Mark: How do you get your ex to believe again that the two of you were right for one
another? How do you communicate to a guy that you're a high value woman when the dude won't
even let you get a wording? I talk about not having an agenda a lot on this channel, but
how is that possible when the simple fact that you're on a dating advice channel means
you have an agenda to improve with man and get the guy? What do you do when the bloke
doesn't talk to you for four days? And finally, what am I struggling to breathe?
Mark: Welcome to Ask Mark, it's week number 54, and I have the beautiful Jermia
here with me and we are in Los Angeles this beautiful city. Thank you for having us in
your country.
Jermia: Yes, we are loving being here.
Mark: We really appreciate it. It's been a beautiful week, a little rainy today,
we've done some cool stuff.
Jermia: Yes, it has not stopped us at all.
Mark: We're going to get into some Ask Mark right now. And the first question
is from Della Jermia, you wanna read this one? Sure. So the question is how do I get
him to re believe?
Mark: Yes, and it needs some context. We just released a video on does your ex still
think about you? That's a question I get constantly and I'm always surprised by it because the
answer is in almost every case. Yes he does, but it's not the important question. The question
as I've spoken about in that video is what has he done about it? And one of the major
reasons he may have done nothing about it is because he no longer believes the two of
you are compatible. He no longer believes the relationship can work. I've been in this
situation, I'm showing you missed an ex at some point and be in this situation. So the
question from Della is how do you get him to re believe as in if the guy has gone away
and doesn't believe the two of you are compatible, how do you get into re believe that. Jermia,
you want to do the hard part here?
Jermia: I guess what we have to do is straight away go straight into it and say why do you
want him that bad? Like why do you want him to reignite the spark? Cause I feel as hard
as it is to acknowledge ad accept that you are exes for a reason.
Mark: The tricky, you have to look at where you're coming from with your intent, I talk
about this a lot. I don't think I would just stop talking about this when your going, I
have to convince this guy again who I've been with, who's seen me, who's experienced me
and has lost the belief that we're compatible when you're coming from a place of I have
to convince him again, you're not coming from that powerful high value place you're coming
from. He's up here, I'm down here, I've got a win him back instead of remembering that
Jermia: You're a prize too!
Mark: You're a prize too! He, he's not thinking the same way and if he was, he
would have acted on it.
Jermia: So why would you want that person back who's not valuing you in the same way
that you deserve to be valued in yourself.
Mark: It's so hard to let this go and it's so hard when you really believe that this
thing was destiny and that this person was meant for you. But if you have to convince
a guy from this distance when he's already experienced you, if you have to convince him
again that you guys were, were right when he's lost the belief, that's not the guy you
want to be convincing.
Jermia: It's not.
Mark: There's guys guys out there you wouldn't have to convince.
Jermia: Yeah, because they will see you for the amazing gift and the wonderful special
and incredible person that you are the beautiful soul. The fact that you walked down the street
with a smile on your face, whatever it is that makes you so unique and special, they
will see that and they will love that and they will appreciate that and they will work
for you, not the other way around. You don't have to convince someone to love you.
Mark: I don't think I could have said any better.
Jermia: I got passionate about it for a second.
Mark: Nothing to add there. Brilliant advice. Second question is from Resham, and Resham
says a Hi Mark. Thank you for all your videos. Love them. Thank you so much, Resham. Appreciate
that. I have a question, at the moment on talking to this guy. We've been talking for
about a month and I feel like we have a really good connection. We're going on our second
date next week. We talk on the phone regularly. He seems really sweet and he seems to have
great values and he's hilarious. However during our conversations. I sometimes feel like he
overtakes it too much and I don't get to express myself as I would like. I always feel like
he sometimes talks too much because he wants everything between us to work and it's almost
like he fears that I will lose interest if he stops keeping the conversation going. This
stops me from expressing my needs and standards, I want to be able to express to him what my
standards and values are for a relationship, and how I am in a relationship. What should
I do? Help. I like this guy and I feel like I show interest and I feel like he's showing
interest back in me. Love from Denmark. [inaudible]
Jermia: Love back to Denmark. Well, this one, it's great because a lot of the way that you
kind of present yourself, the way that you are, a high value woman will be said without
words. So you can present yourself in a way that you will show your standards without
having to actually say, do you know what? This is what I expect. This is how I like
to behave. Whatever it is, you will act that and that will be who you are.
Mark: The lion doesn't walk around telling everyone it's a lion.
Jermia: Yep. I'm the lion. I'm the lion.
Mark: And it's the same with your actions. So it's going to come through on your actions.
These standards are going to come through. They're going to come through in the white,
you qualify him. It's rarely something you have to explicitly say.
Jermia: But that said, if you want to get a word in because that's not really what you
want, you don't, you need him to like kind of settle down. It's okay. You can really
super easily just say, Hey, I'm going to talk now. I, um, I was speaking to a friend of
mine just the other day and he kind of started rattling on and you know how you get into
those conversations when they start flowing in, one person will just get into a rhythm
and keep speaking constantly. You kind of like, Whoa, I want to go back to this other
thing. So I will literally just interject and say, Oh wait, wait, I'm going to tell
you about my day and I'll speak about my day.
