Today we’re discussing, the famous Frenchman who undid a French Revolution’s attempts
at democracy by proclaiming himself emperor, subsequently got involved in a land war with
Russia and ultimately died in exile: The one, the only, Napoleon.
No, the other one
[INTRO]
So the 19th century was a long one for France, that’s why they call it the Long 19th Century.
It started in the 18th century when that little thing called the French Revolution happened,
hurling the country into chaos — heads were definitely rolling. Long story short, this
handsome devil entered stage right, conquered most of Europe, charged headlong into Russia
and got kicked all the way back to Elba, only to have one more go at it, and get exiled
for real this time to a small island in the Atlantic where he died under, wait for it,
suspicious circumstances. Then there was a constitutional monarchy, and then a noble
Revolution instituted a different monarchy, which oversaw that revolution from Les Mis
and the cover of Viva la Vida, and then finally a Republic. Yikes, that was a lot of backstory.
Basically France went through every kind of government in 50 years, it’s ship was in
a million pieces.
So in 1848, Snape-faced King Louis-Philippe was declining in popularity as the French
public decided that he was definitely a bad guy after all, and so a bunch of guys got
together and went “Hey, remember the last time France was a Republic, that went well,
let’s do that again”. The King, who thought maybe the Revolution wasn’t so great, hightailed
it to England to avoid getting guillotined. Enter Napoleon 3. If you’re wondering what
happened to Napoleon 2, this handsome devil served in the Austrian military but was never
allowed any real power and then he got pneumonia. When the 1848 Revolution broke out, Napoleon
3 was living in England because the Bonapartes had been banned from France after Napoleon-Napoleon
died, and because he had botched two attempts to overthrow the government, figuring he could
rally local garrisons to his cause like he was some kind of Napoleon. But when the Republic
got started, he went “Tally ho!” and came to Paris like “Hey, I hear you’re looking
for a President.”
Lamartine, who was sort of in charge at the time was like, “Great you wanna help, but
why don’t you sit this one out until one of our competing factions takes power” and
Napoleon 3 said “that’s cool.” Ships continued to hit the fan in Paris, and by
the time elections rolled around, he rose to the top in a landslide by virtue of not
having the chance to screw anything up. He promised everything to everyone, and his name
made everyone think how awesome Napoleon Bonaparte was and maybe he could make France great again.
Come 1851 he realized that the Constitution only allowed him one term, so he asked nicely
for the National Assembly to rewrite the Constitution. Most of them said sure, why not, but he didn’t
get his ⅔ majority so naturally he staged a coup d’etat and made himself an emperor.
Should’ve taken the hint when he decided to call himself Prince-President instead of,
you know, President. Like a lot of folks who establish authoritarian regimes, he was a
man with some ideas. He actually didn’t do half bad with his early years of rule:
He redesigned Paris, spurred a boom in French industry and agriculture in part by opening
French markets, and invested oodles into those darlings of 19th century industry - railroads.
Seriously, anybody who was anybody had railroads. He also made plenty of social reforms, including
giving workers the right to strike and promoting education for women. Everything was peachy,
and you weren’t allowed to say otherwise. Oh! And he helped inspire margarine. Take
that as you will.
His Achilles heel, ultimately, was foreign policy. Again, at first he didn’t do half-bad.
He brought France into the Crimean War, basically a way to tell Russia that his army isn’t
as big as he thinks it is and he can’t go sticking it where it doesn’t belong. And
France won! With some help. Then he decided to support Italian Nationalism, even though
Britain, nearly the entire French government, his wife, and the Church he had claimed to
defend during that affair in Crimea we all against it,, because he had fought with Italian
secret societies when he was younger. So he led the charge himself - until he realized
the generals probably knew more about military stuff, and France won again-! -successfully
giving a firm slap in the face to Habsburg Austria. Yep, those Habsburgs. Still kickin.
Then Napoleon 3 went to make good on the whole “Empire” part of the French Empire and
doubled its holdings abroad, mostly in Africa and Asia.
But what comes up must come down. France started an effort to make Austrian Archduke Ferdinand
Maximilian as the Emperor of Mexico - because no hard feelings about that whole Italian
war. This, however, ended in spectacular failure. The U.S. got its ship together and whipped
out the big stick, and France backed off. The real short straw was given to Maximilian,
who was executed. But anyway, Napoleon needed all the armies he could get because there
was a new rival in town: Prussia. Prussia had managed to rapidly modernize its army
and give Austria another firm slap in the face. Meanwhile, Napoleon 3 was terribly sickly
and in no condition to sit up in his armchair, but everyone was afraid to operate because
doctors didn’t wash their hands and they kind of needed him to not die for a little
while. Bismarck, the Prussian Chancellor, blocked French attempts to annex Luxembourg,
and Napoleon 3 realized “Yo, we *cough* we’re gonna need a bigger army to deal with
this” but parliament shot him down and he was like, “If I wanted to put up with this
I wouldn’t have made myself President for life!*”. So he started looking for allies,
namely Italy and Austira - gosh, those were simpler times - but got shot down. Bismarck,
meanwhile, was making treaties left and right, and when he was good and ready sent a telegram
to France saying “na na-na boo-boo”. Napoleon declared war, knowing full well Bismarck prefers
military victory, and promptly lost. He was sent into exile, his wife shouted “Why didn’t
he kill himself?!”, and the French Empire collapsed and became a Republic again, which
would stand the test of time until Nazis happened. Napoleon 3 died shortly after.
So even though he was the longest reigning ruler of France since the French Revolution
and initially very popular, he never got the same reputation that Napoleon-Napoleon did,
instead being remembered as “Napoleon le Petit” and that’s why Napoleon-Napoleon
is known as Napoleon instead of Napoleon I. Seriously, you don’t see world-famous poets
from enemy states writing odes about Napoleon le Petit. Just goes to show It’s not how
long you reign, it’s how you spend your time on the throne.
Bonus fact: During the Italian campaign, there was this little battle at this town called
Magenta and that’s where Magenta comes from - and now you know.. If you’ve made it this
far, I’m assuming you’ve enjoyed your time here, why not watch another, and don’t
forget to like, subscribe, share with your friends, all that jazz. Thank you good day.