LET'S MEET OUR 1ST GUEST TONIGHT SHE'S A BRILLIANT COMEDIAN,
BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, AND HOST OF THE "DEAR CHELSEA" PODCAST, WE
LOVE HER SO MUCH ON THIS SHOW, THE GLORIOUS, CHELSEA HANDLER!
♪♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: WE'RE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE LOOKING TO WELL.
>> RIGHT BACK AT YOU, SWEETHEART, RIGHT BACK AT YOU!
>> James: BLESS YOU!
HOW WERE FEELING?
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, SINCE THEN THINGS HAVE OPENED UP MUCH
MORE IN LOS ANGELES.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE UNMASKING OF LOS ANGELES?
>> I WOULD SAY NOT QUITE READY.
>> James: WHY?
BECAUSE NOW THAT WE KNOW HOW GERMS ARE SPREAD, I WOULDN'T
MIND KEEPING MY MASK ON A LITTLE BIT MORE.
>> James: YES.
IT'S GOOD FOR BREATH PURPOSES, OTHER PEOPLE'S MOSTLY,
YOU KNOW,.
>> James: HAVE YOU EVER HAD THAT GOING WHEN YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY GOB SMACKED WHEN YOU SMELL YOUR OWN AND YOU GO, OH,
WOW, OKAY, I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
>> I KNOW WHEN IT'S MY MASK BECAUSE MY MASKS ALL SMELL AND
TASTE LIKE CANNABIS.
IF I PICK UP A FRIEND'S MASK -- WHICH YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
DO -- IF I DO BORROW SOMEONE'S MASK AND I SMELL IT AND DON'T
SMELL THE CANNABIS, THEN I'M REVOLTED.
>> James: YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT I FEEL LIKE -- I'M
INTERESTED IN KNOWING YOUR THOUGHTS -- I THOUGHT WE WERE
RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF PEOPLE MIGHT GO CRAZY THIS SUMMER.
>> PEOPLE ARE SEXUALLY PENT UP, THERE ARE ORANGEYS LIKE NEVER
BEFORE I PREDICT, AND A NEW STD.
PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE VACCINATED AND FIXED AND IT'S, LIKE, NO,
NO, NO, THERE ARE OTHER THINGS THAT CAN COME AND GET YOU, WATCH
OUT.
>> James: YOU THINK THERE WILL BE ORANGEYS.
>> I DO.
LOOK HOW YOUR EYES LIT UP.
>> James: NO!
THE MORE YOU SAY NO, THE MORE I HEAR YES, YES, YES!
>> James: NO, I WILL BE COMPLETELY HONEST.
I FIND ORGIES TERRIFYING.
THE PROSPECT OF BEING AMONGST AN ORGY, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW --
>> I GET IT.
>> James: IF I CATCH MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, I LOOK AT MY WIFE
AND I'M, LIKE, I'M SO SORRY.
YOU KNOW.
>> I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I'M NOT INTO ORGIES EITHER.
I MEAN, I WILL DO WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING AT SOME POINT BUT
I'M NOT PARTICULAR TO ORGIES.
I DON'T WANT TO RUN AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF GROSS UNKNOWN THINGS.
I'M NOT LIKE THAT EITHER FOR SIMILAR AND DIFFERENT REASONS.
>> James: IT JUST DOESN'T DO IT FOR ME.
>> I DON'T THINK PEOPLE ARE THERE TO LOOK AND IDLIZE YOUR
BODY.
I THINK PEOPLE ARE THERE TO GET, YOU KNOW, PENETRATED.
>> James: YES.
IT'S NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THAT, IT'S JUST MORE ABOUT THE ACT OF
EXCHANGING FLUIDS AND WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS DURING SEX AND
THAT'S HIS HUSBAND OR HER HUSBAND AND LET ME GO TRY THAT
AND IT'S LIKE A TIL TILT AWHIRL SEX.
