Hey, I'm Nick Kroll.
I'm Aidy Bryant.
I'm Randall Park.
I'm Brandon Kyle Goodman.
I'm in the new show, Human Resources,
so I know a thing or two about good and bad workplaces.
Today I'm gonna talk about some of my worst jobs.
Get in there. Everyone else is doing their job,
you need to do yours.
Yeah, but I don't know how to do my job.
My first job was babysitting.
It was a good, solid gig,
getting loose cash.
Camp counselor at my old daycare center.
I was eight or nine,
and they let me be like a teacher's assistant
to like, the toddlers.
The best thing about that job was
this little bell that I could ring
to get everyone to shut up.
I love that kind of power.
I think my first job was working in the candy department
in the basement of Bloomingdale's.
It was a great job because I worked in a candy department.
Working at a department store
called Bullock's.
I was a fluff and folder.
The worst part of that job
was telling people that I'm a fluff and folder.
The worst thing about that job was
there were toddlers,
so periodically they would still shit themselves.
It smelled,
and my gag reflex is pretty good,
but not for that.
Okay.
Spent a summer doing sprinkler installation,
going to houses and helping dig ditches.
It was a very long, full day
of actually doing real, actual manual labor.
You know, growing some callouses on my hands.
This was after, you know, the Big Mouth years,
if you know what I mean- growing callouses...
Masturbation. I was masturbating so much that I would get
callouses all over my hands.
I was a security guard
at the Hammer Museum,
in Los Angeles,
which is basically an art museum.
It was really bad because my job was basically to stand.
But that's it.
Really it was just to stand there
and to have a little anxiety
about, “What if someone did steal a painting?”
I was once hired to work on a cruise ship doing comedy
and I had to live on the cruise ship for four months.
Even though it sounds kind of glamorous to be at sea,
it was mostly just like sunburned men
who had been drinking since 8:00 AM.
When I went to school,
there was a job where current students
would call alumni to ask them for money.
Everyone we're calling had student loan debts
and I was calling to ask for more money
for the school that they were already paying
student loans to.
A trash job.
I worked at Starbucks for a few years
and I really enjoyed it.
There was something very therapeutic
about pulling those shots.
At the time I was working at Starbucks,
I was actually on a TV show.
A show called Wild 'N Out with Nick Cannon on MTV.
Shoutout Nick Cannon.
But because I was on this show,
some people would recognize me,
"You're on TV, shouldn't you be a millionaire?"
And the fact was, I was not a millionaire,
and it was always a kind of an awkward conversation
when people would recognize me from that show.
I think I'd be a really nice teacher.
If I were gonna quit acting,
I would become an electrician,
and at least where I live in LA,
there is a need for more electricians.
I just love electricity.
Either a therapist or a stripper.
I believe that both of those gigs are incredibly important.
I think I got into comedy
because I don't think I could do anything else.
If I had to do something else,
I think I would go back to the candy department
at Bloomingdale's.
Well, that's it.
Those are my best and worst jobs.
And now it's your job to go watch Human Resources,
only on Netflix.
It's not your job.
It should be a place for pleasure for you.
Actually, an escape from your job.
So that's why I said it,
because this is my job,
even though it doesn't feel like a job.