(AUDIENCE CHANTING LARRY'S NAME) >> Larry: YES!
THANK YOU!
I APPRECIATE IT.
YES!
WE'RE BACK!
THANK YOU!
WELCOME TO THE "THE NIGHTLY SHOW"!
I'M LARRY WILMORE!
LAST NIGHT WAS THE 87th ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS.
WHAT A GREAT SHOW. IT REALLY WAS.
AND I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I WAS A LITTLE CONCERNED BECAUSE THE OSCARS WERE SORT OF SET UP
TO BE LIKE A NEW YORK CITY WINTER -- LONG AND WHITE.
TO BE FAIR.
BUT I THOUGHT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS DID A GOOD JOB
ACKNOWLEDGING THAT.
>> TONIGHT WE HONOR HOLLYWOOD'S BEST AND WHITEST -- SORRY,
BRIGHTEST.
>> Larry: SEE, THAT'S A PRO RIGHT THERE.
YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE AWKWARD RACIAL REALITY OF THE EVENING
AND MOVE ON.
WELL DONE, SIR.
WHAT ELSE?
>> OCTAVIA SPENCER, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TONIGHT,
DO NOT TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE BRIEFCASE, GOT IT?
NO BATHROOM BREAKS.
NO CHITCHAT.
>> Larry: HOLD ON A SECOND.
YOU CAN'T MAKE A JOKE ABOUT HOW WHITE THE OSCARS ARE AND THEN
TURN AROUND AND LITERALLY MAKE OCTAVIA SPENCER "THE HELP"!
NOT WELL DONE, SIR.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THAT BACK.
LOOK, THESE OSCARS WERE SO WHITE THAT WHEN LONNIE LYNN AND JOHN
STEPHENS WON FOR BEST SONG, THEY COULDN'T EVEN USE THEIR BLACK
NAMES.
THAT'S RIGHT, COMMON'S REAL NAME IS LONNIE LYNN.
GOOD CALL ON THE NAME CHANGE, LONNIE.
JUST SAYING.
BUT THE THEME OF THE NIGHT WAS SPEECHES WITH SUBSTANCE.
>> IT'S OUR TIME TO HAVE WAGE EQUALITY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
>> THIS BRIDGE TRANSCENDS RACE, GENDER, RELIGION.
>> WE ARE WITH YOU, WE SEE YOU, WE LOVE YOU.
>> THAT KID OUT THERE WHO FEELS LIKE SHE IS WEIRD OR SHE IS
DIFFERENT OR SHE DOESN'T FIT IN ANYWHERE, STAY WEIRD.
STAY DIFFERENT.
>> Larry: WOW.
STAY WEIRD, STAY DIFFERENT.
THAT'S A VERY GOOD MESSAGE. I LIKE IT
LET'S SEE IF ANYONE TOOK THAT NOTE.
>> YOU, YOU MY DARLING, MY BEAUTIFUL, MY WICKEDLY TALENTED
IDINA MENZEL.
>> YOU GOT IT RIGHT.
YAY.
>> Larry: THAT WAS HANDS DOWN THE WEIRDEST MOMENT OF THE
NIGHT.
NO, SERIOUSLY, TRAVOLTA, PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
STAY WEIRD, NOT CREEPY.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH ABOUT THE OSCARS.
WHAT I REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT ARE SOME RECENT COMMENTS
MADE BY AMERICA'S MAYOR.
NO, NOT HIM.
THE ONE WITH A BIGGER HEAD.
YEAH, HIM.
LAST WEEK, WHILE SPEAKING AT A FUNDRAISER FOR REPUBLICAN
PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL SCOTT WALKER, GIULIANI HAD THIS TO SAY
ABOUT PRESIDENTIAL ACTUAL BARACK OBAMA.
>> GIULIANI TOUCHED OFF A FIRESTORM WHEN HE SAID EARLIER
THIS WEEK, "I KNOW THIS IS A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY, BUT I DO
NOT BELIEVE THAT THE PRESIDENT LOVES AMERICA.
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
AND HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ."
>> LARRY: HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
HE DOESN'T LOVE ME.
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU...
HE LOVES ME!
SINCE WHEN DOES GIULIANI GET TO DECLARE WHO LOVES THE COUNTRY?
WHO PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF COUNTRY LOVE?
ISN'T THAT TOBY KEITH'S JOB?
OR LONNIE LYNN'S?
I'M SORRY.
IT WAS JUST THE MOST SHOCKING REVELATION OF THE NIGHT.
BUT RUDY WASN'T DONE RIPPING OBAMA.
WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY?
>> HE WASN'T BROUGHT UP THE WAY YOU WERE BROUGHT UP AND I WAS
BROUGHT UP, THROUGH LOVE OF THIS COUNTRY.
>> Larry: HE WASN'T BROUGHT UP THROUGH LOVE OF THIS COUNTRY.
SO THAT MEANS HE WAS BROUGHT UP THROUGH HATE OF THIS COUNTRY?
MR. PRESIDENT, WHO HATE-RAISED YOU?
