- Hey guys, so it's my birthday when I upload this video,
unless I set fire to the kitchen, and this is my
memorial video, and it's really sad, but hopefully not.
It really looks like no one came to my party,
but you guys are here because I thought we'd make
a bit of content by trying to make my birthday cake
without a recipe, cue dramatic music.
(dramatic music)
I was inspired by The Try Guys, and also,
the Great British Bake-Off technical.
I don't want the steely gaze of Paul Hollywood,
or maybe I do, I don't know.
I can never decide.
As it's out of season, this is my first time baking
on this channel without Dan, so it'll be interesting
to see if he was a help, or a hindrance
in the baking process, and see how well
I do without him.
I found some ingredients for a rainbow sprinkle cake.
I didn't look at the recipe.
I just looked at the ingredient list,
which, I think, has something going for me,
and it'll be really sugar-y.
Sugar can make anything taste good.
Just sprinkle some sugar on a cucumber,
whack that in your mouth, and it's a treat,
so I've got all the ingredients, but I don't know
what order to mix them together in, and it said easy,
but the ingredients seem frickin' complicated.
We've got flour, there's two types of sugar.
Why do you need two types of sugar?
Surely one was enough, and then I've got butter,
I've got yogurt.
I don't know how the F, how am I gonna put yogurt in it,
or when, eggs, how many eggs, who knows?
All the eggs?
I feel like you might need quite a few eggs.
Anyway, we'll get into that, and also, the rainbow vibes,
I've got some unicorn confetti.
What part of the unicorn did this come from?
Did it poop it out?
Did it cry it out?
Did it come out of another bodily function?
So I'm gonna use a lot of sugar,
two types of powder, baking, and bicarbonate,
I've got Morrison's, the best vanilla extract.
I wasn't holding back on my extract.
I feel like this might make it.
Oh, that's a delight to the old nozz,
and glamor and sparkle, so I can inject a bit of Beyonce
into the cake.
This does not look like it will taste good.
It looks like...
No, this tastes like licking pennies.
- I smell pennies.
(creature screams)
- All right, let's bake a cake.
My heart is telling me to start with flour
because it's the base of the cake,
the foundations of my cake house, and my brain
is saying sugar and butter.
All right, picture it, you go in the kitchen,
your mom's got a knife, no.
I'm in the bakery, I'm making a cake,
I'm getting my flour.
You always get the flour first, right?
Or maybe I should start with the yogurt,
just to be, no, okay.
No, idiot, I need to preheat the oven, don't I?
I can't decide if it should be 200 or 300.
Preheat the oven to...
200 degrees, or 300?
I'm feeling like 300 is way too hot, so I'm gonna say 200,
and then, if it looks like it's not doing anything,
we can always whack it up a bit.
The oven is cooking.
I wonder if this has got any cake making tips.
Contains flour, who knew?
Look at this guy, judging my every move.
You're going to fail.
Okay, my logic is I need enough mixture to fit in here,
and it also needs to be moist.
Not wet, but a good, sloppy consistency.
I'm gonna stop talking about that.
Flour, I don't have a weighing scale because
who knows what the F a gram is in this situation?
I'm just gonna feel it out with my intuition.
What feels like a good amount?
Like that?
I've never been more unsure of anything in my life.
It's begun, there's no going back now.
Get in there, Bess.
I guess more is better than not enough, so I'm just gonna
whack a bit more in.
Now would probably be a good time to sieve in
some bicarbonate, right?
Use the quantity as stated in the recipe.
Thanks for nothing.
Half, let's do half a spoon, and I'm gonna do
a full spoon of baking powder.
Maybe, let's do a bit more.
I feel like more is better than less.
I'm not panicking, it's fine.
This is reminding me of when I was about 7,
and I had a party, and my parents made me look like
the biggest nerd ever by making me a computer PC cake,
which is so cute, and also, fond memories
of the terrifying furry that hung out with us all day.
Hello.
I'm tempted to do an egg.
Let's do an egg, or should we now cream some sugar
and butter together?
Should I do that separately?
Maybe I was meant to do that separately,
and then slowly add in the flour.
Okay, I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna do that, and then mix them together slowly.
Yes, I'm a genius.
