- [Matt] If you've ever tried
to build a new habit,
chances are you've failed a lot.
And you probably convinced yourself
that it's because you're too lazy,
undisciplined, or unmotivated.
- [Michael Scott] I can't do anything about it, I can't, you know.
- But the truth is, it's not you.
We're all terrible at change.
But when you understand the mechanics
behind why you keep failing,
you can find the solutions to finally break the cycle.
This video is sponsored by Squarespace,
but more on them in a minute.
To get to the bottom of why your habits never stick,
I sat down with Katy Milkman.
She's a behavioral change expert,
professor at the University of Pennsylvania,
and the author of "How to Change."
Why is it so difficult to make changes in our lives,
if it's so important?
You would think that we would be wired
to actually make change more effectively.
But it seems to be the most difficult
and most frustrating thing for people to do.
- [Katy] The environment in which we evolve
rewarded really different behaviors
than the one we're in now, right?
The long-term consequences of our decisions
are very significant, right?
If you smoke, if you eat the wrong foods,
if you don't save enough for retirement,
it's really quite downstream
that you're gonna face the consequences,
and that kind of downstream consequence
probably wasn't even something
that our ancestors had to look forward to. (chuckling)
Most of their life expectancies
were so vastly shorter than what we're seeing today.
- [Matt] Thinking about the long tail effects of our actions
is actually a rather modern predicament.
Our prehistoric ancestors
didn't worry much about the future.
Back then, our priorities were pretty much restricted
to finding a mate, looking for food,
and trying not to get eaten.
Our brains are wired to prioritize immediate rewards,
not to delay gratification
in the pursuit of long-term goals.
And in a world where we're constantly surrounded
by bright, shiny temptations,
trying to fight against that biology
can feel like an uphill battle.
- Now, you know how I feel
sitting next to those M&Ms all day.
- Well, why don't you just move the M&Ms?
- Well, why don't you shut up?
- So does that mean
that we should just throw our hands up and accept the fact
that our caveman brains will never allow us to change?
Not so fast.
According to Katy, instead of fighting against this urge
to prefer instant gratification,
what Katy calls our present bias,
we can actually use it to our advantage.
- If we are always going to reach
for the instantly gratifying option
whether that's the TV remote, the ice cream,
or the pizza, whatever the thing is,
instead of saying like, "I'm gonna work against it,"
how can we lean into it
and use that wiring to our advantage?
So when we pursue our goals in ways that are fun
rather than ways that feel more efficient,
we actually persist longer,
and we're more likely to succeed.
- [Matt] Katy first discovered this principal
back when she was a graduate student at Harvard.
Since the new Harry Potter audio books had just come out,
she made a promise to herself
to only listen to them while on the treadmill.
- And if you do that,
all of a sudden, what you may find is what I found
when I started doing this as a graduate student
struggling to motivate myself to exercise.
I looked forward to my workouts at the end of a long day,
I craved going to the gym cause I couldn't wait
to find out what would happen to my favorite characters.
And I started doing research showing,
"Hey, actually, it's not just me."
We've proven in random assignment experiments
that teaching people how to temptation bundle
so that they link something they really look forward to
with exercise.
It gets people coming back to the gym more and more
and looking forward to it.
- And this strategy doesn't just work for exercise.
If you get really intentional
with the behaviors you wanna stick
and how to follow through with them,
you can find some really powerful ways
to make your habits more rewarding in the present moment.
You can tell yourself, (whimsical music)
"I will only listen to my favorite podcast
"while doing household chores.
"I will only drink my favorite pour-over coffee
"while I'm working.
"I will only reward myself with my favorite pastry
"for putting in a Sunday study session."
As counterintuitive as it sounds, when you stop focusing
on the long term benefits that you're seeking
and start focusing on making the habit
immediately enjoyable,
you'll find that behavior change
starts to get a little more effortless.
One of the challenges we face today
(guitar music)
is the onslaught of misinformation and half truths
that are spread online.
Part of Katy's work is to investigate our assumptions
about behavior change and put them to the test.
One of her most surprising findings
has to do with consistency.
So, consistency is one of those things
that's obviously really important
whenever we're trying to tackle any big goal.
What kind of consistency should we really be looking for?
- Yeah, I love that question,
and it gives me an opportunity to talk about
one of my favorite research studies I've ever done
and one of the most surprising things I have ever found.
I teamed up with John Basheer as a professor
at Harvard Business School and Google to do a project
where we were going to randomly assign 2,500 Googlers,
that's what they call their employees,
to different experimental conditions,
to try to help them build a lasting exercise habit.
