hi I'm Jimmy Kimmel I love David Letterman too I assume you do that's why you're here right now
I've watched these shows I would tape them I still have these VHS tapes I still have the anniversary
shows which I I duplicated the logo as best I I could on the side of the VHS tape and I would
watch them over and over again and these shows really for me were what I did in lieu of dating
this was my life as a kid and some of these clips are just unbelievably funny now this is a bit that
one of my Riders at my show pitched this bit a couple of weeks ago and I said we can't do that
because Dave did this already and of course it was before one of these writers was born there
was a a bit where they were going to come up with catchphrases which have kind of Gone Away there
are no catchphrases on TV but in the old days there are a lot of them you know Welcome Back
Cotter you know up your nose with a rubber hose or Fonzie would say sin on it and so on on Letterman
they wanted to come up with some new catch phrases and there were these two nerds they said in a very
monotone voice simultaneously they pelted us with rocks and garbage and this is something that we
would say a lot at school and uh yet another one of the reasons why I never had any dates
our search for a brand new catchphrase a candidate number one please
oh when will my head stop throbbing can anyone stop this throbbing okay that was
all right that's catchphrase number one when will my head stop throbbing can't anyone stop this
throbbing now here's our second catchphrase of the evening uh this time it's a woman uh
see how you like it catchphrase number two a dozen pieces pizzas oh it's those damn kids
thank you very much all right once catchphrase number two is a dozen pizzas oh it's those
damn kids now catchphrase number three for your consideration I believe we have a trio this time
so boys how was school today they Pelt at us with rocks and garbage okay
in the old days of late night they would do these great in-studio remotes that I know probably took
the Riders a month to put together there were a little funny little props and and the audience
was it was very quiet you know it wasn't like talk shows are now where everything's loud and
everybody's like yo and you know with the music and all that stuff and there was a
segment called camping with Barry White and if you don't know who Barry White is he was uh uh
very uh big voiced uh husky voice sexually hey baby he'd probably never been camping in his
life but there's some great props in this thing and just just the sentence camping with Barry
White is uh you can't go wrong from there now next suction the venom out of the wound
there you are now after that get Barry White to a doctor immediately now you
know walkie-talkies can also be a lifesaver in an emergency but their sound quality is often
tinny and shrill with almost no bass response they might not transmit Barry's call for help
that's why this design has a powerful five inch Witcher woofer five inch woofer attached to
it now let's see how this works let me try uh hello Barry do you read me David my leg
okay don't worry Barry help is on the way well there's one of the great recurring segments
on Letterman was viewer mail people would write letters and these were real letters and then there
would be responses to those letters and sometimes there were quick responses and sometimes they were
very elaborate responses and there was a woman whose name was Colleen young woman who wrote a
letter to Dave and I think she asked him something like what's the deal with your shoes because Dave
would wear these Adidas instead of dress shoes and Dave went to her house she wasn't home
but he went in her brother was home she went he went into her bedroom and looked
around and then she didn't come home so they went to her job at Sears this
woman she wrote like one sentence which is what's the deal with the shoes and the next
thing you know Dave is showing up at your Sears Roebuck in New Jersey or something hi
are you Colleen are you Colleen Boyle yes did you write this letter Colleen so what's the
deal with the sneakers I don't think Morgan Bryant would host their shows wearing high tops Colleen
um
here we have we have this little gift for you here this is for you this is for the
yard we were over at your house just a minute here now Colleen what we wanted
well we wanted to talk to you about this it says right here you're concerned about my image
stop making that annoying noise
this guy right here was sitting on your bed ooh
okay so this is an interview I've never seen I'm looking forward to seeing it I'm going to tell you
why there were certain guests that you knew enough about to know that magic was going to happen when
Dave got a hold of him it wasn't as friendly an environment talk show wise back then there were
only two talk shows really it was Johnny and Dave and so if the guests wanted to promote something
they just had to deal with it it wasn't like now where we have to be nice to everybody or else they
won't come back Dave had Shirley McLean on the show and this was a very big deal because Shirley
MacLean was nutty you know with the psychic stuff and all the stuff that that Dave doesn't go for
and she was on the show and I was very excited about it and I waited up as I usually do I made
the mistake of watching the show from bed and I remember distinctly waking up at three o'clock
in the morning with a sick feeling in my stomach I was was like oh no I missed it so now thanks to
YouTube I'll watch this too are you really feeling it no I feel fine it's just that it took it
how many other lives have you had suppose I don't know wow however many you want however
many you want to remember we have here six you've been a Jester is that true
Six Lives that's what it says here past lives right here well you don't want to
know what they say backstage what was the question past lives not you were a jester oh
what is psychic acupuncture
okay sit back I have to give you a little is this going to be another medical procedure here
I have a nurse standing by for this as well they should have taken it out of your brains um
why are you so interested in this if you say you you know it's because I
know you're interested in it and I thought perhaps it would be something you would like
to chat about but I've already said that I don't think we can get into
it and you keep harping on it maybe Cher was right maybe you are an ass foreign
maybe a little more Olympic boxing
now why did you say that I thought that was a great remark oh what calling me an ass he thought
that was a great remark the only thing as far as past lives go uh I vaguely have a feeling that at
one point I delivered a pizza to the Eisenhower's foreign Chris Elliott is one of probably five
or six people who makes me laugh just when I see him his motions his his fake show business
affectations it's the way he carries himself is so amusing he did so many great characters on the
show they were all kind of the same he did Marlon Brando this is bizarre imitation Marlon Brando it
really didn't sound anything like Marlon brothers to interrupt your little kitchen pantry utensil
