- So over the years, I've kind of got a reputation
of someone that loves house plants.
(gentle music)
But also, let's be honest,
someone that kills house plants.
(whispering) Please come back to life.
A lot of you have been asking me to make
a video about house plants,
maybe to hold me accountable
for my crimes against the plant kingdom.
Or, you just wanna see me hang out
with my little planty babies.
Either way, this is a very exciting moment, because today,
I'm gonna share with you my passion for plants.
I was trying not to spit all over the camera then.
I think I got away with it.
But first, something very exciting,
we're northern because I'm so excited,
is my new merch!
You might've been eying up this t-shirt.
It's called the Hydrated collection,
because if you know me, you know I like to stay
(drum roll)
(laughing) hydrated.
It's got some really cool green and blue embroidery
which pops nicely.
Please ignore the horny pigeon outside. (laughs)
Listen to me.
I've also got another t-shirt.
This slightly cute, cactus hydrated shirt.
I tried to make it the most Phil shirt ever,
and I think I succeeded, so hopefully
you guys love it as much as I do.
I'm also taking my first fray
(laughs) into interior design,
and I've made the cactus cushion,
which makes any sofa or bed look incredible.
It's also got ribbed and slightly metallic stitching
for a bit of texture,
if you like that kinda thing.
And last but definitely not least
is the incredible holographic purple and blue Fern tote.
So holographic, much bag.
Which I've collaborated with Spiral on.
It's got its own zip, so your stuff won't be all everywhere,
and it's big enough to put your laptop in.
If you wanna check any of this out,
it is at AmazingPhilShop.com.
There is a link below.
(adventurous music)
All right, let's start with this bitch. (laughs)
It's the most needy plant ever.
Imagine it as a friend
who's like "I don't wanna go to that restaurant,
"I don't know what I want.
"I don't know if I'm too hot, too cold,
"too watered, too not."
You need to spritz it every single day
so it doesn't get too dry,
but then it can't be too wet,
because it starts getting yellow patches on his leaves.
So I'm trying my best.
Kind of not succeeding but,
she has stayed alive for at least two years.
I don't know what kind of plant it is, actually.
A needy one.
This is a magic bean, I grew it out of a can,
(laughs) which I wasn't expecting to happen.
I think it's dead,
but it grew quite far.
This is Norman's fish tank.
I mean, I think that's technically a house plant.
It's got plants in it.
We've got some grassy boys, we got some mossy boys.
I don't know why they're all boys.
Bonzai, more like Bonz-why.
(air horn blows) I don't know why I'm being Australian.
They're so hard to look after.
When you get them home, they just go crispy.
They just wanna be moist, they just wanna be wet.
They just wanna be
(whispering) hydrated,
Tiny terrarium one.
Like the hot guy or girl that sat reading
in the corner of the library.
You never really know that they're there,
but then when you look over, you're like
"Oh!
"Hello!
"Mystery
"and beauty."
Terrarium Big Lad.
I'm not sure about this one.
Kinda looks like an angry hand,
like it's reaching to grab me or something.
But, it's a joy to look after.
It's not dead, what more can I say?
If this plant was a person, it'd be out
'til 4 a.m. at a nightclub
as it is surrounded by the booze in the house. (laughs)
I don't water it with rum, but I might as well,
because that's where it lives.
This beast is the Z plant
or the Z-Z plant, or the Zed-Zed-plant,
or the (buzzes) plant.
I don't know how to say it, but it's got Zeds in it,
and this is a monster.
I don't know, it's taking over the room.
It's unkillable.
Look how thick its branches are.
Like how is it fitting in that pot?
It's also flowered twice,
which I have photographic evidence of
and someone said that was super rare,
so I'm basically a scientific botanist
and I should be sent to the jungle to research plants.
The golden pig is not a plant,
I just wanted it to be in this video.
Now this would be a very aesthetic ass,
aesthetic corner if all the plants hadn't of died
in this terrarium.
I don't know what happened.
Why is there a parrot in there? (laughs)
So this Bonzai started to go yellow,
which meant we were overwatering it,
and then it went crispy,
which meant we were underwatering it,
so the conclusion is, eff Bonzais.
This little friend blooming out of my crotch,
I think he's a seagrass.
I don't know what it is, but I love it.
It's got great color, it's got great texture.
It's a big sharp, so you don't wanna
fall eye-first into the pot, but generally,
it's been a great houseplant.
It's got a bit of performance anxiety,
but you should never judge.
Maybe we could just give it a drink
and it will become more, I'm not gonna say erect,
I did. (laughs)
Not a plant, but I just discovered
Lotus Biscoff Crunchy Spread.
Combining that with a bagel
was the best breakfast of my life.
It's the under-stair plant.
I can't remember if this is real or fake,
but I've never watered it, so I'm assuming it's fake.
It's just a nice little bonus.
If you're falling down the stairs,
it's the last thing you'll see before you die.
Whenever someone comes over, they're like
"wow, that's such a cool tree thing
"you've got in your hallway!"
and I never tell them it's fake, so
I'm a liar and a fraud.
I feel like if I went to school with this,
it wouldn't be friends with me.