WE RUN IN THE SAME CIRCLES AND THERE'S A LOT OF SEXUAL STUFF
HAPPENING IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA, A LOT OF ORGY KIND OF
THINGS, SWINGING, IF YOU WILL, AND THIS IS MY MOTION FOR
SWINGING.
>> James: I GET IT.
BUT I DEFINITELY HEARD ABOUT SOME THINGS GOING ON, SO, YEAH,
IT'S NOT FAR FROM WHEREVER YOU ARE.
>> James: NO.
YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH YEAH.
JUST KEEP YOUR EARS AND EYES OPEN AND THEN CLOSE ALL YOUR
OTHER BODY PARTS.
>> James: ORGIES ASIDE, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR SUMMER?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY VACATIONS PLANNED?
ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT TO HAVE THE COUNTRY?
>> IF OTHER COUNTRIES WILL HAVE US AT SOME POINT.
I'M GOING TO GO AWAY WITH MY FAMILY.
WE DOEN A ANNUAL SUMMER TRIP, FAMILY MEANING MY BROTHERS AND
SISTERS AND THEIR CHILDREN, THERE'S A LOT OF THEM LIKE EIGHT
OR NINE.
LAST YEAR WE WENT TO MARTHA'S VINEYARD BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WE
GREW UP, IT WAS OUR FAMILY TRIP.
WE WENT FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE IT WAS COVID.
THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
>> James: WHY?
I DON'T WANT TO SPEND TWO WEEKS WITH MY FAMILY.
>> James: IT'S ALWAYS LONGER THAN IT SEEMS WHEN YOU BOOK IT.
>> I THOUGHT, COVID, WE'VE ALL BEEN IN DOORS.
AFTER MARTHA'S VINEYARD FOR TWO WEEKS, I ALL WROTE THEM A
LETTER.
MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS ARE ALL GROWING UP AND THINK THEY'RE
LIKE US.
YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL THE BELVEDERE.
DRINK BEER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> James: YOU JUST DID A WEED TALK WHERE YOU DIDN'T SMOKE POT
FOR A MONTH, A WEED TOX.
DO YOU FEEL ANY DIFFERENT?
>> 30 DAYS I DID BECAUSE SOMEBODY CALLED INTO MY PACKED,
DEAR CHELSEA, WHICH IS ALL ABOUT ME GIVING ADVICE TO PEOPLE WHO
WANT IT, SOLICITED, BECAUSE BEFORE I WAS GIVING UNSOLICITED
BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY PEOPLE ASKING.
THIS GUY WAS HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING STONED, AND I SAID TAKE
A DETOX.
FOR THE CANNABIS USERS, IT'S GOOD TO TAKE A BREAK, A WEEK A
MONTH OR A MONTH A YEAR.
I DID IT FOR HIM.
I HAD NEVER TAKEN A 30-DAY BREAK FROM SMOKING WEED SO I DID IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I FELT GOOD AND I FELT SO CLEAR, AND I DON'T LOVE
THAT FEELING.
( LAUGHTER ) I TAKE CANNABIS TO FEEL A LITTLE
OFF KILTER.
I LIKE SURPRISES, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I LIKE TO FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO SOFTEN THE EDGES, BUT I
ALSO LIKE TO BE CHILL ABOUT WHATEVER IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND
WHEN I'M VERY MENTALLY CLEAR, IT'S LIKE WATCH THE ( BLEEP )
OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> James: I GET IT.
UNDERSTAND, I DO.
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO DO THE DEAR CHELSEA PODCAST?
BEFORE YOU DID THE PODCAST WERE THEY TURNING TO YOU FOR ADVICE
REGULARLY?
>> PEOPLE COME TO ME FOR ADVICE A LOT.
>> James: I UNDERSTAND THAT.
WHAT I'M GOOD AT IS PUSHING PEOPLE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,
TO HAVE THE BRAVER CHOICES, TO BE THE GIRLFRIEND THAT SAYS YOU
CAN LEAVE THAT GUY, YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS OR IF A JOB
ISN'T SATISFYING.