hour and said that I was watching by the way in the green room and just to say you know the Green
Room ladies and gentlemen is not actually Green in fact it's painted white as white as my big
but he also did a couple of these characters and one of them was the guy under the seats
this is a guy who lives under the seats in the show and he would come up from under the seats
and eventually start threatening Dave there was always like a subtext of anger in almost all of
Chris's shows directed at Dave when they do it which I don't know maybe they do it like
once every couple weeks it would be a big Topic in high school the next morning also
visit from Kenny The Gardener and we'll be answering our weekly bath
here and we're coming up with the Robin Williams of Japan Gregory
excuse me my uh my English is very bad do you know when this fog will stop no I'm
uh I'm not sure we don't know anything about the fog sorry oh this is very bad very bad yes
ladies and gentlemen of course that was episode number eight
of our running character the guy under the seat starring our own Chris Elliott
Chris oh there he is right now come on up Chris and think about Chris
Krista
well that was episode number eight the guy under the seats well what did you
call this one this was called the Russian sub crisis oh yeah
oh I see it's sort of kind of an international guy under the seats yeah kind of Dave yeah
now uh Chris for the for the folks who may not be familiar with with the character or
the guy under the seats why don't you briefly explain what the joke is here he's a guy who
lives under the seats here and every once in a while he comes up and he interrupts the show yeah
you were doing kind of a uh kind of a I guess a Russian accent or something I
don't know I don't know to me it uh it almost sounded uh like it was Spanish
yeah that's funny Dave
is there a problem with the accent no no no it was no problem at all I just thought you
know with a Russian accent maybe it'd be a little more guttural sounding that's all you
know a little more guttural oh yeah that's right I forgot you're a master of dialects
I was I was only asking always so quick to criticize no I wasn't criticizing I
was you know something Minister one of these days I'm gonna have
you dancing around like an organ Grinders monkey
but until that wonderful and glorious day I'll be right here watching you
making your life a living hell
am I watch anything
I grew up in Las Vegas when Letterman announced that he was bringing the show to Vegas
I was watching live and I wrote at least a dozen letters to the show because you'd write in for
tickets you can only submit one set of ticket requests per household so I I wrote in for tickets
from my friend cleito across the street my friend Jimmy my friend my grandfather everybody I knew
everyone who's a dress I knew I put on a ticket request and in the morning I mailed them I felt
I would get a jump on this and I told everyone whose name was on the envelope that if you get
these tickets you have to take me as your plus one so I went to all the shows that week I even went
and stood outside the hotel we'd seen Dave's what was we were told was Dave's rental car and it was
parked in the alley and the door was open and we waited hours to see Dave get in that rental car
and guess what they've never got in that rental car I actually crank called Chris Elliott's hotel
room and told him I asked her pretended be another one of the writers and I said hey Chris what are
you guys doing tonight he's like oh we're going to the movies and he told me what movie he was
going to and then we went to the movie theater and watched Chris Elliot walk into a movie theater so
I was a very sick boy really really troubled but these Vegas shows were I felt like Dave had come
to my house almost it was as close as I could get to that and in fact one of the local radio
stations in town to welcome the show to Vegas put up a big billboard and it was a Nevada license
plate said l8nite that was my actual license plate on my car Dave in Vegas was one of the
top weeks of my whole life all right this must be the happy couple hi congratulations nice to see
you what's your name Laura Laurie congratulations of you Sir Charles Charles and everything go all
right in there so now what are you gonna do we're gonna to go have a reception at the International
House of Pancakes you're having a reception at the International House of Pancake yeah and then then
gambling after that gambling after that yeah party down tonight now if I came along would you would
you buy me pancakes sure all right okay all right well good luck kids thank you all my best they're
having their reception at the International House of Pancakes well to each their own huh yeah
what is this exactly get out of here when GE bought NBC this was a big deal Dave decided that
he was going to go over to the GE Building GE was this big Corporation they you know they sold light
bulbs they weren't really a television a media Empire and Dave went over and he had to know he
wasn't going to be welcome he went over with a gift basket of some kind to introduce himself to
his new overlords and there was a a very thuggish but professional security guard the kind you only
see in New York who is not letting them in or up it didn't matter what network Dave was on
it didn't matter who it was and this guy really um made the opposite of a great first impression
how are you I'm Dave Letterman nice to meet you what is your name I'm going to ask you to turn
the cameras off please okay we just wanted to drop off this a basket of fruit a gesture of Goodwill
cut the cameras please we have to talk to the director right over there Mr Gurney director uh
a gesture of Goodwill we're working together now we're all fellow employees now uh you as
you watch that maybe you didn't realize that we got to see a glimpse of the official General
Electric handshake how can we take a look at what the corporate handshake looks like you can see it
now the security gentleman is about to shake there you go okay now let's let's take a look at the uh
here it is in slow motion now the the General
Electric corporate handshake get a good look at it because
no okay now I have one more
and we we thought perhaps that was an isolated episode but later the gentleman was introducing
himself to our director Mr Hal gertner Hal show him that and we'll see if we can't isolate the
corporate handshake again from the folks of GE comes over there's Hal nope all right let's
let's take a look take a look at that one now again in slow motion here it is the last time
you'll see it on the show the official General Electric corporate handshake I don't think so okay
you'll probably never meet anyone who is more genuinely into the show than I
was I mean I had themed parties on every Friday night that there would be a show I
had a Bermuda party uh yeah Bermuda yeah I uh I mean I never missed the
show it was I think the only one I missed was when I fell asleep
I was too confident I was cocky you know I got into bed I was like I'm ready for this
and then I was out