- Hey man, it's me, Kevin Smith.
[dramatic music]
Today, we are talking about each and every Jedi and Sith.
[dramatic music]
The "Star Wars" saga, movies and TV shows
encapsulate an abundance of epic American storytelling.
This is our mythology, kids.
We didn't come up with the Greek gods or the Roman gods.
I think the Greeks and the Romans came up with them.
But "Star Wars"?
George Lucas, an American.
This is ours.
We're not touching the extended universe cannon.
There's way too much of that.
So we're gonna start off with Qui-Gon Jinn.
Yeah, he only joined the franchise about two decades ago.
This franchise has been happening since, I think, 1642.
It's one of the oldest movie franchises in the world.
George Lucas went back and made the prequels, man.
So he introduced the ultimate Jedi, Qui-Gon Jinn,
who, from the moment we see them,
in "The Phantom Menace", him and a young Ben Kenobi,
oh, they're badass.
[lightsabers humming] [heroic music]
Jedis have turned into superheroes for heaven's sakes, man.
They take long jumps.
They run real fast.
They can block many shots with a lightsaber.
It's incredible.
The presentation that we get of a Jedi,
thanks to Liam Neeson's Qui-Gon Jinn.
[lightsabers clashing] [blow thuds]
[blade fizzes] [Qui-Gon gasps]
No damn good with a lightsaber though.
Got himself killed pretty easily.
I mean, he good with it, don't get me wrong,
but like, Darth Maul, much better.
[dramatic music] Next up Anakin Skywalker.
We'd heard the name of Anakin Skywalker,
you know, in "The Return of the Jedi".
- He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker
and became Darth Vader.
- And then in "Return of the Jedi"
we saw the face of Anakin Skywalker.
And in that trilogy, that was poetic, very poignant.
Then, when George Lucas went back and did the prequels,
he was like, "You know what the story is?
The story's about the little boy who becomes Darth Vader."
We watch him go from a hopeful little boy,
full of love for his mom,
to a Tuscan Raider killing psychopath.
You know, you look at that movie where he comes back
and he starts talking about like,
"I went out there and I killed them all."
[sinister music] - And not just the men.
- And you were like, "That's a little dark".
Well, hold my beer,
because later on, thanks to Order 66,
Anakin Skywalker is going to cut children down
with a lightsaber.
Something that I honestly thought they were gonna correct
in "Obi-Wan Kenobi".
I thought they were gonna reveal
that he didn't really kill those kids,
he just had them all come over to the Dark Side.
'Cause why would you have your main character
be that fucking evil?
He's a broken little kid,
but unlike Batman, who's also a broken little kid,
who's like, "I'm gonna do the right thing".
This son of a bitch,
holy shit, did nothing right,
until the very fucking end.
Now you can have a whole-ass conversation
about Anakin Skywalker
and not even touch the hem of the cape.
[siren wails]
[respirator rasps menacingly]
Next up the man himself, Darth Vader.
[lightsaber hums] [dramatic music]
Hands down the greatest cinematic bad guy in movie history.
- [Vader] Where are those transmissions you intercepted?
- The appearance alone is visually captivating.
And not just for a child, for adults as well.
But for a kid, like we didn't know if he was a robot or not.
Like there was no internet
so you couldn't be like "Is Darth Vader a robot
or a human being?"
Everyone always hopes there's a little piece
of Anakin Skywalker left inside Darth Vader.
And you know, his son is the one that,
God, I get so emotional talking about make pretend shit.
His son's the one that was able to kind of deliver him.
That's beautiful.
[heroic music] [lightsaber crackles]
Next up, Yoda!
The king of the Jedi!
Oh, we all love Yoda.
You know, "Star Wars" was a massive hit.
Empire comes out, they're like,
"We gotta show 'em something new."
And they gave 'em Yoda.
A Muppet for heaven's sakes, man.
Came right from Jim Henson's creature shop,
voiced by the great Frank Oz himself.
This character captures the imagination
'cause he don't look like us.
Every other character who's a Jedi,
you look at and you can compare yourself to.
This is a magical creature.
We don't even know what Yoda's race, species is,
We just know that boy, oh, boy,
he controls The Force like a big bad boy.
And he's so tiny, he's so,
he's trial sized, he's fun sized.
And still, he can be that tiny and have that much power.
[dramatic music] Next up, Count Dooku,
played by the great Christopher Lee.
One of the greatest lightsaber battles
in the history of all the "Star Wars" movies
never gets enough credit.
Everyone always goes for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan Kenobi
and Darth Maul for the Dual of the Fates and shit,
but Yoda, popping around the room
and beating the shit outta Count Dooku,
especially when he comes out and he's like-
- Count Dooku.
- Absolute bliss.
Next up, Darth Sidious. [sinister music]
- Look what you have made.
- Or the Emperor, as we've always known him.
Boy, this guy, he just sticks around, man.
