- [Narrator] Are you facing a challenging dilemma
in your life right now?
"The Dilemma" is a new Jubilee show
and we're looking for people who are seeking advice,
willing to be vulnerable
and anonymously sharing their dilemmas on camera.
Click on the link in the description below
and share your dilemma.
(gentle serene music) (transition whooshes)
- I love my girlfriend
but her Christian parents hate that my family is Muslim.
Should I breakup with her?
Yes or no?
(gentle funky music)
- [Narrator] We brought together a group of strangers
to help an anonymous person make one
of their toughest decisions.
- My girlfriend's family does not like my background.
It's affected my mood. (gentle funky music continues)
It's affected who I am and it's affected my ability to love.
- [Narrator] After hearing the group's advice,
which choice will this person make?
This is "The Dilemma". (gentle funky music continues)
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(footsteps tapping)
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- How long have you been with your girlfriend?
- Nine months.
- What do her parents have against Muslims?
- So, we live in a really tight-knit community.
Our families know each other through mutual friends
but back in her family's home country,
Christians are a minority population,
where Muslims are the majority population
and minorities are not treated the best.
So they have some prejudice
because they didn't grow up in the U.S.
- Have you had any backlash on your family's end?
- My mom is okay with me being with her
but she doesn't prefer it.
- Have you tried talking to the parents?
- I've tried to ask her to set something up and she did ask
but I have not met her family
because they refused to meet me.
One time, I did almost get to talk to her mom,
when her mom came to drop her off.
I, like, waved at her mom but her mom just,
like, walked away.
- Are there any concessions you're willing to make
to stay with her?
- I'm not sure because I'm Muslim and such
but you know, I'm so young that I'm really just trying
to figure myself out right now.
So it kinda feels like an attack on my family
and not necessarily me.
Even if I became Christian,
I think it's really...
They just hate my whole family.
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- [Director] Based on the information that you guys now have
does anyone feel like they wanna jump to the yes side?
- Okay, let it go, bro.
(gentle brooding music)
- If you can't even be treated with, like, respect,
like, you've been together almost a year
and nobody's even said, "Hi" to you.
Like, that's not even basic decency.
So I was like, "Oof."
That doesn't really seem like it.
It might be worth your time to really invest in-
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- To what extent does her family's view of you impact
your relationship from your perspective?
- It definitely is something
that looms over the relationship.
She's a really timid person.
So whenever this comes up, it really shakes her.
Sometimes she cries.
Sometimes we just can't go out anymore.
And it definitely impacts how I feel
because it makes me think, like,
"Am I doing this for nothing?
Am I gonna dig a deep pit?"
Like, three years from now
and then, like, I'm gonna try to marry her
and her family's gonna say, "No."
- Has your girlfriend expressed her priorities
in terms of maintaining a long term relationship
with her family, even if it compromises her relationship
with you or vice versa?
- She believes that over time our relationship may work out.
Like, maybe even into marriage.
Her family, obviously, is first
but she's willing to make some sacrifices.
She would maybe get kicked out
for a few months or something like that.
- Are you in love?
- I would say, yeah.
She's like my first girlfriend.
We kinda were friends before.
I think at a certain point, it kinda clicked for me.
It's just a different feeling
and it's a different type of care.
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(footsteps tapping)
(gentle brooding music)
- The more questions that were asked,
the more it kinda seemed a little bit, one sided.
It seemed like, he was trying a little bit harder
than she was.
I've been on the girlfriend's side a little bit,
in terms of not wanting
to share everything that wasn't healthy.
And that was a sign for me that it was time to end things,
If I am not able to be fully open and fully honest
and fully fight for the person that I love.
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- The narratives where you felt, like, him having
to force something out of her, it feels controlling.
I think that he's just first time being in love,
he's first time kind of being chosen.
And so it makes you fight harder for that.
But again, it has to be reciprocated.
- I actually might disagree.
It's the opposite.
He's the one that's being controlled
because how her family feels impacts when they can go out,
if she's gonna be upset or not.
And I feel, like, over time
that is so detrimental to his person.
Like, I don't want him to feel like he has
to change who he is because of how other people feel.
- I actually disagree with that.
I don't feel like you're being controlled.
I come from an immigrant family
and a lot of my friends do
and having those initial conversations,
let's say even, like, cultural differences,
religious differences is really hard.
I've definitely had a lot of tough conversations
with my parents and it's not been easy
but I've felt the fruitful end of,
like, having them understand who I am,
understand what I've experienced in this country,
which could be very different from what they've experienced.
