Do you wanna know how to help your child deal with disappointment? Well, I'm Nicholeen Peck,
and I'm a parenting expert and today we're gonna talk about just. Some children are sensitive
than others. Some of them have a hard time when things don't go their way. And so, it
is important that we remember, we can prepare our children ahead of time to deal with disappointments.
So that they don't create a habit where they feel like the world is ending, or life is
no good. Just because one thing didn't go their way or they didn't get something that
they really wanted. There is a vital skill for teaching children to deal with disappointment,
and it's one of the 4 basic skills of self-government. I'm known all over the world for helping parents
learn how to teach their children and themselves self-government. So that they can have a truly
united family. They can feel connected, they can solve their problems, and have the spirit
of calmness and love in their homes. And that is possible if you learn some key skills.
So I teach 5 parenting skills and we talk about the environment, how to set up the home
environment. So that the parent has to handle all of those things. But there are 4 basic
skills that the children must know. In fact, the parents need to know these 4 basic skills
too. But the children knowing these 4 basic skills, will take care of 99% of their behavioral
problems. Including, handling disappointment. So, these 4 basic skills are: 1. following
instructions, 2. accepting "no" answers and criticism, 3. accepting consequences, and
4. disagreeing appropriately. And all of these 4 skills, actually can be applied to handling
disappointment. How? Let's think when our children get disappointed. Maybe they're in
the middle of playtime and you say, "Hey, son, I need you to take off the trash", "Ah".
That's disappointing, isn't it? Because maybe they wanted to something else. They wanted
to play their game, have their fun. They don't want to go do a chore, but what if they know
all 5 steps to following instructions? Then they can look at the person, keep a calm voice
and body, say "okay" or ask disagree appropriately, do the task immediately and then check back.
In fact, that disagree appropriately when it becomes pretty important, especially if
they want to talk to you about it. But if they already know the skill and you pre-taught
them before you give the instruction. "Hey, I'm going to give you an instruction to remember
how to follow an instruction", and they say "Oh, yeah I know". Then you give them the
instruction and they automatically know in their mind, "Oh yep, the 5 steps are these".
Because we've already worked on it before, they will be successful and they won't have
to feel disappointed. They'll just be calm. In fact, it's important to talk to your children
ahead of time, about what happen if they choose to feel disappointed? Because it is a choice.
Now, of course, we do feel bad, when somethings happen that we don't like, but do we have
to cater to it? That's the main thing, so you make acknowledge, "I know, you don't want
to take the garbage out right now. But this is the instruction I'm giving you and you
need to do all 5 steps". So, how point them in that forward direction? So, what are some
of the other things that happen, that make a child or anyone else for that matter possibly
choose to become disappointed? Well, what about a "no" answer? or somebody giving criticism
to you? Accepting a "no" answer and criticism is a 4 step process that is truly liberating
for a child, or any person for that matter. When you learn to accept a "no" answer, then
you can be calm and happy no matter what. You can't drop the subject when things don't
go your way. In fact, this skill is probably gonna be the most vital skill for your child.
Although, all 4 are required to fully handle any situation or disappointment might occur.
When a person chooses to accept "no" answers, they look at the person, keep a calm voice
and body, say "okay", or ask to disagree appropriately, and then they drop the subject. That means
they don't think about it anymore. They don't allow it to take over their lives. So, if
someone tells you something that's not kind or maybe a piece of criticism that you weren't
expecting. Whether positive or negative, you can choose to accept that criticism with that
same 4 step process. So, what about consequences? Those can be sometimes disappointing. Some
people don't really enjoy knowing when they did something wrong. But they do need to be
thought. In fact, our role as parents demands that we teach our children when they've done
something wrong, and what they should have done better so that they can improve for next
time. This means that they need to learn cause and effect by also earning a consequence as
part of that correction. Now, I can't go into accepting consequences and doing proper corrections
in this particular video. It's probably gonna take too long. But just know, that skill is
also vital at helping a person become happy, feeling peaceful no matter what happens. But
do you want to spend a minute disagreeing appropriately? So, when a person chooses to
disagree appropriately. These skills helps them get their way in a calm and productive
manner. So, when something doesn't go their way and you complain or whine. That is disagreeing
but it's disagreeing appropriately. The steps to disagreeing appropriately are, to look
at the person, keep a calm voice and body, say that you understand the other persons
point of view, share your point of view, listen to what they have to say, and then say "okay"
and drop the subject. If the person can do all these steps to disagreeing appropriately
and the person listening to them also understands the steps, and how to handle that situation
in a productive way. Then the child feels understood, heard even if they don't get their
way. Although, it should work sometimes. I do have rules on how to teach disagreeing
appropriately. What parents need to keep in mind to make sure it's the most effective,
that children don't use it in manipulative ways. But they keep using it in a way that
will be productive for them. So make sure to go to teachingselfgovernment.com to find
more information about teaching your children self-government. The teaching self-government
parenting course as well as some of the other resources there on the teachingselfgovernment.com
website will actually give you information that you need to teach you these 4 basic skills,
plus the other teaching styles, the meetings, and how to be calm to your children. Speaking
of calmness, there is nothing more valuable than understanding what it really means to
be calm, if you are going to handle disappointment. You need to know, what is calmness looks like
for me? and what does it not look like?. And what is my plan for how to be calm, when someone
else isn't? or when something has been disappointing? and how do I help that person become calm?
and maintain my calmness at the same time. If you want your children to be calm, then
you need to be calm too. You've got to teach that lesson and you've got to set the example.
If you need help with your calmness, I have a special gift for you. If you go to the description
below this video, just go right now. There is a link there that goes to the calm parenting
toolkit. The calm parenting toolkit is completely free for people that click that link. So,
go to the calm parenting toolkit, get a free mini-course and start learning about self-government
and some of these skills and much more. You and your children can both handle disappointment
better if you learn to master yourself and to master your calmness. That's probably the
hardest thing that any of us ever learn how to do, but young children can do it. I heard
stories about successful young children, even toddlers mastering their calmness all the
time. So, if you wanna help your children learn to master themselves and handle disappointment.
Teach them the skills and the principles of self-government, and 1 of those key principles
is calmness is the true power. Not aggression, not whining and complaining. And if they learn
to master that, they will create valuable, functional, loving relationships that they'll
be grateful for the rest of their lives. It will bring them security in the years to come.
Go ahead and click that calm parenting tool kit now, get it, get started. And, if you
want to give me a thumbs up, if this was helpful and don't forget to subscribe either. Because
I come up with new videos every single day, I don't want you to miss the ones that are
gonna be helpful to you. So, subscribe now and get what you need going forward with your
self-government and your happy family.