hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about five conversation starters
that work every time now let's begin number one what do you think sometimes the simplest
questions make the best conversation starters especially when you let someone else step into
the spotlight this trick is really simple just think of a question yeah any question you might
be wondering how much would it cost to host your own events or maybe you're looking at a
couple of pictures on your phone and you want to know which one looks better your question could
be long or short simple or complicated it doesn't really matter because the question itself is just
the tool that you can use to get the conversation rolling if for example a new conversation might go
something like this after listening to a keynote speaker imagine you're sitting in the audience
waiting for the next lecture to start you notice someone sitting quietly next to you so you decide
to get a conversation going you turn to them and you say I thought that speaker was really great
what did you think the key to this technique isn't the subject you're talking about it's the way you
say it jumping back to our example you could have said hey what did you think of that speaker and it
might have worked but expressing your own opinion first sets the tone imagine if you ask them for
their opinion and it was completely different from yours maybe they hated the speaker and they
thought the whole presentation was a mess if your opinions directly opposed each other things are
going to get awkward really fast so that's why you tell them your opinion first in one sentence you
introduce something to talk about and you set the tone for the entire conversation which makes the
next part even easier just follow up with what do you with that question the ball is in their court
you've given them a starting point and you've told them that you want to hear their opinion
so no matter who you're talking to they'll feel comfortable talking back number two Franklin's
favors in the 1700s Ben Franklin discovered a foolproof way to start a conversation and
immediately get on anyone's good side all you have to do is lead with a simple favor let's say you're
at a networking event you spot a stranger across the room and you want to start up a conversation
so what should you do you could shake their hand and introduce yourself but that doesn't feel
right it feels like you're just popping up out of nowhere what you need is an excuse a reason
to justify starting that conversation and a small favor can be the perfect pretext just walk up and
ask for something quick and easy ask them to take a picture of you or if they know the time these
favors take only a few seconds but they completely changed the dynamic of your relationship because
you're not just two strangers anymore a small favor creates a sort of personal bond once
you've gone out of your way to help someone you've invested in them they matter more to you and you
care about what they think now all this sounds like a good idea in theory but how do we know
that asking for a small favor actually works well a famous study from the 1960s put this technique
to the test in that study college students participated in a competition where they could
win money but after being handed their winnings one of three things happen 1/3 of the students
took their winnings home another third were asked to donate their winnings to the psychology
department because their funds were running low and the final third was approached by one of the
researchers the researcher asks the students to return their money to him because he'd been paying
participants out of his own pocket in other words he asked them for a personal favor so which group
do you think liked that research the most you would think group number one because they walked
out with the most money but the answer is actually group three the group that returned their winnings
directly to the researcher after doing him a small favor their opinions of that researcher went way
up but why is that why do we like people more after doing something nice for them the truth
is we like people more because we did something nice for them thanks to a psychological phenomenon
called cognitive dissonance we want our thoughts and actions to line up for example if you punch
someone your brain reasons that you're angry with them you may not know why they may have
done nothing wrong but your brain wants your mind to match your body so when you do someone a favor
your brain makes another emotional leap you tell yourself that you did that person a favor for a
reason you assume it's because you liked that person even if you only did something small
like tell them the time Ben Franklin used the same technique to turn strangers and enemies
into lifelong friends so if you want to start up a conversation don't be afraid to lead with
a favor number three lead with a compliment favors aren't the only way to get on someone's
good side if you want to start a conversation and make a new friend while you're at it try leading
with a compliment tell someone that you like their shirt or compliment their haircut these
genuine surface-level compliments will start any conversation on a high note because it instantly
changes the mood after receiving a compliment people are subconsciously warmer friendlier and
more receptive to new things it brightens up their day because a compliment makes them feel
recognized and appreciated it gives them a nice boost of self-esteem which also makes them more
confident from the get-go but there's one really important thing to remember you have to mean
it if you're going to compliment someone don't just pull something out of thin air don't pick
the first arbitrary thing you see because those compliments feel shallow even though you're saying
something nice it doesn't leave a lasting impact on anyone instead a dishonest compliment will just
make things awkward they'll think you're trying to manipulate them and that ruins any chance of
building a relationship so take a second to think what do you really admire about this person what
makes them stand out from the crowd and that way when you do start up a conversation they'll know
that you aren't just faking it you aren't trying to pull the wool over their eyes they'll know that
you really do appreciate something about them so they'll feel a lot more comfortable opening up
number four blast from the past nostalgia is a powerful tool for any conversationalist if
you're looking to meet new people asking about their hometown is a great place to start it's
a subject that almost everyone feels comfortable with because there's really no risk involved and
not to mention it's just fun to reminisce about the good old days when they think back on the
place they grew up it puts them in a great mood and it opens all kinds of new opportunities for
you there are practically limitless questions that you can ask about someone's past ask him
what it was like to grow up in their hometown ask him what the weather was like in their city did
they have crazy snowstorms was it over a hundred degrees every single day each of these questions
keeps the conversation rolling without getting too personal it forges a meaningful connection without
crossing the line because that's the one thing you don't want to do don't interrogate someone about
their parents don't ask them why they moved away if you ask these personal questions right away
they'll make people really uncomfortable so just keep it general and keep it fun any blast from
the past should make you remember the good times not the bad number five explore your environment
finding something in common is another great way to start a conversation that commonality
creates an instant bond between you it ties you together it creates a mutual feeling of
sympathy because you're both having the same kind of experience but finding something in common can
be a little tricky obviously you just can't walk up and take a shot in the dark say you
like mountain biking okay you can't just randomly ask someone if they do too because there's a good
chance they don't luckily interests and hobbies aren't the only things that you too might have
in common no matter where you are at an event at a party or in the grocery store there's always one
thing you have in common your environment so use that commonality to your advantage if you're at a
house party talk about the house or the crowd if you're networking at a convention talk about the
booths the panels or even the parking you can start a conversation with any of these topics
because everyone in the room knows exactly what you're talking about you'll never get a blank
stare you'll never get a nervous laugh and you'll never risk killing the conversation before it even
starts just don't talk about your environment for too long these conversation starters are
designed to get you off the ground but they won't keep you in the air if you rely too
heavily on any conversation starter you'll end up suffering through a whole bunch of awkward pauses
so once you feel connected introduce yourself ask another question or make a joke you already
survived the hardest part now it's time to take that conversation to the next level hey thank you
for watching top think and be sure to subscribe because more incredible content is on the way