I'm so glad you're here, because I was behind you.
I drove in the other day, and I was behind you.
And you have a very fancy car.
And I was like, I wonder who that is.
And then the hand comes out.
And a tour cart was passing.
And I see everybody freak out and everything.
And so I still didn't know who it was.
Yeah.
And then that same fancy car is coming towards me yesterday
and, again, waving to a tour car that happened to be there.
And then I'm just in my Porsche.
And I'm going--
[LAUGHTER]
It's not as fancy as his car, I'm telling you.
And then you just wave to the Porsche.
And I was like, you just wave to anybody.
Like, you didn't know.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
And you didn't know it was me.
No.
You didn't, right?
I thought it was someone famous, but I didn't know it was you.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Because I saw you wave.
And I waved.
And then I think then you realized.
Just like a few seconds later, I realized who it was.
That it was me.
And then it was too late.
Yeah.
Because I didn't know what to do.
Right.
I panicked.
Yeah.
And then I just drove off.
Right.
[LAUGHTER]
But I had a feeling you were just waving--
do you just wave at everybody?
It's like you're the mayor on this lot.
That's very sweet of you to say.
No, I'm not a mayor.
I like waving at the tour carts.
Yeah.
Because all those people have come from so far away.
And they want to see some of the actors.
Yeah.
And so I wave at them.
And I like to be friendly and, you know.
And then sometimes they freak out.
And sometimes they don't recognize
me, which is even strange.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
But, you know, a funny thing that happens
is-- so these tour carts are all around the studio, as you know.
So sometimes I'll step out to eat a sandwich or something.
And right around the corner, a tour cart will creep--
it's like a safari.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, they're creeping in.
And they'll see-- they're like, oh, shh.
You can hear the tour guides, shh-shh.
That's Kunal Nayyar in his natural element--
Yeah.
--like, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Right.
Don't spook him.
No sudden movements, you know?
Right, no sudden movements.
[LAUGHTER]
Don't spook the actor.
Yeah.
So you're just a naturally friendly--
you're going to have one?
I don't even know if it's real.
[MUMBLING]
[LAUGHTER]
It may not be real.
[LAUGHTER]
That may have been a mistake.
That was delicious.
It's sort of like--
I love the commitment to it.
It's like that plastic fruit bowl.
That's just-- that's not real.
[LAUGHTER]
And yet you're going to eat it.
I don't want to be rude.
Well, OK, you'll be sick--
[LAUGHTER]
--from not being rude.
It's disgusting, right?
It's not real.
It's my commitment to eating it.
I know.
It's fascinating myself.
I know.
Hey, it's an Indian holiday today, right?
Mhm.
What is it?
It's actually the new year, the Hindu new year.
It's the festival of light.
Is called Diwali.
Diwali.
And so today is Diwali.
So I FaceTimed with my whole family in India.
My wife is in India too.
They're all having a great big party at home.
Why are you not there?
Because I have to go back to work--
I see.
--in 10 minutes.
[LAUGHTER]
And first of all, happy Diwali.
Do you say happy, or--
Happy Diwali-- you say happy Diwali.
And do you do this?
Yeah, I mean, you could say happy Diwali.
I want to do it the right way.
Yeah, you can do that.
But it doesn't actually make sense to do that.
It's just happy Diwali.
[LAUGHTER]
Happy Diwali.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
All right.
You could do that though.
I mean, it's fine.
It's all cool.
I like to do it to anything.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, exactly.
[LAUGHTER]
So that's what they're doing right now.
So is it just one day of celebration?
It is.
Well, yesterday was Choti Diwali,
which means small Diwali.
And today is actual Diwali.
So yeah, so people partying a week before.
You have a small Diwali and then an actual Diwali?
Yeah.
And then is there something the day after?
No.
OK.
And do people drink and eat a certain thing?
No, just alcohol and food.
OK, all right.
We should have a small holiday before the big one.
Why don't we have a small and then a big?
I just-- I can't--
I don't know.
Yeah.
Like a small Thanksgiving and then an actual Thanksgiving?
Yeah, because then you would realize,
oh, I shouldn't eat that much.
At least it would warn you like, oh, I remember
this with the small one.
The small food was enough.
[LAUGHTER]
I don't need--
Or you could even break it into two, like half Thanksgiving
and half Thanksgiving.
Don't change my rules.
It's my idea.
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
It's all my idea.
Whoops.
Most nonsensical conversation in the history
of "The Ellen Show."
I like it.
It's my favorite.
You have an adorable dog, and you posted a photo of it.
And it was posed next to my mug.
Yeah, Boba Fett.
And it looks like he's-- what's the dog's name?
Boba Fett--
Boba.
--which is my favorite Star Wars character.
OK.
He looks like he was punished for something.
Look at his--
No, no.
He's begging for-- we eat biscuits.
We have tea and biscuits every morning.
And he also enjoys tea and biscuits-- not the tea part,
but the biscuits part.
Uh-huh.
And this is him sort of giving the I-want-a-biscuit face,
because my life is so difficult.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes.
And we don't know what his voice sounds like,
but we think he's a very proper British man.
He's like, oh, can I have some biscuits, you know?
[LAUGHTER]
That's what we think he sounds like.
So that's him saying, you know, can I
have some biscuits please?
[LAUGHTER]
Would you just give me one bit of biscuit?
I don't know why it's so high-pitched, but it's funny.
Yeah, I know.
That would be funny if that really was
his voice for that kind of dog.
Yeah.
This is him saying, oh, I'm so sleepy.
[LAUGHTER]