I don't feel like my kids' private school respects my level of celebrity.
I don't. I really don't.
I mean this. I swear to God, my plan… I'm gonna be very honest.
It's my fucking household. I'm not holding back.
They don't respect my level of celebrity.
I'm a very humble guy. [chuckles]
May not seem like it after that sentence, but I am. I'm a very humble guy.
What's understood doesn't need to be said. You know who I am. I know you know it.
Don't make me say who I am.
They put me in the position to have to say who I am.
I go drop my kids off at school, teachers come out, surround my car.
"Mr. Hart, we'd love to talk to you for a second."
"The big fair is coming up."
"We do this fair once a year at the school."
"We would love it
if you would be the greeter at this year's fair."
[crowd laughs]
I gave her a lot of time for her to say, "I'm bullshitting."
She never said it.
I said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No, it's our biggest fair."
"We would love it if you would be the greeter."
"We think you would make an amazing greeter at this year's fair."
Before I go on with this joke, I wanna make something clear.
First things first, I have nothing against greeters.
Okay? I don't wanna tell this joke and walk outside my house
and you're all there with signs talking about "Cancel Kevin Hart
'cause he don't respect greeters."
"Cancel Kevin Hart 'cause he don't respect the greeters."
Greeters are amazing people.
The job is actually required. I get it.
I've actually been hit with some amazing greetings in my time.
I went to Walmart, I got hit with a greeting so fantastic one time…
I don't even know where he came from. He just slid in my POV. [chuckles]
I walked in. He was like, "Welcome to Walmart."
"You here to get you some stuff?" I said, "What the fuck?"
"Where did you come from, man?" [chuckles]
"You better get some stuff. We rolling back prices."
Then he moonwalked. He just moonwalked out the way.
I said, "What the fuck just happened?" "What just happened here?"
I was so blown away by the greeting, not only did I go get me some stuff,
I broke my neck looking for this guy on the way out.
I wanted him to see my stuff. "Hey, come here, man!"
"Hey, come here. I wanna show you my stuff."
He came over, I opened my bag. He was like… "Ooh!"
He said, "Ooh! You got you some good stuff."
Took out his highlighter, swiped my receipt so people knew I didn't steal.
He said, "Make sure you come back and see me again."
I said, "You gonna be here?"
He said, "If I'm not, who will?" Moonwalks out the way again.
-I said, "What the fuck?" -[crowd laughs and applauds]
"It's one of the best greetings I've ever seen, man."
"Of course I'mma come back and see you again."
I'm not shitting on greeters. I'm just saying I didn't have to go that route.
I went around that to get to my success.
You don't come to me and ask me to be the fucking greeter.
I had a number-one movie in the box office at the time.
-I was on the side of fucking buses. -[crowd applauding]
You don't ask me to be the greeter.
[crowd laughing]
There are parents that got kids that go there
that are former actors and actresses that you could have asked.
Carlton from the Fresh Prince, Alfonso?
That's your greeter. This right here.
That's what you want in front. That's your greeter.
Terry Crews. He got kids that go there.
That's your greeter. Pec-popping at the front.
[mimicking Terry Crews] "Hey…"
"Hey… Welcome to the fair. Who want a ticket?"