-How many more hits till it's enough?
-Well, you going to the fight, at least?
-No, no. I told him if he fights again,
I'm taking the kids to my sister's.
So that's where I'll be. You know now.
And, Colin, I want you to know, too.
We'll be at my sister's.
-'Kay.
-Here with "Weekend Update's" good news report
is every boxer's girlfriend from every movie about boxing ever.
Please welcome Angel.
-Hey, Michael.
-Hey, Angel. So how was your week?
-Uh, you know, I'm okay. I'm hanging in there.
-So I hear you've got some good news for us.
-Well, you know, Tommy's fighting tonight.
So I've been better.
-Well, I hope he wins.
-Well, I hope he stays alive to see our kids grow up.
So how many more hits till it's enough?
-Well, you going to the fight, at least?
-No, no. I told him if he fights again,
I'm taking the kids to my sister's.
So that's where I'll be. You know now.
And, Colin, I want you to know, too.
We'll be at my sister's.
-'Kay.
-You know what? You're here to talk about the news.
So let's do that.
Holiday spending is expected to be up this year.
-Come on.
-Oh, did I say something?
-You know, I-I've been here before
with you holiday spending a lot, okay?
You're up and we're happy and things are good.
And then, boom, you're down, okay?
And I can't watch that.
I know I've worked in a lot of bars in my life,
but I deserve to be happy.
For my kids, Mikey, Nicky, and Peppers.
So...
if you're going to do this holiday spending,
I'm taking the kids to my sister's, so, yeah.
-Okay.
-Do you hear me? -Yeah, I know.
-Does Colin know?
Colin, we'll be at my sister's.
-I am aware. Yeah, thank you.
-Okay, okay.
-Let's move on to some good news.
Apple predicts its release of the new iPhone X
will be their biggest of all time.
-Okay, you know what? -Oh, no. Alright.
-You know what? When's it gonna stop?
You know, every year, a new iPhone.
And you know what? They tell me it's different this time.
But you know what?
I don't give up on my old phone after a year.
You think -- You think you're the fighter?
I'm the fighter. I've still got my 4s.
Alright? Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
That's right. That's right.
-You should really get a new phone.
-Yeah? Yeah, and what kind of woman would I be if I did that?
Okay, you know where I'm going to be
the day that that phone comes out?
-Yeah, at your sister's. -At my sister's, yes.
With my kids, yes. Colin, did you hear that?
-I can hear everything you're saying, yes.
-Right here. Well, we all heard you, Angel.
Let's talk about something happy.
The Snoopy balloon
is returning this Thanksgiving for the parade.
-Oh, come on, Snoopy. You're 60 years old, alright?
I can't take it.
You can't take it.
You know how many men it takes to hold you up?
You're done.
You're a broken-down piece of rubber, alright?
And if -- if you think for a second
that I'm taking my kids to that parade
and not to my sister's,
then you have got another thing coming, Michael.
Okay? -No, I hear you, Angel.
Just out of curiosity, where are your kids right now?
-At my sister's! -Right.
Every boxer's girlfriend, everybody.
-I'm the fighter! I'm the fighter.
-Here with "Weekend Update's" good news report
is every boxer's girlfriend from every movie about boxing ever,
Angel.
Hey, Angel. How are you?
-I'm doing my best.
-Hey. You seem kind of upset.
-Yeah, well, it's the weekend, so guess who's got a fight.
-Your boyfriend? -Yeah, that's right.
Tommy's fighting, so...
-Are you going?
-No, I'm not going, okay?
I will not be at that ring, and I will not be at my house.
But I will be at a house.
And that house belongs to my sister,
because I'm taking the kids to my sister's.
-Okay, Angel.
Let's talk about some good news.
Are you excited for the royal wedding?
-Oh, God.
-What'd I say?
-Oh, yeah.
Meghan Markle. Yeah.
You think you're marrying a prince on a white horse?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Till my prince rode in on a white stretcher.
Alright? Fairy tale's over.
You know, I may buy most of my groceries at a gas station,
but I'm a good mom...
to my kids, Mikey, Nicky, Peppers,
and my precious baby, Keno.
-You named your son Keno?
-Daughter. -Oh.
-So if Meghan Markle decides to walk down that aisle,
I won't be at that royal wedding.
-Were you even invited?
-Doesn't matter, 'cause I'm taking the kids to my sister's.
Did you hear -- Did you hear me, Michael?
-Yeah, I heard you.
