So the key in healing toxic shame and to be guided by healthy shame is self-compassion.
And inevitably- this is true for all of us we are going to be practicing together in
a moment – we will continue to feel badness when we encounter the imperfections of our coverings,
the habits of in different ways getting caught in anxiety or lashing out or judgment or whatever it
is. If we can remember basic goodness – and my mantra is often just “Trust the gold, trust the
gold,” you know, instead of reacting, instead of defending, instead of sinking into shame,
if we can remember that we can then respond to what comes up in a way that further aligns our
heart. We all need pathways of self-compassion in response to imperfection. We all need ways
and we all need to help each other to realize that these difficult waves we experience they
are not our fault. And if we trust the goodness we can actually become the being that we want to be.
So with that – a lot of words – let’s practice a little. This meditation is
on healing toxic shame and trusting the gold. Take a moment if you will to pause.
Let yourself settle. You might close your eyes. You might feel this body breathing. And
you might scan and notice where in your life you might be reacting to imperfection,
you might be feeling down on yourself, judging yourself, feeling shame or aversion.
And if there is a situation that triggers it let that be in the foreground. So you might be
thinking of a situation where you turn on yourself - that has to do with, you know, relationships,
personal relationships or your work, maybe it’s an addictive behavior or you might be turning on
yourself in relationship to your group identity, feeling shame about that, judging others,
could be related to race, sexual orientation, gender-identity, religion, ethnicity - some
situation where you turn on yourself. And you might sense the worst part of this; when you
turn on yourself what really feels the worst. And being guided by the RAIN acronym we start by just
recognizing whatever is predominant when you’re turning on yourself, what are you most noticing?
Is it shame? Is it aversion? Is it fear? You might mentally whisper what you notice and that begins
to call in the mindful witness. And then allow and that creates some space, allow is like saying
“Okay, these coverings are here, this belongs, it’s a wave in the ocean, let it be there.”
And then as you approach investigating let there be a quality of gentleness and interest, a real
curiosity about how reality is paying out through your body-mind. You might sense what you’re
believing. What are you believing when you’re turning on yourself? Is it that you’re basically
unworthy? That there is a sense of basic badness? That you’ll never be close to others because
of this? That you’re not lovable? What belief comes? And as you sense whatever belief is there,
let yourself feel the unpleasantness, the pain of shame, of that feeling of badness. And if
it helps to put your hand on your heart just to feel connected with what’s going on inside please
do so. And you might imagine you could look right now through the eyes of the bodhisattva - a wise,
compassionate being, the self that feels ashamed, not okay, the eyes of a wise grand-mother,
the eyes of a Buddha, maybe the eye of a wise and loving friend, and see the suffering that’s there,
the suffering of self-aversion. And also see the streams of conditioning that shaped
the very behaviors or feelings that you’re judging. How did you learn to be the way you
are? Is this modeled from caregivers? Shaped by messages from others? Whatever you’re judging,
how did it get there? You weren’t born as a bad person. What’s the
conditioning here? Was there past trauma in your personal lifetime or past generations?
Through the eyes of the bodhisattva seeing the created the very thing that you’re aversive to.
How did the society shape it – our competitive, over-consuming, aggressive, divided society? How
did that shape your inner experience? And sensing the presence of this bodhisattva – this wise and
loving being, your own awake heart – you might send a message inward, “It’s not your fault.”
And just offer a real compassionate presence. Send care right to the place that’s hurting,
the place that feels bad. Let it be bathed with a compassionate presence.
Sense this possibility of letting in that loving, that healing. Letting go into it,
becoming one with it. And with After the RAIN just to rest in that openhearted presence, that which
sees clearly and holds with love. You might sense: Who are you when you’re not believing something is
wrong with you? Sense the possibility of trusting the awareness and compassion that’s here is really
your essence. And from that place of trusting the gold, trusting the goodness of your essence,
you might look at the patterning that you were judging, aversive to, whatever it is about your
coverings that you’re not liking – perhaps the way that you hurt others, hurt yourself – and you
might sense: What’s my deepest intention from the gold what’s my deepest intention? And what
will help me align with that deep intention? What will help me live from loving awareness?
The poet Rumi describes the gold, this loving awareness, as a secret self. He writes,
“I must have been incredibly simple or drunk or insane to sneak into my own house and steal money,
to climb over the fence and take my own vegetables, but no more. I’ve gotten free of
that ignorant fist that was pinching and twisting my secret self. The universe and the light of
the stars come through me. I am the crescent moon put up over the gate to the festival.”
You might take a few full breaths and as you’re ready open your eyes.
So I want to thank you for your attention, for exploring this together, invite all those
that are interested in the discussion groups to return to Facebook link right now for them, and
to wish you all loving blessings as you move through these next days.
Namaste.