You have a one man show, The New York Story.
Yes.
And one of your points is you feel New York has changed.
How has New York changed, Colin?
New York and L.A. have both changed,
and New York has changed because there's no characters,
'cause people are afraid to say anything, you know,
obviously in the climate we live in in the country.
So the New York, a construction worker sees a girl walking
by now, he's like, hey, look at that strong
independent woman, you know. (laughing)
And, uh, yeah, watching men yell at the players.
Hey, ump you're crazy, no offense to anyone
with mental illness in their families. (laughing)
And, but L.A., so New York has lost its... the whole point
of New York was, the whole world wants to be tolerant,
and positive, and non-judgemental.
[Conan] Yes, yes. That's good.
Not New York, and of course, Boston is the other.
I'll talk about L.A. in one second, let me just side
back to Boston, 'cause I was in Boston and I realized it's
the only place, everywhere else, like, oh, you know,
who's from here, this person from Mad Men,
all the celebrities.
Boston, they're like hey, Ben Affleck's from here, huh?
(Beep) him. (laughing)
It's like, what?
My friend knocked over his coffee, he didn't do anything.
He's a, and you know, Marky Mark, my cousin beat the piss
out of him in a Foxborough Mall.
[Conan] Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing)
No, I'm from Boston.
A Boston autograph, exactly.
I'm from Boston, and that is exactly how they are.
I went to the, I told this story before, but I showed
up at Logan Airport, and I'm walking, there's a long line
to get in the taxi cab, and I'm walking towards the back
of the line, like I got my suitcase and I'm going to go-
Like Irish people, going to jump the line.
Yeah, and I'm walking with my suitcase towards the back
of the line, and before I can even get to the back
of the line, the guy running the line goes like, hey,
back of the line, movie star! (laughing)
I'm like, I'm not in the movies, and I was heading,
and the whole line looks at him like, what is
that asshole doing? (laughing)
Right, that's a very Irish attitude,
like, don't think you're getting too big.
But the thing about L.A., L.A. when I was first here
in the eighties, back the eighties, and um, it was,
it had its mojo, somewhere in the course of technology,
you let those nerds in Northern California start
to shame you, where you guys feel, instead of being
the hedonist that you are, you start going, we have
to be smart too, and suddenly they're trying
to be intellectuals, they, you know, L.A.'s getting
like this whole activism, awareness.
You guys are beautiful, just sit by the pool
in the lounge chair, that's your job. (laughing)
Look pretty, okay?
[Conan] Look pretty. Yeah.
And now look, the water, the drinking, you think
they're gonna send the water back down when you guys are
just starving to death, spitting on your lawn?
No. (laughing)
That place was supposed to be your mini-bar.
You run up there, you got drunk in Napa Valley,
then you come back down the same night.
And now they, you know, you gotta go up there
and beg some 25 year old nerd for ten million dollars
cause, you know, he invented an app where you can have sex
and find the best fro-yo place in- (laughing)
L.A. and New York have lost their mojo.
You don't know what the hell you're talking about
(laughing)
There's no app where you get sex and the best fro-yo place.
Now wait a minute, I'll prove it to you.
Oh, look who's the nerd now.
That thing isn't even real. (laughing)
I have a prop phone. (laughing)