-Did Colin? 'Cause I want Colin in the loop.
-Yeah, I'm hearing everything you say.
-Hey, this is a fun story.
So this week, a woman donated a million dollars
to Washington State Parks.
-Oh, Washington State Parks.
Yeah. Yeah. Are you kidding me?
You think just because you win a little prize money,
suddenly everything's gonna be okay?
All the money in the world
isn't going to change what's coming to you.
That's right, global warming.
And when climate change knocks you out,
Washington State Parks, I'm not going to be there.
I'm going to be at 555 Whitey Bulger Way.
-And is that address -- -My sister's, alright?
And I'd go to my brother's,
but he's in prison and his wife's a bitch.
-Yeah, we should probably move on.
Did you hear Roseanne is back?
-Oh, what?
What?
I thought they retired that show in the '90s.
-Yeah.
-Now they're going to bring it back?
And I'm supposed to believe that it's different
just 'cause Darlene's got a gay son?
I don't need no fancy reboot, alright?
I'm ride or die I still watch "Frasier" on VHS.
Alright? Yeah.
-Hey, Angel, I was just wondering,
where are your kids right now?
-Oh, you're sick, Michael.
At my sister's.
-Every boxer's girlfriend, everybody.
-"The Departed."
-With the holidays coming up,
everyone could use a little cheer.
Here with "Weekend Update's" good news report
is every boxer's girlfriend from every movie about boxing ever.
Please welcome Angel.
-Hi, Michael.
-Hi, Angel. How are you?
-You know, I'm hanging in there.
-So do you have any big holiday plans?
-Yeah, well, you know, Tommy's got a big fight
coming up on Christmas.
So I guess the only thing
he'll be getting from Santa is a concussion.
-He's boxing on Christmas?
-Not as far as I'm concerned.
I mean, Tommy can get his sleigh bells rung all he wants,
but if he goes to that fight,
then I'm taking the kids to my sister's.
-Okay, Angel. -You hear me, Michael?
The kids.
I'm taking them to my sister's.
-Alright, well, here's some good holiday news.
How about that?
Tyler Perry made headlines this week
when he paid off over $400,000 in Walmart layaways.
-Oh. -What? What's wrong, Angel?
-I mean, what are you doing, Tyler Perry?
You think you're being some hero,
paying for other people's Christmas presents?
Well, my kids already got their Gronk jerseys, alright?
What they need is their father.
So unless you're going to be there on Christmas morning...
...to say hello,
then Madea's family reunion will be missing a few people
'cause I'm taking the kids to my sister's.
I have to. -Okay, alright.
-Alright, that's where we'll be on Christmas, Michael.
At 343 Donnie Wahlberg Way.
-Let's just change the subject. Oh, you'll like this.
"Creed II" has made over $100 million at the box office.
Did you get to see that? -Ohh.
-What did I say now?
-Oh, if you think for a second
I'm taking my kids to see Creed's kids fight Drago's kid
and not to my sister's kids and my sister,
then you've lost your damn mind
because I'm taking my kids to my sister's.
-Oh, come on, everybody loves another Rocky movie.
-Oh, yeah, and how many more sequels until it's enough?
Michael B. Jordan, no.
Michael be needing his catheter changed three times a week.
Alright.
-Angel, it's just a movie.
-Oh, yeah, Michael, you think it's a movie
until it's your life.
-Angel, Angel.
-Oh, my, Tommy!
Tommy!
Oh, my. Oh, my God. What are you doing here?
-I could ask you the same thing.
You said you were taking the kids to your sister's.
-Yeah.
Yeah, well, I did, and then I came here to my job.
I'm doing the news now for Michael Che.
Turns out I'm pretty good at it.
-What?
What, now that, what, you've been on "Update,"
you think you're better than me?
-Yeah, Tommy, maybe I do.
-Look, I may have been born in the back of the Cheers bar,
but everybody knows my name.
Tommy Ray Donovan, fighter and father to Mikey,
Nicky, Peppers, Keno...
and the baby.
-What do you mean?
-You're pregnant, Angel.
-Oh, my God!
-How does he know before you?
-Yeah. Yeah.
I love you so frickin' much.
-I love you so friggin' much, Tommy.
Now you go out there and you punch that man
until you kill him, alright?
-I will. -Alright, it's Christmas.
-That's right. -Angel and Tommy, everybody.
-We're gonna name the baby Gronk.
-Even if it's a girl.