Mark: You, you can literally, you can say stuff I want to talk now.
Jermia: Yeah, super easy. Like stop. That's okay. It's my turn. As long as you say it
playfully and kind of casually like it's all good, he won't be offended. He won't be like,
Oh sorry. Like he will then hopefully be able to relax, sit back and be like cool. Now I
can appreciate that you, you are invested, you are like kind of wanting to speak to me.
It's not my job to hold the conversation.
Mark: Yup. Right. So I was two part question there. The first part, essentially you'll
show him with your actions. The second part is you can interject and that's okay. I want
to say something.
Jermia: So going back to the thing I wanted to say before.
Mark: Done, that question. Uh, this is a really interesting one. This is from clock and clock
says is the Tony's phone the world, how's a woman's supposed to not have an agenda but
going on lawn to watch this video and performing these actions? This was from the what to say
to me and go chase you video is an agenda because you're trying to get the guy and want
to want him to be with you ultimately. Fantastic question. You going along and you're living
with daddy floss and then I'm saying, Hey, don't have an agenda. Don't have an agenda.
Enjoy the moment. He is the answer. If you want to make a man do something, if you want
to manipulate him into doing something, if you want to find a way to engineer a situation,
just so you get a specific outcome, I'm probably not the channel for that. There's channels.
You probably know what they are. I need to say them that will serve you for that. Here's
what this channel is really about. It's about improving your relationships and your interactions
with men moment to moment. It's about being present with men. It's about creating great
vibes from you to them and from them back to you. And I guarantee if that happens enough
that eventually you'll be in a relationship with a great man, but it's not ultimately
about the end goal. It's about creating these amazing experiences in the short term that
if you want that end goal, that can eventually happen naturally. So think of it this way.
Make your agenda to enjoy the next moment, the next second with that man, and to have
a great interaction, to enjoy yourself, to have him enjoy his time around you. I want
to enjoy myself with a woman. I also want her to enjoy her time with me. That's my agenda
is for us both to have a great time together. Hopefully for the man you meet, that's their
agenda too. And you're both enjoying your time together.
Speaker 1: You by treating each other with respect. Make that in your agenda in the moment.
You're both seeing each other and being present. Make that your agenda in the moment. And with
that and the tools you can learn on this challenge, you can then take all the outcome stuff away
because that stuff will happen naturally as part of creating these amazing moments with
men, around men, for men. I guarantee that if you make your agenda to have great moment
to moment interactions with men, then you will get whatever result that might come off
in the future - relationship, marriage, great sex, great communication, whatever it is,
that will happen, but it's not about jumping forward to the future and having to manipulate
men to get that. It's just about making it happen right now each and every day and having
those moments. Next question is from Barihan.
Jermia: Yes, I do. It says, is it okay for a man to still like you and not speak to you
for four days? That is four count on one, two, three, four days. Short answer. No, no,
it's not. That was a little longer answer. I'll give you an even longer one. No, it's
absolutely not. No. There is of course I'm like super extenuating circumstances, you
know, family things could come up, whatever it is. Like they are very, very select few
things that are absolutely like kind of disasters that will happen that yeah, if there's a guy
that you're kind of casually seeing, um, he may have completely different priorities for
that period of time and that is okay. But I'd say that they are like, like one out of
a hundred type kind of scenarios. Most of the time, day to day, if you want to talk
to someone, you're going to talk to them.
Mark: Yeah. And if those scenarios happen in ninety-nine out of a hundred, those scenarios,
the guy will saying, Hey, I'm, I'm out for a while cause he doesn't want to lose your
emotional investment in him. He doesn't want to risk he's, if he's seeing you as a high
value woman, he perceives other men will see you that way. And thus, he's going to want
to keep up momentum so that you don't drift to one of those other men who he thinks is
bound to be messaging you. So he might say, Hey, I've got this thing over at work that
I'm gonna do, or Hey, I'm really sorry you won't to hear from me for a couple of days.
I got to sort this stuff with mom. Where whatever, that's like one-offs, you know. And, he maybe
if he didn't get a chance to message you, he'd be profusely apologetic after the four
days.
Jermia: Yeah. Like he's phone go eaten by a bear and he was lost in the woods for four
days
Mark: I'm so so sorry, a bear ate my phone. Rescuers couldn't get me. The helicopter crashed.
Please don't hate me, this will not happen again. That guy probably likes you. Give that
guy a second chance.
Jermia: It's not his fault. He was just out of the country. Yeah. Down to the most important question, Mark.
Mark: Oh, down to the most important question, why, do you want to read that?
Jermia: I find um, I relate truly. Ren, why are you having difficulty to breathe? I think
you must see a doctor.
Mark: And why did you say you could relate?
Jermia: I'm just a bit concerned about you. Oh, you see more right now.
Mark: I'm breathing again. We're all good. Hey, thank you for watching. I'd love to hear
your questions, comments, everything below. What do you think? Should we have Jermia on
for more Ask Mark? Let me know your thoughts in the section below. Give the video a thumbs
up. Hit that big red subscribe button with the little bell as well, so you get the notifications.
Thank you for being on here.
Jermia: My pleasure. Can't wait to talk to you more in the future.
Mark: We will see you next week. Bye.
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