(jaunty music)
(smacking)
- Oh!
(crashing)
(thumping)
- Hi, my name's Carmen Christopher.
And I'm running for mayor
because I wanna get this town in shape.
I think if you have a body,
you should have a hard fuckin' body!
(hip hop music)
(change clanging)
- Whoo, damn!
Definitely helped out my dude, so that's half mine.
Hi, I'm Gary Richardson, and I'm running for mayor
because this town needs to get it's paper straight.
I've been ballin' since I was a youngin',
and stuntin' is a hobby.
(crowd shouting)
- Whoo!
Goodnight, sweet prince.
(grunting)
(screaming)
Whoo!
What's up, bitch?
My name is John Reynolds,
but my aunt's boyfriends call me J-Ball Pizza Ass.
And why am I running for town mayor?
Let's just say I grew up with 33 brother and sisters,
and my dad's a milkman (nerdy laughing).
Maybe.
You know what I'm talkin' about? (nerdy laughing)
- He's dead.
- [John] Nice.
- The only thing that sucks about being buff,
is you just can't fit into stuff.
I can't fit under this dang melch!
Can't fit into this!
Can't fit into this thing!
I can't even fit down the dang sidewalk!
But I can smash your freakin' car!
(playful music)
- He's got my vote!
(dinging)
- One thing's for sure.
I'm most definitely not running for mayor
to impress my girlfriend, Jessica.
- What I bring to the table is simple.
I'm rich, I'm strong, and I'm nasty as hell.
I can get anything I want.
Hey kid, how 'bout you let me get that ice cream cone?
- No, mister.
(ominous music)
- This fuckin' sucks.
You ever pull some shit like that again,
I'ma make one phone call,
chop your fuckin' head off, alright?
- He's got my vote, and Adrian's!
(dinging)
- Also, I wouldn't be caught dead running for mayor
to impress my girlfriend, Jessica.
(laughs awkwardly) No way. (laughs awkwardly)
(80's rock music)
- Ooowahahaha!
- Onomatopoeia, malapropisms, xylophone.
These are just some of the words that I know.
Where did I go to school?
Let's just say it's called Rock & Roll Middle School.
(nerdy laughing)
Did I mention that my dad owns a Ruby Thursdays?
(nerdy laughing) Know what I'm talkin' about?
- He's got my vote!
(dinging)
- Look, and I'm not running for mayor
just to impress my girlfriend, Jessica.
(romantic music)
Wow, girlfriend. (chuckling)
Sounds weird to say.
(nerdy laughing)
Nice.
(romantic music)
- [All] Oh nice, there goes Jessica now!
- Hey babe.
Here's your cream.
(romantic music)
Ohh!
(grunting)
Yeah!
Stone cold!
(depressing music)
- The results are in.
Mayor DeBibbity Beepo wins in an uncontested landslide.
Although there were three other applicants,
their paperwork was rejected,
due to being sticky and folded.
These are the applicants walking right behind me now,
as I talk to you, at home.
And I'm still on camera and still talking.
I hope you're enjoying watching this newscast,
as much as I am giving it,
which is to say, about normal amount.
(depressing music)
(frogs croaking)
(depressing music)
(splashing softly)
(splashing loudly)
(energetic cheering)
- [Man] Look at that!
(water splashing)
(cheering)
- Yeah! Stone cold!
(suspenseful synthesizer music)
- Sad Man's Creek.
Lore has it, years ago, in 1969, three sad men drowned here.
Some say, every year, they return at the stroke of midnight,
to haunt these very.
Oh hell yeah, I'm game.
♪ We're not alone anymore
♪ We're satisfied to the core
♪ We've got a whole lot in store
♪ 'Cause I'm okay with me
♪ I'm okay with you
♪ We're just a couple of dudes
(lively electric guitar music)
(jaunty music)