This butter's really hard, so I might whack it in the oven
for a second, just about a minute.
It's happening now.
I've got my butter in the oven.
It seems like a bad idea.
I'm feeling, cakes are sweet, but I think it's gonna be
less sugar than the flour.
About...a bit more.
Ah, oh, I just dripped butter all over the oven,
but it's soft now, at least.
Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Brown sugar smells so good.
I just wanna rub it all over my body.
All right, so you just put loads of brown sugar in, as well.
What about that?
Maybe a bit more white.
I feel like I've over-sugared it a bit now.
We like things sweet.
It's all good.
I've got this sticky butter, and I'm just gonna get
those nobs of it, and drop it in.
Go in, my child.
Cakes are quite a buttery scenario, aren't they,
so let's just go with our gut feeling.
Half of the thing.
That seems like a lot of butter, but it's a big cake tin.
I found this electric whisk up here
in this cupboard that we didn't even know
was a cupboard, but this is gonna help me out greatly.
Here we go.
(mixer whizzes)
Whoa, yes.
I'm gonna whack an egg in there, just for a bit of liquid,
and that was quite a good crack, Phil.
Thanks, Phil.
I'm enjoying my own crack, right?
Okay.
(mixer whizzes)
Yes, egg was a good idea.
All right, I think I'm gonna put another egg in
because that was so successful.
Ah, Jesus, that was spray.
I sprayed it everywhere.
I haven't added my vanilla.
I feel like you don't need to have much,
so let's just do a few drops, and I've got
a vanilla yogurt, which I feel like I've never heard of
yogurt going into a cake before, but it was on the list.
Should I put the whole thing in?
Why not, just do it.
Yoggies in the mix.
So my strategy, I don't know why I just squatted,
my squatting strategy is to slowly add the flour into this.
Do you put milk in a cake?
I can't remember if there was milk on the list.
I'm gonna just add a bit of milk.
Is that gonna ruin it, I don't know.
I mean, the first person who made a cake
will have had some trial and error.
They'll have tried milk.
They'll hae tried two eggs, so maybe this is genius,
and it's gonna end up with me having the cooking
equivalent of an Oscar, so I'm gonna slowly add
a bit of this into here.
I feel like this is where it could all go wrong.
(dramatic music)
Fluffy and delicious.
(mixer whizzes)
All right, thoughts time.
I don't think that's enough mixture to fill the cake tin.
I'm gonna add some more flour to just starch it
maybe a bit.
And another egg.
I'm regretting the egg now.
It's too late.
Spoiler, I'm gonna put on the screen
how many eggs it actually required now,
so look away if you don't want to see it.
I wonder if I was right.
(mixer whizzes)
Now, I'm gonna fold in some of the sprinkles.
I'm not gonna put loads in.
Oh, that looks so satisfying.
It's one of those ASMR Instagram slime videos.
Hello, and welcome to my baking ASMR channel.
I'm just mixing all of these unicorn pieces
into the...
(audio crackles)
It's a grease-proof tin, but I don't know if that means
I've still gotta use grease-proof paper,
or if I'm being an idiot, and that this will be fine,
so I might do both, anyway.
♪ I don't know what the hell I'm doing ♪
♪ but I'll just pretend it's going well ♪
The moment of truth.
♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪
Oh my God, I don't want to call myself Circle Jesus,
but look at that.
I've put that in, and I'm gonna spray it
with anti-grease spray, as well.
I'm hoping this is enough mixture.
Oh, this is satisfying, look at that.
Just, let's get it all in there.
I don't know what to do.
Okay, it's too, there's not enough.
I don't have enough.
I could do two things.
I could either make more, or just hope this rises loads,
or I'll have a slightly flat cake.
I think it's gonna raise a bit, so either way,
we're gonna get a nice slice of cake.
I'm gonna do 20 minutes, and then we'll see
if it looks like a cake yet.
Yeah, yeah, no.
Oh, ah, I don't know, I don't know,
I don't wanna ruin it.
I feel like this is the crucial moment now.
300 degrees, no I'm sticking to my guns,
200 degrees, 20 minutes.
It looks like some kind of pumpkin soup or something.
Set a timer for 20 minutes please.
