- Hi everyone.
It's good to be here.
It's my first time at AA,
Apps Anonymous.
My name's Matt.
- [Crowd] Hi Matt.
- Hi,
and I'm addicted to apps.
(cheering and applause)
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
It feels so good.
You know, to say it out loud finally.
It's cleansing.
(deep breath)
All right, so I've wanted to make this video
for a while and talk to you guys about this
because I legitimately think that I am addicted to apps
and I say specifically apps and not my phone
because, let's face it, iPhone's and Android's
would just be another phone if it wasn't
for all the cool apps.
And I kinda neglected making this video for a while
because I was really worried that you guys
would think that I was, you know, weird.
As if that wasn't the case already. (goofy laughing)
So I'm just gonna do it.
I'm just gonna tell you guys all the reasons
that I think that I am addicted to apps on my phone.
So, don't judge me.
I am hooked on gaming apps.
Like, oh my God, games are probably
my single biggest problem.
I can't tell you guys how much time I spent
trying to get all the achievements on all of these
iPhone games I've downloaded.
There's this one achievement for Angry Birds
called Smash Maniac and if you have Angry Birds
you probably know what I'm talking about.
This achievement took me,
I don't even want to tell you guys,
it took me probably 100 hours to get.
100 hours, like that's not normal
and I don't just have Angry Birds.
I have Angry Birds.
I have Angry Bird Seasons,
Angry Birds Rio, Angry Birds Space
and Angry Birds Star Wars.
Like, do you know how much time has been
invested in these games?
It's terrible.
See, my problem is I can't just play the game.
I have to get all the freakin' achievements,
which takes up way more time than the average person
should be spending on a video game
'cause it's like, "Oh, I'll just play casually.
"That's fine."
And then there's me that's like, "Oh, I'm not
"gonna play casually, I'm gonna obsess
"about getting this achievement and spend
"100 hours getting it."
What's wrong with me?
I have like 10 pages of apps on my phone.
Not like one or two like a normal person, 10!
I only use the first page.
I don't even know what's in the other nine pages
of apps at this point and it's not just apps.
It's like folders of apps, so it's just...
Honestly, I don't even know how many apps
are in there at this point.
I seriously don't know why I have
so many apps on my phone.
I think it's that I like the idea of my phone
being able to do anything and everything.
Like, at any given point 'cause like,
I can zombify my face, bake a cake,
count the calories from that cake,
and buy some crap on eBay all within like one minute.
It's bad ass.
I call this the possessed hand problem.
I'll be watching a TV show or a movie or something
on TV and I'll have my phone in my hand
and I'll be thumbing through the pages of apps
on my phone.
I don't open any.
It's just like I'm subconsciously browsing.
It's really weird and sometimes I don't even remember
putting my phone in my freakin' hand.
Like, I'll be watching a movie and I'll look over
and my phone's just there like... (space sounds)
It's like my thumb is browsing through the pages
of apps on my phone waiting for one of them
to come alive and do a trick.
I am constantly downloading apps, like every few days
I'll go through the App Store to see which apps are new
and my favorite of the apps that are like paid, but free
for a limited time and I always download them
regardless of their usefulness.
Like the other day I downloaded Period Tracker Pro
just 'cause it was free for a limited time.
I'm never gonna use it, but who cares, free!
And finally Starbucks.
But Matty, why is Starbucks a problem?
It's just coffee.
Well, see Starbucks gives away a free app code
every week, which normally wouldn't be a problem
except every single time I go in there
I get a caramel macchiato, which is $5.00.
So even if you can do simple math you can kind of
figure out what the problem is here.
I spend $5.00 on a coffee
and I get a free download for an app
that's only worth $0.99, so in total I've spent
$4.00 more for an app that I likely wouldn't
have downloaded in the first place,
but I had to get it because it's "free".
Yeah, and I know what you're thinking.
Matty, did you go this week?
Yes, I did.
Brian Cox's Wonders of the Universe
and Doodle Truck 2.
What the f*** am I gonna do with those?
Who cares, they were free! (chomping)
Ugh, that was gross.
So anyways, thanks for listening to my confession.
Maybe I'm alone out there, maybe not,
but either way, who cares?
YouTube is cheaper than a therapist.
Yay!
If you like this video please click like and subscribe
and share it with a friend and other than that
I will see you guys next Saturday.
Hopefully I don't download anymore
between now and then because my phone
just can't handle it anymore. (laughs)
(trumpet blast)
(laughing weirdly)
Gotta get the energy up.
But who cares, they were free! (chomping)
(gagging)
If you like this video and be sure to share it
with a friend if you really liked it
and I will shoot you...
I'll shoot you next Saturday.
Da, da, da, da!