OVER THE LAST WEEK, WE'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT TRUMP'S FORMER
NOMINEE TO HEAD THE V.A., DR. RONNY JACKSON.
AFTER ALLEGATIONS THAT DR. JOHNSON OR JACKSON-- IS IT
JOHNSON OR JACKSON?
JACKSON?
HE'S LAEG SOON.
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW I PRONOUNCE HIS NAME.
DR. JACKSON-- IT'S SHORT FOR JOHNSON-- WAS PASSING OUT BILLS
AT THE WHITE HOUSE, HE WITHDREW FROM THE NOMINATION, AND HE
WON'T RETURN TO HIS OLD JOB AS TRUMP'S PHYSICIAN.
HE WANTS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY, LYING ABOUT HOW MUCH
THEY WEIGH.
BUT THERE'S AN OBVIOUS CANDIDATE READY TO STEP IN.
TRUMP'S LONG-TIME PERSONAL PHYSICIAN-- HELLO!
AND STOLEN STEREO EQUIPMENT DEALER, HAROLD BORNSTEIN.
BORNSTEIN-- BORNSTEIN!
BECAME FAMOUS AFTER HE WROTE A ONE-PAGE LETTER VOUCHING FOR
TRUMP'S FITNESS THAT STATED, "IF ELECTED, MR. TRUMP, I CAN STATE
UNEQUIVOCALLY, WILL BE THE HEALTHIEST INDIVIDUAL EVER
ELECTED TO THE PRESIDENCY."
I DON'T THINK DONALD TRUMP IS EVEN THE HEALTHIEST INDIVIDUAL
NAMED DONALD TRUMP!
( LAUGHTER ) AFTER THAT, BORNSTEIN TOLD "THE
NEW YORK TIMES" THAT TRUMP TAKES PROPECIA, A DRUG OFTEN
PRESCRIBED TO STIMULATE HAIR GROWTH IN MEN.
NOW, TAKING HAIR-GROWTH DRUGS IS NOT SOMETHING TRUMP SHOULD BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
HE SHOULD BE ANGRY THAT THEY DO NOT WORK.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, WE ALL-- WE ALL HAD FUN WITH THE STORY,
AND WE ASSUMED THAT TRUMP DID, TOO, UNTIL TODAY, WHEN BORNSTEIN
ANNOUNCED THAT TWO DAYS AFTER HE TALKED ABOUT THE PROPECIA,
TRUMP'S BODYGUARD AND LAWYER RAIDED HIS OFFICE AND TOOK THE
PRESIDENT'S MEDICAL FILES.
WAIT-- THEY MUSCLED THEIR WAY INTO TRUMP'S DOCTOR'S OFFICE TO
STEAL EVIDENCE THAT DONALD TRUMP IS GOING BALD?
THEY KNOW WE CAN SEE, RIGHT?
( LAUGHTER ) ARE THEY ALSO GOING TO TAKE AWAY
WIND?
( LAUGHTER ) BORNSTEIN-- BORNSTEIN SAID THE
GOONS TOOK EVERYTHING, INCLUDING THE ORIGINAL AND ONLY COPY OF
TRUMP'S CHARTS, INCLUDING LAB REPORTS UNDER TRUMP'S NAME, AS
WELL AS UNDER THE PSEUDONYMS HIS OFFICE USED FOR TRUMP.
YES THEY GOT THE FILES UNDER ALL PSEUDONYMS:
JOHN BARRON.
DAVID DENNISON.
HORNY DANIELS.
AND BORNSTEIN TOLD REPORTERS HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY TRUMP
DID IT.
>> THEY MUST HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 25 OR 30 MINUTES.
IT CREATED A LOT OF CHAOS.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE ANYBODY WAS MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT A DRUG
THAT'S TO GROW-- TO GROW HIS HAIR, WHICH SEEMED TO BE SO
IMPORTANT.
AND IT CERTAINLY IS NOT A BREACH OF MEDICAL TRUST TO TELL
SOMEBODY THEY TAKE PROPECIA TO GROW THEIR HAIR.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THAT?
>> Stephen: "YEAH, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT REVEALING
SOMEBODY'S PERSONAL MEDICAL DATA?
YOU WOULD THINK HE'D BE MUCH MORE CHILL, WHAT WITH ALL THE
XANAX HE'S BEEN POPPING."
BUT PERHAPS THE SADDEST DETAIL OF THIS STORY IS WHEN TRUMP'S
THUGS SAW THIS PHOTO OF BORNSTEIN AND TRUMP IN THE
WAITING ROOM, AND THEY ASKED HIM TO TAKE IT OFF THE WALL.
DAMN-- WHEN TRUMP BREAKS UP WITH A FRIEND, HE GOES FULL MIDDLE
SCHOOL GIRL!
"I'M TAKING BACK THAT PICTURE OF US AT SIX FLAGS.
I DON'T WANT BRITNEY SEEING IT AND THINKING I'M A LOSER LIKE
YOU, OKAY.
WE CALL YOU PIZZA FACE."
AT HER PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY, SARAH HUCK-A-SANDERS INSISTED
THIS WASN'T A BIG DEAL.
BUT "BORNSTEIN SAID HE WAS NOT GIVEN A FORM AUTHORIZING THE
RELEASE OF THE RECORDS AND SIGNED BY THE PRESIDENT, WHICH
IS A VIOLATION OF PATIENT PRIVACY LAW."
TELLING ANOTHER REPORTER: "SWEETHEART, THIS IS WATERGATE.
GOODBYE!" WATERGATE?
FORGET PROPECIA.
WHEN HE SAYS, THAT I FEEL LIKE
BORNSTEIN JUST PRESCRIBED ME VIAGRA.