- [Mark] Amanda.
- Yes.
- [Mark] You're homeless here in Seattle.
- Yes.
- [Mark] Tell me about it.
- Seattle's beautiful.
What do you want to know?
- [Mark] How do you survive out here?
You're living under a bridge.
- I try to remember that for as many negatives there are,
that there must be that many positives.
And so I keep looking at the positives
and I keep trying to remember
that there are beautiful colors
and that I'm saving my life
and that that's what matters.
And it doesn't matter where I live
and it doesn't matter, any of it,
just so long that I'm alive
and that I'm making a difference in this world
because no one's gonna stop that.
I'm gonna do the right thing and I'm going to save my life
and hopefully do good in the lives of others.
- [Mark] You remain positive
even though you're going to the bathroom outside.
- Yeah, it's like camping.
- [Mark] Well, you keep telling yourself that.
- You have to.
You have to.
'Cause you have to get through it
and you have to remind yourself that you are a person.
You are not an object, you are not a thing,
and it doesn't matter who threw you away
and it doesn't matter how you were treated in the past.
You are worthy of getting through this
and so you have to be positive and you have to love yourself
because no one's coming to save you.
You've got to do this and that's the only way to do it.
If you've got to be a Disney princess to do it,
be a Disney princess.
That's my advice.
- [Mark] You just need princess
to get through homelessness.
- Do whatever you've got to do.
If you've got to pretend to be a pirate,
if you've got to pretend to be a traveler,
if you've got to pretend that all of it is something
that you want desperately,
do it however you've got to do this to get through this.
- [Mark] Chase the reality.
- Yes.
- [Mark] Which is why a lot of people use drugs.
- Oh gosh.
- [Mark] To fix this pain.
- Can you imagine, okay, I complain a lot about addiction
and I complain about them letting people flailing out,
you know, they don't treat it
and so we have to be around it,
those of us who are not on it.
I complain a lot about that.
But I also, on the other hand, understand.
For example, I have a list of conditions.
If I was not able to do what I do and I had to sleep
on a cold sidewalk and had nothing to temper the cold
or the pain, or any of it, yeah,
I can see grabbing something to get through it.
The pain would be unbelievable.
Sometimes you, nobody gets,
well, I'm not saying nobody gets it, a lot of people get it.
Actually, there's millions that get it in the United States,
because there are millions that are just like me
or worse off than me.
Like I said earlier, I do look at the positive.
I try to get through it by thinking whatever.
It's a beautiful day, it's a wonderful life,
there's gorgeousness, whatever, I'm camping.
- [Mark] You were just telling me the birds,
you like the birds in the morning.
- The birds singing, whatever, you know I've made friends
with all the spiders, it's wonderful.
But then you get, company's coming, Mark's coming,
Hanes is coming and you want to clean.
And you're like, okay, company is coming, I'm gonna clean.
And then you realize
that there is nothing that affects this.
The reality hits and there's nothing that makes it pretty.
There's no roses to throw on it,
you feel like the day you did when you lost it all
because you realize that for all the work you put in,
you still live under a bridge
and that's where you're at.
And so you hurry up and you're playing the prettiest leaf
and you're like, okay, there is is, beauty again.
Where's my birds?
Because you've got to get through it.
So that's how you do it.
If you're not gonna turn to drugs.
- [Mark] So now we just met in person.
- In person, yeah.
- [Mark] We've know each other online.
You actually reached out to me with a photo
of your morning cup of coffee saying good morning.
And then we run an online support group for homeless people
and you became part of that,
now you're an admin in the group
and then you're part of this Hanes campaign
where millions of people have seen you washed your hair.
- Oh really?
- [Mark] In the cold.
Well, you've seen your story.
- Yeah.
- [Mark] And seen how you live out here,
but also saw your positive attitude.
- Yeah.
It has to be shown though, I mean the thing is,
it's embarrassing at first and then you realize
that it is what it is and if people don't see this
and they can't get it, then we are doomed.
We're doomed to repeat our mistakes.
And people can push blame and say it's this body's fault
and somebody's fault and everybody's fault
and whose fault is it?
But in the end, it is what it is, it needs to be fixed.
So really, blame is pointless.
- [Mark] We just need to end homelessness.
- Yes.
- [Mark] Forget the games, forget the bureaucracy,
'cause that's it.
- It's over and here's the thing,
it won't ever be solved if we keep talking about it,
all there's gonna be is talk.
And people are dying right now
and right now I can't wash my hair
'cause of the nerve damage and it's too cold
and that seems like a really little thing, okay, I get it.
It's not that big, not in the scope of everything,
but it's kind of big to me sometimes.
- [Mark] It is big.
I have learned,
grown to respect you as a person,
because you help everybody that you can.
- I try.
- [Mark] You fight to be positive,
you're not scared to be vulnerable.
Many a times you will live broadcast,
crying like you are now.
- Yes.
- [Mark] The challenges that you're going through
and I think more people need to see that
to see you.
- That's exactly it, authenticity.
Because the thing is, I realize, 'cause at first,
when I was blogging, I was always waiting until I was happy
and able to communicate everything in a positive way.
But in that, even though I felt I'm completely honest,
it was misleading to some people.
They were taking it as look at this,
I wasn't giving the whole story.
I wasn't showing that I'm brain injured
and here are these things that could pop up
and are not cool and are not fun and are real challenges.
And that people face these insurmountable odds sometimes.
And we get these questions like why don't you?
Why don't you do this, why don't you do that,
why don't, why don't, why don't?
So we need to start answering some of this, you know?
I think as a homeless community, a lot of times
we push that away and we're like, you just don't understand.
Okay, well, let's help.
And that's where I wanted to be, is a bridge, I guess,
because I lived the other life as well,
and unfortunately, I knew a lot of people
that were very harsh towards the impoverished community
and the poor in general.
So in one way, I'm blessed to know exactly what they think
and I'm able to combat it.
And so I do that and all I can say is I try.
And that's all anyone can do, is get up and show up and try.
- [Mark] Well, thank you for inviting me
into your home.
- Yeah.
- [Mark] We're gonna have a fun week.
- Yay.
- [Mark] I'm committed to getting you out of this
and we're gonna do that, don't know how.
- Right.
- [Mark] But I mean, we're gonna do it.
If you had three wishes, what would they be?
- Three wishes, I would wish for the strength
to continue fighting.
I would wish that others could get out of this too.
And I'd wish for understanding and compassion for everybody,
like just knowledge I guess.
Three wishes are hard.
They're hard not to take for yourself.
- [Mark] Well, thank you very much for talking to me.
(Amanda crying)
(gentle music)