He's like gum on a shoe.
Even when they kill him they throw him off the,
Darth Vader kills him in "Return of the Jedi".
[electricity fizzing] [Sidious screaming]
You know, he's responsible for all this.
Ultimately, Anakin Skywalker makes his own choices
but this guy is like the dark Jiminy Cricket
on his shoulder being like,
"You know, it's better
if we fucking have all the power."
Don't hide.
Don't be the Phantom Menace,
be the menace menace.
Be a menace to society, if you will.
[lightsaber hums]
Next up, we got Obi-Wan Kenobi [tense music]
and we get to split him into two,
there's old Ben Kenobi,
portrayed by the great Alec Guinness.
- I was once the Jedi Knight the same as your father.
- And then of course we have Ewan McGregor,
who played Obi-Wan Kenobi in the prequels
and now he's playing him in the fantastic
"Obi-Wan Kenobi" series on Disney+.
[heartening music] - Hello there.
- Give it up for Alec Guinness for heaven's sakes.
He's your Jedi grandpa.
Everybody knows him.
He's familiar, not much of a lightsaber fighter,
as we saw from that final battle with him and Darth Vader.
[lightsabers crackle and hum]
But young Ben Kenobi, young Obi-Wan?
Oh, just watch him fight.
[lightsabers humming]
[lightsabers clashing]
Look at him kill Darth Maul in the prequels.
[lightsaber fizzes] [Maul groans]
Look at him fight Anakin Skywalker again
in the "Obi-Wan Kenobi" series.
Next up, Mace Windu. [lasers fizzing]
Hands down the coolest Jedi on the planet,
got a purple lightsaber.
What more do you need to say about him for heaven's sakes.
This is Samuel L. Jackson.
They really should have just named the character
Samuel L. Jackson.
[heroic music] Next up, Luke Skywalker.
Oh, look, this is the only Skywalker
you should ever give a fuck about.
- [Ben Kenobi] Use The Force, Luke.
- Skywalker, the original hero.
This is the one that George Lucas carved
from the writings of Joseph Campbell, the mythic hero.
He's a nobody, he's a zero from a farm planet.
Fucking nobody knows this guy.
He got no specific powers and stuff.
He whines about power converters.
- But I was going into Tosche Station
to pick up some power converters.
- And somehow, the fate of the galaxy depends on him
by the end of this movie.
I know exactly what my favorite Luke Skywalker moment is,
and it belongs most recently to "The Mandalorian".
[lasers ricochet] [lightsaber hums]
[lightsaber fizzes] [dramatic music]
Luke Skywalker shows up,
and he does everything that you ever wanted him to do.
[laser ricochets] [Force rumbling]
He is the Jedi that you dreamed he would become
by the end of "Return of the Jedi".
Takes people out left and right,
just no problem whatsoever.
It is absolute bliss.
We were given the version of Luke Skywalker
that we always hoped that we would see.
Hats off to Dave Filoni and John Favreau
for finally bringing him to that place.
And boom, he gets there.
He is a Jedi master.
[lasers blasting] Next up Jar Jar Binks.
[Jar Jar chuckles goofily]
I know on the internet,
there's some people that maintain
that Jar Jar Binks is a Sith Lord.
I disagree.
[Jar Jar chuckles goofily] [laser blasts]
I think Jar Jar Binks though,
is a character that can easily be redeemed.
Now, mind you, he doesn't have to be redeemed for everybody.
All you gotta do is make this dude
a badass killer in a TV show.
Just give him "Meesa kills".
[menacing music] [lightsabers clashing]
- Next up, Ahsoka Tano,
[lightsabers crackling]
who is a character who came from the animated series.
As a character, I absolutely loved,
not just 'cause now she's being played by Rosario Dawson,
she was the Padawan, if you will, to Anakin Skywalker.
So just as Anakin Skywalker was a Padawan to Ben Kenobi.
Ben Kenobi was a Padawan to Qui-Gon.
Ahsoka was a Padawan to Anakin Skywalker.
And so she was tight with him
while he was still Anakin Skywalker,
and then of course, we know eventually
he becomes Darth Vader,
and so their friendship, their bond completely splits.
And there is an amazing episode of "Rebels"
where Ahsoka encounters Anakin as Darth Vader
for the first time.
She hasn't seen Anakin in years
and it is incredibly powerful,
it is emotional as hell,
'cause she's fighting like her best friend,
almost a father figure
- Anakin Skywalker was weak.
I destroyed him.
- Then I will avenge his death.
- At one point she gets the upper hand
and she fucking slices his fucking mask,
and you see Anakin.
They just kind of repeated it on "Obi-Wan Kenobi"
And you see Anakin underneath,
and he looks at her and he says-
[somber music] - Ahsoka.
- Anakin.
- And she melts.
And she's like, and then he comes back as Vader
and just goes back at it.
But Ahsoka was the one that took him as far as she could
to get to a Luke Skywalker moment,
where his son could redeem him.