MOST PEOPLE THAT CALL IN NEED THE EXTRA BEST FRIEND PUSH.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO THE PERSON.
>> James: THAT'S WHY I THINK YOU'RE GREAT FOR IT.
ORGANICALLY, YOU ARE A PERSON OF TRUTH AND NO JUDGMENT.
LIKE, AND THAT MAKES YOU, I THINK, THE PERFECT PERSON TO DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
>> I'M JUDGY.
I JUDGE THE PERSON.
I CAN'T SAY I'M DEVOID OF JUDGMENT BUT I AM ON YOUR SIDE.
I'M ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE.
>> James: YES, YOU WOULD BE UNDERSTANDING THAT WE'RE ALL A
WALKING FAILURE.
>> WE'RE ALL ONE SATURDAY AWAY FROM AN ORGY, EVERYONE.
>> James: YEAH.
WE'RE ALL MESSING UP AT POINTS.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> James: I THINK IT'S GREAT YOU'RE DOING THIS AND I'M ALSO
PLEADS YOU'RE ALSO STARTING TO WORK ON NEW STANDUP STUFF.
YOU HAVE BEEN DOING, LIKE, SMALL CLUBS WORKING ON NEW MATERIAL.
HOW'S IT BEEN BEING OUT IN FRONT OF AUDIENCES AGAIN?
>> IT'S VERY -- YES.
IT'S SO WEIRD GETTING ON A STAGE AND WORKING.
I LIKE TO WORK OUT MY NEW HOUR OF MATERIAL IN SMALL CLUBS.
I'M ANNOUNCING A TOUR IN THE FALL WHICH I HAVEN'T ANNOUNCED
YT.
I AM IN THE SANTA BARBARA BOWL AND THE MIRAGE AND A COUPLE OF
THOSE THINGS, BUT IT WAS CRAZY TO GO ON STAGE AND SEE ALL THESE
PEOPLE WITHOUT MASKS ON.
IT WAS LIKE LOOKING AT A BUNCH OF ( BLEEP ) TOOTHPICKS.
BECAUSE IT'S SHOCKING AT FIRST.
PEOPLE HAVE FULL FACES.
>> James: I LOVED YOUR HBO MAX SPECIAL, EVOLUTION.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS, A TRUE EVOLUTION OF YOU AS A PERSON.
YOU WERE MUCH MORE VULNERABLE ON STAGE.
IT WAS A DIFFERENT SPECIAL TO WHAT YOU'D NORMALLY DONE.
HAS THAT SPECIAL HAD A CHANGE IN YOUR APPROACH TO WRITING YOUR
MATERIAL?
>> WELL, DEFINITE MORE OF AN ADULT, NOW THAT I CAN DO ONE
PROJECT AT A TIME, I DO TAKE IT MORE SERIOUSLY, I AM MORE THE
THOUEDICLE.
I AM A MORE KIND OF PROFESSIONAL ABOUT EVERYTHING.
SO, BUT, YEA, THIS SPECIAL WAS SO IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE IT
REALLY REPRESENTS ME GOING TO THERAPY AND COMING OUT OF
THERAPY THE OTHER SIDE.
NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALL OF THAT AND I DEBITCHED MYSELF,
WHICH IS BASICALLY WHAT THERAPY IS, YOU FIND OUT YOU'RE A BITCH
AND THEN HOW DO I -- >> James: DE-BITCH.
DE-BITCH.
SO NOW I GET UP TWO HOURS EARLIER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE JUST
TO CALM THE ( BLEEP ) DOWN, JU SO I CAN BE PLEASANT TO PEOPLE
AND NICE WHEREVER I GO AND SPREAD JOY AND SUNSHINE.
SO I APPLY THAT TO MY STAND-UP NOW.
I TYKE THE BITCHY THINGS I DON'T WANT TO SAFE OUT LOUD AND PUT IT
IN MY STAND-UP BECAUSE PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR THEM.
>> James: I'M EXCITED.