>> I WAS RAISED WITH THE HELP OF A WHITE GRANDFATHER WHO SURVIVED
A DEPRESSION TO SERVE IN PATTON'S ARMY DURING WORLD
WAR II AND A WHITE GRANDMOTHER WHO WORKED ON A BOMBER ASSEMBLY
LINE IN FORT LEVENWORTH WHILE HE WAS OVERSEAS.
>> Larry: W.W. DEUCE AND FACTORIES?
IT DOESN'T GET MORE "I LOVE AMERICA" THAN THAT.
UNLESS YOUR GRANDMA MADE AMERICAN FLAGS WHILE WORKING IN
AN APPLE PIE FACTORY.
SO WHAT ELSE IS DIFFERENT ABOUT OBAMA?
MAN, I'M...
MMM...
NO, NO, NO...
I'M...
NO, I'M...
I'M REALLY TRYING MY BEST NOT TO USE THE RACE CARD.
GETTING DIFFICULT.
NO, YOU KNOW, (BLEEP) THAT (BLEEP).
THAT'S RACIST.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
I USED THE RACE CARD.
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE RUDY, WHEN YOU WERE TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF, YOU
USED THE 9/11 CARD.
>> YOU KNOW, PRESIDENT OBAMA DIDN'T LIVE THROUGH
SEPTEMBER 11th.
I DID.
(BOOING) >> Larry: THE PRESIDENT DIDN'T
LIVE THROUGH SEPTEMBER 11th?
ARE YOU SAYING HE WAS BORN 13 YEARS AGO?
IS THAT WHY THEY WANTED TO SEE HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE?
IT'S NOT THAT HE WAS BORN IN KENYA, IT'S THAT HE WAS BORN IN
OCTOBER OF 2001?
I GUESS HOPE AND CHANGE MEANT HOPING HIS VOICE WOULD CHANGE BY
THE ELECTION.
RUDY, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUT OFF THE DEFENSE OF YOUR RACIST
STATEMENT.
PLEASE CONTINUE.
>> YOU KNOW, PRESIDENT OBAMA DIDN'T LIVE THROUGH
SEPTEMBER 11 -- I DID.
PRESIDENT OBAMA DIDN'T ALMOST, YOU KNOW, HAVE A BUILDING FALL
ON HIM -- MYSELF AND MY POLICE COMMISSIONER AND MY FIRE
COMMISSIONER DID.
>> Larry: ARE YOU DRUNK?
EVERY AMERICAN LIVED THROUGH 9/11.
NOT JUST AMERICA, BUT MOST OF THE WORLD CAME TOGETHER AFTER
THAT HAPPENED.
IN FACT, IT WAS SUCH A POWERFUL, INTOXICATING EVENT THAT FOR A
BRIEF, SHINING MOMENT, THE ENTIRE WORLD FORGOT WHAT A
COLOSSAL PRICK YOU ARE.
THAT'S HOW BIG IT WAS.
IT WAS HUGE!
(APPLAUSE) IT WAS HUGE.
NOW THAT GIULIANI HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH HEAT, HE'S BACKPEDALING
LIKE A RUSSIAN BEAR ON A BICYCLE AT THE CIRCUS.
HE WROTE AN OP-ED SAYING...
>> MY BLUNT LANGUAGE SUGGESTING THAT THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T LOVE
AMERICA NOTWITHSTANDING, I DIDN'T INTEND TO QUESTION
PRESIDENT OBAMA'S MOTIVES OR THE CONTENT OF HIS HEART.
(AUDIENCE BOOING) >> Larry: OKAY, AND MY BLUNT
LANGUAGE REGARDING RUDY GIULIANI'S STATEMENT
NOTWITHSTANDING STILL STANDS.
IT'S (BLEEP) RACIST.
(APPLAUSE) GIULIANI'S BIGGEST BEEF, EVEN
AFTER HIS FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT AN EXPLANATION WAS THAT OBAMA
CRITICIZES AMERICA TOO MUCH.
>> I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM WHAT I HEARD FROM HARRY TRUMAN, WHAT I
HEARD FROM BILL CLINTON, WHAT I HEARD FROM JIMMY CARTER, WHICH
IS THESE WONDERFUL WORDS ABOUT WHAT A GREAT COUNTRY WE ARE,
WHAT AN EXCEPTIONAL COUNTRY WE ARE.
>> Larry: YOU'RE RIGHT.
HE'S NEVER SAID THAT.
>> AMERICA IS A PLACE WHERE ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
THIS NATION IS GREAT BECAUSE WE BUILT IT TOGETHER.
I BELIEVE IN AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM WITH EVERY FIBER
OF MY BEING.
LOVE AND CHARITY AND DUTY AND PATRIOTISM...
THAT'S WHAT MAKES AMERICA GREAT.
WE WILL CONTINUE OUR JOURNEY FORWARD AND REMIND THE WORLD
JUST WHY IT IS WE LIVE IN THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH!
(APPLAUSE) THANK YOU, AMERICA, GOD BLESS
YOU.
>> Larry: OKAY, FINE.
OBAMA LOVES AMERICA.
JUST NOT AS MUCH AS RUDY GIULIANI LOVES 9/11.
OR AS MUCH AS I LOVE THAT COMMON'S REAL NAME IS LONNIE
LYNN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.