trying to get me on side
with all this religious bullshit."
and bites his fucking ear.
He rushes off to hospital.
And thanks God for his survival,
not the doctor!
It really was a year where people took action
in their communities
and fought for issues they believed in.
"If a grown adult wants a ...
a handjob
and another grown adult is willing to give one for money
then let them.
Down in Australia one of the biggest issues
was when Bunnings hardware store
started putting onions on the bread first
at their sausage sizzles.
Onions on top, as pictured here,
are now considered as safety hazard.
- "have you got a personal preference?"
- "ummm
"Think I'm an on top guy, yeah"
- "do you see any other problems
if you put the onions underneath the sausage?"
- "well your structural integrity of your bread is compromised,
quite badly, so yeah."
People have been fucking outraged
yeah nah rightfully so.
Employees at Blizzard games got boo'd
by a live audience
when they were like "yeah,
you can play the new Diablo game on mobile.
That's all just mobile.
Nothing else. Hey everyone. That's fun, that's fun.
Mobile and tablet."
There's been scary fires in California
and scary fires in Queensland
Maybe climate change is worth having a chat about.
Whenever ya ready elected leaders.
Whenever you're ready...
Or
just keep bloody standing there.
Maybe we should elect this Hedgehog
as supreme World Leader?
Of course, the alpacas are not sure if they trust it,
but I'm willing to give it a go
The hedgehog definitely looks enthusiastic.
It wants the alpacas to follow it.
I'm seeing solid leadership skills,
is all I'm saying.
I think the alpacas are warming up to it.
Yeah nah yeah the hedgehog could be a leader
for all fucking species
in all universes
in all galaxies
it is an intergalactic inter-dimensional
supreme world leader
Hahaha hah
I sound like I've been smoking legal Canadian weed.
and end scene!
That is done, that's all I got.
Those were all of the moments that happened in 2018
Everything that was worth paying
a little bit of attention to.
No! It wasn't everything.
I can't cover everything, I'm just one bloke.
I'm one little bloke,
trying to get by in the world.
So let me know what stood out to you in 2018.
Like WTF happened for you.
I mean I don't care what you think
Nah, I do I do I'm trying to be a cold harsh bastard
but I care I do. Nah, I don't... don't tell me
No I do, leave a comment. Be like
"Ozzy Man how could you forget that moment
that the rat stood up to the cat in the street?
that was a big video."
Look I'm gonna go.
But thank you again for watching me channel in 2018
and let's keep the good times rolling in 2019.
All right that was a fun outre, wasn't it?
I'm not, I don't do jump cuts I'm not editing
that to tighten it up, just fuck it.
This is raw, it's rugged it's real.
So thank you again for watching me
in 2018 and yeah have a good Christmas, Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.
All of that bullshit and
I'm gonna go chuck a piss. Alright, see ya.
Bye, bye, bye.