A good friend is hard to find, but a true friend is even more difficult to lose.
And then there are the friends that make you wonder how you ever became close in the first
place.
Hi viewers and welcome back to Bestie!
Not all friendships are filled with the same depth and emotion.
Some are just surface level and some, toxic.
But many of us put up with it because of the pain of letting go.
The fact is...it’s not normal.
It’s detrimental to your health and development as an individual.
There are certain indicators that can help you identify such a friendship, so that you
can get out of it as soon as possible.
In today’s video, we will tell you what the signs of a toxic friendship are.
From making you feel insecure, not respecting your boundaries, pointing out your flaws,
not being trustworthy to trying to change you and more, watch till the end to learn
about all of them.
They’re Jealous: Healthy competition between friends is normal, and can even be positive.
It can you to be your best self while examining where you can improve.
But sometimes it can cross a line into jealousy.
This may include behaviours like aggressive competition, one-upping, and excessive attempts
at diminishing your accomplishments.
Good friends are like cheerleaders.
They root you on and take pride in your success.
However, when jealousy interferes with a friend's ability to be supportive, it can have detrimental
effects on the friendship.
That’s not to say that good friends won’t have fleeting moments of jealousy—that's
just life.
But they work to contain those emotions and express them appropriately, rather than through
veiled insults or overt competitiveness.
Do you have competitive friends?
Would consider that competition as healthy or unhealthy?
Do tell us down below in the comments section!
They make you feel insecure: If you're always walking away from your friend feeling down
on yourself, or having to talk yourself into why that person is your friend, well they
might not be right for you at this time.
Listen to your gut and start taking small steps back, away from any scenarios that might
connect you two.
While, of course, some friends are simply honest to a fault.
This means you’ll occasionally face negative reactions that are tough to stomach.
Those same straightforward pals will also prove equally supportive and consistently
build you up.
Pay attention to internal cues.
Tune into your body.
Do you feel weighed down, drained, and unsure of yourself?
Listening to our inner voice is the best place to start.
They are incapable of showing you tough love: The difference between toxic friends and good
friends is like the difference between not brushing your teeth as self-care, and forcing
yourself to work out as self-care.
One gives you a small luxury in the moment that you later regret, while the other actually
helps you even if you resent it at the time.
Good friends encourage you to be your best self, even when it isn't the obvious option.
Toxic friends aren’t invested in your continued well-being.
Psychology research shows that good friends may choose to indulge a negative emotion in
that person in the short term, to help them accomplish goals.
This is called tough love.
They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do: When you’re around them, they
pressure you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with and make you feel like a
loser when you don’t do them.
It’s good to be around people who encourage you to try new things but it becomes toxic
when they are forcing you to do things.
You should be encouraged but not forced to try new things and move out of your comfort
zone.
Being forced to do anything has dire consequences that make relationships like this toxic.
They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries: It can be hard to put your finger on this.
Especially if you’re younger and still learning your own boundaries.
Sometimes good friends will push on your decisions, too.
To determine if your friends are toxic, or if they’re just encouraging you outside
your comfort zone, try to think of the last three times you wanted to stick to the course
of action and were turned away from it.
Did you want an early night but end up staying out?
Did you enjoy a new cafe but got told it wasn’t any good?
Reflect on where you’ve strayed from your choices, but more importantly on the outcomes
of those choices.
Good friends know that encouraging you to try new things is not the same as violating
boundaries.
By examining the outcomes, you’ll know whether your friends have your best interests at heart
— or not.
They are quick to point out your flaws: Honesty is important in any relationship, and friendships
are no exception.
However, it’s when honesty becomes relentless criticism of everything you do that the relationship
becomes toxic.
You find yourself unable to talk to your friend because you are afraid that they will point
out everything you did wrong instead of offering you their support.
They Keep Score: In a toxic friendship, people hold grudges.
Your friend will keep score of the number of times you've disappointed them and throw
them all in your face when they do something to upset you.
Rather than accepting responsibility and apologizing, they'll say, "Yeah, well how about the time
you did this?" or "You've done that to me before."
In healthy relationships, you can be honest with each other about what offends or negatively
affects you.
You can address it before it turns into the game of tit for tat.
You can't use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness.
It doesn't work that way.
Everything is about them: A toxic friend will never really listen to you.
They will always be waiting for their turn to speak, or to turn the conversation back
to them.
In a novel conversation between people, you can say this thing happened to me too, which
is ok because that's where empathy happens, and you form a connection.
But then with a toxic person, everything revolves around them.
They'll twist it.
A good way to test for this is by bringing up random topics that have nothing to do with
either of you.
A toxic friend will have the uncanny ability to manipulate the conversation back around
to them again, whatever the topic, without skipping a beat.
They don’t care enough to keep in touch: Life is complicated.
It’s important to understand that sometimes people can’t always call or talk to you
but they are thinking of you.
However, relationships get toxic when the other person isn’t thinking of you and makes
no attempt to keep in contact.
You find yourself being the only one reaching out, while they seem uninterested in maintaining
the relationship.
This is toxic because to have a healthy life you should engage in mutually fulfilling relationships
with people who care about you as much as you care about them.
You no longer trust them: Friendships are built on trust.
After all, if you can’t rely on your BFF, what’s the point of having one?
If you don't trust that they have your best interests in mind, that's often a sign that
something's not working.
For example, a toxic friend might say "they’ll pick you up at the airport and then back out
at the last minute,".
Sometimes people have to break promises for a legit reason, and that’s totally fair.
But if you constantly feel let down by them, it's gonna be hard for you to have the level
of affection for them that could truly keep a good friendship going.
Apart from being untrustworthy, toxic friends are usually jealous people.
They may not show it but you can find out by recognizing certain signs.
To know what they are, watch this video titled “8 Signs Of Jealousy And Envy That You Should
Know”
Now back to signs of toxic friendship.
They Make You Feel Nervous: No one is entirely predictable, but it’s reasonable to expect
someone you trust to mostly express their emotions in safe, healthy ways.
Unpredictability alone doesn’t necessarily indicate someone is toxic, but when their
reactions could cause harm or feel abusive, it’s wise to proceed with caution.
Maybe they get extremely irritated and shout at you over tiny things, like forgetting to
turn off the TV or not returning a jacket they lent you.
Then, the next minute they act as if nothing happened.
If you never know how they’ll react, you might have a hard time feeling comfortable
around them.
They Try to change you: Someone who tries to change things about you may not be an ideal
friend.
A true friend understands that people have different personalities, and they’ll accept
you for yourself.
If you ask for guidance on something you’d like to change, they might provide support
and encouragement.
But they’ll probably wait for you to ask instead of telling you what you should do.
Say you struggle in social settings and want to get better at meeting new people.
A good friend might suggest you come to their next game night so they can introduce you
to a few other friends in a comfortable environment.
They always seem to be focusing on the negative side of things: Friends share the ups and
downs of their lives with each other.
However, friends who are toxic tend to always talk about how everything that is bad without
seeing any of the good.
They tend to ignore all the good which makes you ignore it as well bringing your mood and
motivation down.
It’s important to help them out with their problems but also make sure it doesn’t affect
you negatively.
By recognizing these signs, you will definitely be able to identify a toxic friend and take
the desired steps.
But what about toxicity in other relationships like with family and partner?
Yes there are signs there as well.
You can know more about these by:
Learning About When To Cut Toxic Family Members From Your Life
Or
Understanding the Signs Your Man Doesn’t Love You Anymore
These 2 videos will definitely help you better understand when a relationship has become
toxic.
Have you ever had a toxic friend?
How did you deal with it?
Let us know in the comments section below!