I don't think you get that Luke Skywalker redemption
of Anakin Skywalker without Ahsoka Tano in the process
- [Snoke] There has been an awakening.
- Next up, Supreme Leader Snoke.
- [Snoke] Have you felt it?
- This character was a mystery for most of the sequels.
Some people were online were like, "That's Mace Windu.
You're gonna find out that's Mace Windu
after he got pitched out the window by the Emperor.
He got saved and they turned him into Emperor Snoke."
Not true.
[menacing dramatic music] - And fulfill your destiny.
- The great Andy Serkis portrayed him.
And Andy Serkis takes that motion capture stuff
very seriously.
[lightsaber humming] [tense music]
It was unexpected.
You know, 'cause you're like,
"Well that's the big bad,
and we're gonna deal with him for all three...
Holy shit!"
[tense music] [lightsaber humming]
But we found out he was cloned and shit like that.
Next up, Grogu.
Let me tell you,
every moment of Grogu in "The Mandalorian is absolute magic.
[eerie music] [Force rumbling]
- [Mandalorian] Good Job.
- There has been no false moves with that character.
There's been no moment where you're like,
"Grogu wouldn't do that."
[Grogu slurps] [pot lid clanks]
Pitch perfect character development,
something to be said for having a character
that doesn't speak.
Something I've always believed in.
[dramatic music] Next up, Darth Maul.
[lightsaber blade fizzes]
One of the single best looking characters
in a "Star Wars" movie,
and one of the single biggest losers in all of "Star Wars".
One movie, he gets,
where he's badass and he's probably the best
lightsaber fighter we've ever seen.
[lightsabers clashing] [dramatic music]
Ray Park who played Darth Maul
can do all sorts of flips and kicks.
You got this incredible display.
Look at the power of the Sith.
And then he just gets fucking cut in half like a sandwich
by the end of the movie, by Obi-Wan Kenobi.
When we saw those posters,
when "The Phantom Menace" was coming out,
we were like, "That's the new Darth Vader".
And by the end of the movie, we were like,
"Oh no, that's the new Wompa,
from 'Empire Strikes Back'.
He's in, he's out."
Next up, Reva the Third Sister.
[menacing music]
[lightsaber fizzes]
Wonderful origin story.
Wonderful story, great character arc.
A lot of people online, like, went after her
because people are like,
"I want "Star Wars" to be fucking white"
or whatever the fuck.
But I thought Moses did a phenomenal job.
More importantly,
the character herself, poignant and terrifying,
and to tie her origin in with Anakin Skywalker
literally killing her.
And she just happened to live through it.
Traumatizing, to say the least.
So I thought that character was a welcome addition
to the "Star Wars" lore.
[gentle music]
[lightsaber fizzes]
Next up Rey,
or Rey Skywalker as we found out at the end of
the last JJ movie, she took that name.
She's like, "I'm gonna keep that name going."
[dramatic music] [remote crunches]
[lightsaber humming] Great character.
Some people online were like,
"How does she know how to do all this fucking Force shit?
She just found out."
Bro, rewind, watch "Star Wars"
How's he know how to do that fucking Force shit?
- [Ben Kenobi] Use the Force, Luke.
- Guy took down the Empire,
like almost single handedly.
And he didn't know nothing.
Just like Luke, she too doesn't know who her parents are.
Her story, she don't have an Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru
to raise her and stuff.
She traded and sold and shit like that.
Pretty heartbreaking.
[menacing music] Next up, Kylo Ren.
[lightsaber fizzes]
Takes the "I'm not understood as a teenager" trope
to like, the highest degree.
To a murderous degree.
Adam Driver's an amazing actor
so I'll watch him do anything.
He's the son of Leia and Han.
And you know, I shipped that relationship
hard in the eighties.
So I was happy to see, oh, the results of that relationship.
In the books, they had kids as well,
but in the movies, they got this one kid.
And then that son of a bitch
went and fucking killed Han Solo.
He killed one of my favorite people.
Like, look, you got issues.
Everybody got issues with their parents, right?
We all got complaints.
Some more than others and stuff.
From what I understand,
Han Solo didn't do anything to this kid.
Certainly didn't do anything to deserve to be killed by him,
and shit, so.
Kylo Ren, you go fuck yourself.
You robbed me of my childhood.
[thrilling dramatic music]
There it is, my friends.
That's the Jedis and the Sith we're getting to today.
Now mind you, there are many, many more
that we didn't get to,
and I could hear all of you
out there on the internet right now,
going, "You call yourself an expert?
What about blank, blank, blank?"
[thrilling dramatic music continues]
Yes, it's a mainstream piece
for people who aren't as familiar with "Star Wars" as you.
[thrilling dramatic music continues]
Tell me in the comments, how badly I did.
I've been on the internet for 30 years
so I'm used to that sort of thing.
[dramatic music ends]