- [Irish Siri] Okay, your new timer is running
for 20 minutes.
- Thanks, Irish Siri.
That's my butter disaster there.
It looks like it's burning a bit on top.
You can't really see it because of the dots,
but I'm gonna turn down the heat a little bit.
Okay, it's been about 15 minutes, and it's looking
nice and golden brown, but not burnt,
so after 20, I think I'm gonna give it a poke.
I know you can do that thing where you put a thing,
and I don't know if this is one of the things,
or if it's a different thing, dip your thing
into the middle, and if it's covered in sludge
then it's not ready, but if it's a clean sheath,
then the cake is ready.
Twenty minutes is up, but after the first, initial burn
disappeared, which I'm guessing were the sprinkles,
which might have sunk into it now, so there might be
burned sprinkles in there.
Oh no, she's not recording, oh yeah, hello.
Yeah, there might be some burned sprinkles in there.
The actual top still looks a bit pale,
so I'm gonna risk it because I don't wanna open the door,
and then it goes plunk.
I'm gonna risk it, and leave it another seven minutes,
six minutes, and I'm gonna keep an eye on it,
and then when I feel like it's ready, I'll stick
my thing in the middle.
I'm gonna give it five more minutes.
Four minutes, 37.
(Phil drums)
Five more minutes, and that's it.
We'll finish it up.
Four, three minutes, okay, three minutes.
What am I doing?
Oh, it does smell really good.
I've steamed up the camera, sorry guys.
Is it springy to the touch?
Oh, yes.
I'm gonna stick my thing in it.
Smooth, I think we're done.
I think she's ready.
Time to come out.
Okay, I can see a bit of sprinkles poking through, as well,
which is encouraging.
I know what this is, these are vents,
but I'm gonna put it on that.
I'm gonna leave it to cool, and then, I'm gonna
decorate it, which is the best bit, and then,
the taste test.
It's been 17 minutes.
I got bored.
It's not hot to the touch anymore.
She's still springy though.
It's springing away from the edge, which is actually
a really good sign.
We've got, oh, oh, ah, ah, it's so flat.
I made the flattest cake ever.
It's like someone has drawn a line on a piece of paper.
I can't believe it's so thin.
I was trying to be optimistic, but I mean,
maybe I needed more baking powder.
I don't know.
It's still gonna taste good, especially after we
cover it in vanilla frosting.
We get flat earth conspiracy.
This is a flat cake conspiracy.
Oh, I could make it into the earth, could I?
No, I don't have enough green.
On a more positive spin, I could get a Guinness Record
for the flattest cake in the world.
Hit me up, guys.
I have vanilla buttercream, which is gonna make everything
taste nice pink and blue designer icing, by Louis Vuitton,
oh yeah, and then standard writing icing.
I've got a lot of blue.
Maybe I could do a cake based on my fish.
Should I do a Norman cake?
I've lost the buttercream spreading device,
so I'm using a knife.
There we go, good start.
(upbeat music)
If you're ever feeling stressed, I recommend
just slathering buttercream on your favorite object,
and then you will feel better, unless your favorite
object is your cat.
Then, maybe, don't do that.
(upbeat music)
So I'm gonna go with normal the fish,
holding some balloons.
So like any professional cake,
I'm gonna start with a border.
This is a lot harder to apply than I thought.
I don't wanna blow my own cake trumpet,
but this is looking pretty great.
Look at that one.
That is so perfect.
That belongs in Bake-Off.
It says massage the icing before you use it.
Should I do it sensually, just get you
right between the shoulder blades?
(Phil slaps box)
Norman is gonna be in the corner, and then,
the balloons are gonna come out of his mouth.
(calm music)
That was meant to be Norman.
That was meant to be his flowing fins.
I'm making it a bit more fin-like.
Oh no, I'm ruining it.
It looks like Norman.
It abstracts Norman, as he's turning around in the tank.
Hasn't Pennywise just ruined balloons for everyone now?
There's a square balloon.
- How do you get square balloons?
- Blow square breaths.
- I'm not being funny.
I think that is an actual masterpiece.
Imagine if I've gone to all this effort,
and then it's fully disgusting?
It seems to be slicing well.
