In this video, we're going to be talking about five secrets your ex doesn't want you to know.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not. Because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. If you
agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing to the
channel down below, if you're new here or if you haven't already done.
Also, I wanted to let you know that we do have our course called Connect and Commit.
It does help you to turn some of these really tricky make-or-break situations with your
ex into opportunities for greater connection, greater bonding, and greater emotional closeness
between the two of you. If you want to learn more about that, you can find out more info
on it down below in the description box. Not going to hard sell you on it, so no worries
if it's not the right time for you or whatever. Let's go ahead and get into this video, which
again is about secrets your ex doesn't want you to know. What an obnoxious title, isn't
it? But anyway, let's go ahead and run with it and get into it.
Oftentimes with a breakup, it can be a little bit more complicated emotionally speaking
than we really understand, especially when we're in the thick of it ourselves, when we're
so caught up in maybe how we feel or what it seems like is happening. But there's often
a lot more depth to it emotionally than maybe we really realize. When it comes to your ex
and what they are experiencing throughout this whole breakup and throughout everything
that they're doing with you, interacting with you, and all of that, there are some secrets
that they might be holding onto through this whole experience. And that's what we're going
to be talking about here. The first one is that your ex probably feels
bad for hurting you. It's no shock to you, I'm sure, that if you are on the receiving
end of a breakup that you probably feel a great deal of rejection, a great deal of hurt,
a great deal of all sorts of things. But what you may not realize is that your ex probably
feels guilty for hurting you. Nobody wants to think of themselves as the kind of person
who goes out of their way to hurt someone else or make them cry, or take away their
dream of being in a relationship or something like that. And yet, if that is what your ex
did, they probably feel a sense of guilt about that. We'll go ahead and get into this a little
bit later, but your ex may start to do some things in order to manage that guilt. But
they probably do feel a sense of guilt regarding the fact that they hurt you, the fact that
they maybe made you cry, the fact that they took away some dream or hope of a relationship
or something like that. The second thing you may not realize is that
your ex probably still cares for you. Now, they might, again, try to hide this by making
it seem like, "Oh, yeah, my life is wonderful. That was the best choice I've ever made,"
or anything like that. But they probably still care about you. When you first come together
with someone and you start to bond your lives together, you go into a relationship with
the best of intentions and you, hopefully, most of the time, really let your armor down
and really let the other person see everything there is about you and you see everything
there is to know about them. And so there's often this great deal of closeness and bonding
and affection that develops between two people in a relationship. When that relationship
doesn't work out for one reason or another, you can't just choose like, "Okay, I'm just
going to flip a switch, and I'm not going to care about you anymore."
There's probably still a part of them that cares a lot about you emotionally and is still
curious to make sure if you're doing well, to see how you're handling everything after
the breakup, to see if your goals, your dreams, all those things that you were talking about
when you were together, if those are materializing or if you're making any progress towards them
or anything like that. They probably still do care about you. Maybe they aren't, again,
overtly vocalizing it, or maybe it's hidden underneath some armor to keep themselves protected,
but they probably still do care for you. The third secret your ex does not want you
to know is that they want to believe that they made the right choice in breaking up
with you. Now, again, as I said earlier, your ex might feel guilty for hurting you. They
might try to respond to this guilt by convincing themselves that they made the right choice.
One thing that they can do in order to really make themselves believe that they made the
right choices is distort or twist or manipulate, massage, take some liberties, let's just say,
with the truth in order to create a version of you that was worthy of breaking up with.
They might exaggerate certain qualities. They might read certain things into things
that happened that weren't there, because they want to try and manage this sense of
guilt that they feel. Oftentimes, if they can make themselves believe that they made
the right choice by breaking up with you, that you were this person that they couldn't
trust who was always lying to them, or could never be trusted or betrayed them in some
way or hurt them in some terrible way or something like that, then it can make them feel a little
bit less guilty about hurting you. They want to believe that they made the right choice
and so they might kind of exaggerate certain bad parts about the relationship or downplay
certain good parts about the relationship or about you in order to help convince them
that they made that choice. The fourth thing that you need to know about
your ex and how they're feeling about the breakup is that they have their doubts about
it. Especially if the breakup was fairly recently, they are definitely doubting it. There's probably
a part of them that was like, "Was that really the right thing to do? Should I have done
that? Maybe I should take it back. I don't know. I hope I made the right choice." There's
a part of them that's waffling back and forth as to whether or not this was the right thing
for them to do. That's why oftentimes people do experience that whole riding the dragon
dynamic. Again, it's one of those five stages your ex goes through emotionally. I'll go
ahead and put a video card link to the five stages up there. Check it out if you don't
know what I'm talking about, if you're new to my channel or something like that. It's
really helpful. A lot of people have found understanding those five stages to be really
insightful. But your ex is probably going to have some
doubts. Oftentimes, after a breakup, your ex is, oftentimes, at that riding the dragon
stage, and then it's what we do following that breakup that can either push them further
back into test drive or wall reactants, or even allow them to warm up towards crisis
point or new beginnings. But many times, immediately after the breakup, if they said like, "Hey,
let's break up." And then you were to just do nothing, they're probably going to be like,
boom, right there in the middle at riding a dragon. And then it's what you do or don't
do afterwards that can adjust that forward or backward.
But your ex is having their doubts, especially early on. Now, of course, they might also
have their doubts as time progresses as well too, if maybe you're single life isn't as
great as they thought it would be or if they're starting to realize that maybe they made poor
choices or poor evaluations about who you are, again, because maybe they distorted their
memory of you or the relationship in order to justify their own breakup. But they will
be having their doubts. The fifth secret that your ex does not want
you to know is that they sometimes think about getting back together with you again. We,
again, in twine our lives with other people emotionally when we get into a relationship.
You can't just flip a switch and turn it all off. You can't just walk away from that as
if nothing ever happened. Your ex, even though they may have broken up with you, even though
they may have thought it was the only thing they could do, even though they may have thought
it was the right thing to do, they still think about you. They still think about being together
with you. They still think about what it would be like if they had never broken up with you,
if the two of you had somehow overcome your differences. If the two of you had somehow
worked things out, had better communication or were more open and honest with one another,
or whatever it may have been that that led to the downfall of your relationship.
They think about that alternate reality, that parallel universe where maybe the two of you
worked things out and were able to get back together and what it would be like, what it
would be like now, whether your breakup was a week ago or a year ago, or several years
ago. They probably think about that from time to time. They wonder, the doubt sets in, the
part of them that still feels and cares for you sets in, the part of them that feels guilty
for hurting you sets in, and the part of them that wants to believe that they made the right
choice starts to waver a little bit. And so I can promise you that your ex does think
about you and they do sometimes wonder if the two of you should get back together.
Anyway, thank you so much for watching this video. Once again, my name is Clay. If you
do want to learn more about that Connect and Commit course, you can find info on that in
the description box down below. Otherwise, thank you so much for watching this video.
If you haven't already, please do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up or by subscribing
to this channel, if you haven't done so yet. You may want to check out this video series
over here about the five emotional stages that your ex goes through on the path towards
getting back together, or you might want to check out this video over here. But once again,
thank you so much. Take care, and I'll talk to you next time.