It's a little bit like "ugh.
"Don't get near me, human."
I don't like this.
It's too eager.
It's like "hello!
"Welcome to the house."
It reminds me of that thing from Jurassic Park
that goes (blows raspberry).
I think it'd be obnoxious if it was a person
and we wouldn't be friends.
And make a noise like (honks).
(honks) (laughs)
So this is a succulent in a very dark bathroom,
'cause all the lights broke,
and I can't be bothered to sort it out,
so I just do bathroom stuff in the dark
when I'm (mutters)
(laughing) just normal bathroom stuff!
Anyway, it reminds me of when like Thor
or Captain America lands on ground and it breaks the ground,
'cause this is a crappy bathroom.
It's got a dent.
You see what I mean?
So it's like (mimics explosion).
(sings super hero melody)
I've got too much time on my hands.
This classy lady
is a Aspidistra Elatior.
She is tall, she's sophisticated.
I feel like she'd go on a runway,
and everyone would be like "work."
Doesn't require that much water,
also I forget about it quite a lot,
so it's got a slight dust coating.
Maybe it helps.
A bit of fertilizer, human skin.
That's what dust is.
You're just inhaling your own skin.
And there is a little (laughs),
a little confetti from when I did
my charity and HS stream.
Drink.
I've had these for ages, and I didn't realize
that they were magnetic.
Which one would you rather sit on?
I mean (laughs) not in a weird way,
just in a scary, would-you-rather way.
This is probably one of the ones
I'm the most proud of.
It is the Peace Lilly.
I've had it for years.
It's like the Jesus of plants.
This one has died and come back to life so many times.
I've had it since about 2014.
Kinda taking up the whole house.
I think at on point, I might wake up and it's just eating me
because it gets bigger and bigger.
I think it's growing so fast it's killing itself
because (laughs)
it has dead bits.
But it just keeps replacing them.
It's unkillable.
These flowers are beautiful.
Look at that, it almost looks plastic, almost looks fake.
I'd make out with it, but it's probably
poisonous.
(laughing)
So the mushroom kingdom.
Got myself some Piranha Plants.
Very easy to care for, but might bite
one of your body parts off if you're not careful.
Yodeling pickle, not a plant.
This, I get a lot of comments
saying "Wow, I love your cactus.
"How is it so beautiful?"
It's just not real.
It's fake.
It's a sham.
I'm wearing shorts. (laughs)
This Old Faithful.
Had this plant since I came to London,
so I've got a soft spot for it.
I wouldn't cry if it died, but I'd be sad
for, like, a few hours.
It's like one of those friends
that you don't need to call,
but you're still friends two years later.
Water it once every two weeks.
Have to hold it up with tape
because it got very droopy in its older age
as some guys do.
(laughs) Uh.
Generally, a great plant.
I hope it lives forever.
(adventurous music)
This bad boy, I think, is my most proud achievement in life.
It's a Japanese Acer.
This is the lead character of anime, the plant.
It just makes the whole balk pop
with its autumnal colors.
This Acer reminds me of myself.
It's trying its best, but it's just not
(laughing) succeeding at everything.
It's really trying to grow,
and it has two kinds of leaves,
kind of like when I had my haircut
and it went a bit wrong.
That's how I feel this tree looks.
But, I'm a fan.
It's a strong seven out of ten.
And then, a squirrel laid an acorn? (laughs)
It didn't lay an acorn,
it buried an acorn, I saw it doin' it,
and now an acorn tree, what's an acorn tree?
And oak tree is growing,
which led me to Google oak trees,
and I freaked myself out in an existential way
because oak trees live for a thousand years!
A thousand years!
(distorted) A thousand years.
So thanks for giving me a plant
I need to take care of for a thousand years,
squirrel.
This thing, it's a strong buddy.
I think it'd be called Greg
or something with a G sound in it.
I also dump every single insect
that ever crawls into the apartment
inside this grass,
so there's some kind of insect Hunger Games
going on in there.
And if you listen carefully,
you can hear the screams
of little ladybug Katniss
as she's eaten by a spider.
Dark.
We don't talk about this,
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it was.
I don't know what's going on in there.
Even the weeds are dying in there.
Finally, the most important outside feature
is Steve.
He visits every day, around 5 o'clock.
He's like a normal London pigeon,
but a shiny version, like a Shiny pokemon.
I started feeding him, and then he just kept coming back
around 5 o'clock, and if I didn't feed him,
he'd just crawl towards the window.
Never come into the apartment,
just crawl right to the edge,
sit there, and then start cooing angrily.
(cooing) Steve, I've already fed you.
What do you want?
(coos louder)
Okay, that was intense.
Take that back.
I've had more interaction with Steve
than any other human during lockdown,
so I'm developing unhealthy emotional attachment.
Don't go!
So that was my plant tour (laughs)
I guess.
In conclusion, plants are great.
They make me happy, they please the eyes.
Some die, some live, it's the circle of life.
Either way, you should have as many as you can.
This has just inspired me to get more.
So if you enjoyed this, please give me a thumbs up,
tag yourself, let me know which plant you are
in the comments below.
Good bye.
(gentle piano music)