And I think it's worth the effort always.
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- I think at the end of the day it matters
about how much family is important to you guys.
I think that if family is both
of you guys' number one priority, it might not work out.
- I totally agree with your mental health,
how is this affecting you
and if it is affecting you in a, like, a very big way,
then that's when you have to leave.
Just because you're Muslim
or Christian or race or whatever, you shouldn't be judged.
That's just who I am, I can't change me.
You know what I mean?
And that's the same for him.
I don't want somebody just to change who he is.
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- I notice people
who are in the exact same situation as you.
One of my close friends, their parents, families
don't get along with each other at all.
And, like, their marriage is great.
They have four kids
and I've seen the way they interact with each other.
And I know that they don't regret their marriage at all
and sticking through it.
- I feel like there is potential there.
If you do have the opportunity sometime to meet them,
that will kind of help you decide
whether or not you wanna stay together,
based off of the actual in-person experience
of seeing them.
(gentle brooding music)
love is a very powerful thing
and you can't really just let the ideas
of your parents get in the way
of something that you truly feel passionate about.
You can't just give up on something
without giving it a full chance.
(gentle suspenseful music)
- [Director] How are you feeling right now?
- I'm feeling a little bit more conflicted
but I'm feeling also, like, I have new insight.
I think I'm 60/40,
because I know that one decision can hurt me a lot.
And the other decision could still hurt me
but in the long run.
(gentle suspenseful music continues)
- [Rashaad] This is, like, the biggest red flag.
- [Jonathan] Yeah.
- [Tatiana] This is, do they accept me for who I am?
- [Rashaad] This is my culture, this is my tradition,
this is my heritage, this is my family.
- [Tatiana] My family.
- [Lizzie] I feel like, they're just now deciding
that they do wanna commit to each other.
- [Shweta] Yeah.
- [Lizzie] Because, I mean, it does take a minute.
- [Shweta] It does. - [Participant] Mm-hmm.
- [Lizzie] So, I feel, like, they still have that chance
to work through things.
- [Shweta] Yeah. - [Matthew] Yeah.
- [Lizzie] And you can't let your parents beliefs dictate
your whole life.
- [Rashaad] This whole topic's been about the family.
- [Jonathan] It's not about the love.
- [Attendee] Yes.
- [Tatiana] That should be the focus.
Like, she's gonna have to choose him every time, forever.
- [Lauren] And she's not.
- [Shweta] He wouldn't Put up with conflict,
If there wasn't something worth it at the end.
- [Lizzie] Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I think he loves her. - [Shweta] Yeah.
(gentle suspenseful music continues)
- You deserve to feel seen and heard and loved and safe.
And it feels like, right now,
you don't feel all of those things
and you guys are young and we want you to have time
to, like, get out and potentially experience other people
and other things to know, like,
is this a one time feeling with this one person?
And if you consider a breakup and you guys breakup
and you're supposed to be together,
you'll find your way back.
And maybe things would be different then with the family
or you or your priorities will change.
But as of right now,
it feels like, you might,
should consider (laughs) a breakup.
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- Instead of going away from it,
from a standpoint of right now,
things are not the way they should be.
I'm gonna end it.
I see it as it's also our responsibility to educate
and teach our parents.
And I see your relationship
as actually something very beautiful
because within nine months you're facing conflict
and facing this conflict
not only helps your guys' relationship
but it also, I think, would really benefit her relationship
with her parents because it's really important
to have difficult conversations
in order to progress forward.
(gentle brooding music)
- [Director] Steven, can you just tell us right now,
how you are feeling.
- I've gotten a reality check into what I need to do.
I'm leaning towards a decision
but I don't think that I'm super confident.
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I think asking her to really push
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and really try to meet them
because she has shown effort into wanting to be with me.
So I don't think it's something
that I could just cut off without even trying.
(gentle inspirational music continues)
I talked to her and I told her that I needed
to meet one or both of her parents soon
but she was nervous about it.
And it's something that she wasn't really planning
on doing soon.
I actually did end up meeting her mom
and I talked to her mom for almost an hour, basically.
- [Director] Did your girlfriend say anything
to you after the conversation you had with her mom?
- [Steven] Yeah, she said that her mom liked me
but it's just she was still wary
about the whole idea of any type of guy.
(gentle inspirational music continues)
Getting advice from these people really helped me.
I needed the encouragement to be able to do something,
that I would've otherwise never had the courage to do.
And I'm hopeful for the future.
(gentle inspirational music continues)
(participants applauding)