- [Matt] They asked the employees
for their preferred time of day to exercise
and split them into two experimental groups.
The first group was rewarded with small monetary payments
if they attended the gym
within a two-hour window of their nominated time.
The second group was also given rewards,
but they were encouraged to be more flexible
about the times that they went to the gym.
- And we compare these two groups,
and we see who builds the more lasting habit.
And interestingly, it's actually the group
with more variability in their visits,
not the consistent group.
So this is surprising, right? (chuckling)
You'd think like,
"Okay, but it seems like consistency is good,
"that breeds habit, what's going on?"
When we dig into the data, (whimsical music)
what we see is that the people
who built real consistency in their routines
ended up being really rigid.
So if they miss their ideal workouts,
they don't come at all.
They become sort of 9:00 AM gym rats, or bust.
And the people who train in a more variable way
end up being more flexible.
But if they miss their 9:00 AM, they still come.
And so, as a result, in total, they go to the gym more,
they have a backup plan.
So it turns out, consistency breeds rigidity,
is what we really found in this study.
- This finding just flies in the face
of our basic assumptions about consistency and routine.
We think that if we wanna build a habit,
we need to show up every single day.
But our lives are way messier than that.
(slow-paced upbeat music)
The only thing that we can expect from our days
is that they will rarely go according to plan.
We might wake up feeling exhausted
after taking care of the kids all night.
We might get a flat tire on our way to work.
We might have our day get derailed
by the world's longest meeting.
Yes, no, I'm here, I'm listening.
Of course, yeah, come on, guys. (chuckling)
You think I would fall asleep in the middle of phone call?
That's not me, you know that, Jim.
So how can you harness this insight
to stick your habits long enough
for them to become automatic?
Katy suggests that we need to aim for frequent and flexible.
- It's good to have a first best time,
but also, you need to practice coming at a second best time
and trying at a third best time.
So if you wanna meditate or you want to exercise
or you wanna practice a new language,
not only do you wanna try to build a routine
around, "When do I usually do this," and try to stick to it,
but you want some variability in the timing of it
in order to build a flexible habit.
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Behavior change is really freaking hard.
Even with the best intentions,
you have a very high chance of falling on your face.
So most of us just cross our fingers and hope for the best.
We jumped into our new year's resolutions
or habit-change journey,
equipped with nothing more than a desire to change
and our favorite inspirational quotes.
But according to Katy, that could be a big problem.
- I think the number one mistake,
and this one drives me crazy,
it's sort of like the centerpiece
of the book that I wrote in the end,
is not thinking carefully
about what the obstacles are going to be
in this context to success.
We often think, (upbeat music)
"Okay, I know it's gonna be hard to change this behavior."
You know, "I know that I'm not saving sufficiently,"
or "I know I'm not exercising enough,"
whatever it is, you know that you have challenges.
And so, you can't just sort of wing it
and say, "I'm gonna do it."
But people don't think deeply about,
"What's the right strategy for me?"
- [Matt] While it's admirable
to take those first gutsy steps towards change,
if you wanna actually succeed,
it's important to rethink your typical approach.
Instead of trying to wing it, you should come up with a plan
for how to get to the finish line.
And that really starts with identifying the unique obstacles
that are most likely to get in your way.
- And if the barriers you anticipate to success are,
"I hate doing it, it's miserable,
"and that's why I keep putting it off,"
that's gonna require a whole different set of tools
than if it's, "God, I always forget, it's so frustrating,
"I like doing it,
"but I just can't prioritize and get it top of mind
"at the moment when I need to take action,"
totally different barriers to change.
And so, what are the most common barriers?
And then you wanna tailor the solutions you try to use,
and it can be a combination to what is facing you.
And so, most people don't take the time to do that diagnosis
and look for the right suite of tools to use for them.
- So if you're at a point in your life
where you're looking to make a change,
you might begin by asking yourself a few questions.
"What's gotten in my way before?"
"Why do I think I've failed to build or break habits?"
And third, "What can I do differently this time around?"
And just remember, it's not a 'you' problem.
All of us struggle with change.
And as cliche as it sounds,
the key difference between the people
who succeed in the long run and those who fail
is their ability to shake off the losses and begin again.
So if people wanna learn more about your work,
(upbeat music)
where should we send them?
- I think the best place is my website,
which is just katymilkman.com.
- Well, thank you so much for doing this.
I really appreciate it.
- Thanks a lot for having me, this was really fun.
- Before you go, make sure you head down to the comments
to let me know what you're working on
and maybe how you plan
to attack it differently this time around.
Thanks so much for watching, and I'll catch you next time.