Okay, I can't see any rainbow sprinkles at all.
I feel cheated by these sprinkles.
I wonder if it was too hot, and they just melted
into the cake, and what's why it's
a slightly weird color.
Here, there we go.
Let's pretend they were already in.
The actual texture feels quite cake-y, but somehow,
it's actually thicker than it looks when it wasn't cut.
It's sprung up.
All right, here we go.
I'm nervous.
(drumroll)
That is not bad.
That is actually really nice.
I think I might have put too much vanilla in it.
It tastes very vanilla-y.
The texture is a little bit like eating a cushion.
It's not as crumbly and smooth as a normal cake,
and I don't know if I put too much eggs in it, or something,
but it's a cake.
It's a cake.
I made a cake.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I don't know if any of that recipe was somehow
fluked to be right, but I'm gonna eat more of this.
I'm gonna give myself, officially, B-plus.
I thought the kitchen would be on fire,
and I thought it would just be a goopy mess
that didn't even look like a cake, but it's a cake.
I made a freaking cake without even knowing
how to make a cake.
I did something right.
I've redeemed myself after the Bob Ross painting.
Let's go by the edge.
(cake crunches)
Slightly the texture of an old boot,
but still flavorsome.
A flavorsome boot.
All right, I've cleaned up a bit of mess
because it was stressing me out,
and I thought we could have a gander at the actual recipe
and see how close I was, or if I was close at all.
I'm not sure.
I think I must've got about 50/50.
I made something cake-like, so let's have a look.
Sally's Baking Addiction.
How, hold the cake, how is hers so rainbow-y?
American sprinkles, man.
This is an American recipe.
You're still allowed to use all those
food colorings and E numbers that are banned over here.
Maybe ours are just a little bit too British,
and they melted away in the oven,
didn't want to be a bother.
Right, oh, okay, she used equal parts sugar and flour,
which is what I did.
Maybe I did a bit more flour, but generally,
and she used more of the white sugar than the brown sugar,
which is also what I did, so three thumbs up for
Philly, so far.
Oh, one egg.
I used three eggs.
I should've stuck at two.
I had the feeling in my water I should've stuck at two.
Three eggs, I bet that's why it's so droopy.
I've got too many eggs in there.
Quarter cup of yogurt.
I just yeeted the whole thing in.
I did not do that much milk.
I just did a splash, and a tablespoon of vanilla extract,
wow, so hers must be even more vanilla-y than mine
because I just did a little trinkle.
Is trinkle, trinkle?
One stick of butter.
What the hell is a stick?
115 grams.
I think I used a bit more than that.
Maybe I over-buttered it.
More butter, the merrier.
Oh, I put too much baking powder and soda in it.
Preheat the oven, oh, yes, I did the oven
the right temperature, just about.
Mine was a bit too warm, but I almost did it 300 degrees,
so that would've been a disaster.
Spray your pan, I did that.
Mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda,
and salt, set aside, do a separate bowl,
guys, I nailed this.
How did I?
I always just put it all into the same bowl.
For some reason, I had a distant memory
of having separate bowls, and then putting the flour in.
I'm so proud of myself.
Whisk in your egg, yogurt, milk.
I am so impressed.
Cook for 37 minutes, oh, maybe this was
a bit underdone then.
It seemed like it was ready, but mine's quite thin,
so maybe that was fine for this one,
and that's it.
I'm flabbergasted.
What is that noise?
We're having an earthquake.
No, nothing else is moving.
All right, there's some rat in my kitchen.
I'm gonna give myself a pat on the boob,
I mean, the head, pat on the head.
All right, I'm gonna go eat more of my
questionably delicious cake.
Please give me a thumbs up if you enjoyed this.
I will give a virtual slice of this to anyone
that subscribes, as well.
I hope you're having a great day,
and I will see you very soon, goodbye.
Kissed someone married?
That's a dodgy one to admit to
if you're playing this in a group.
Okay, here's, I just remembered this
when I heard the question, that's so funny.
Let's set the scene.
I'm at university, and I'm in a bar.
It's 2:00 in the morning.
I need to pee, so I should just call this video pee,
and I need to pee really bad.
I do not like going to pee in bars.
It's awkward.