Transcriber: Paulina Kaniewska Reviewer: Rhonda Jacobs
I once read it takes seven seconds to make a first impression of someone.
That's why I waited seven seconds before I started speaking.
I wanted you to take a good look at me first.
I wanted you to form your first impression of me without hearing my voice
because I know probably a lot of you are thinking the same thing right now:
“Wow! I did not expect that voice to come out of that person.”
I’ve heard it a million times - it surprises people.
The wheels in your head probably started spinning:
“OK, so he looks like a dude - whatever a dude looks like -
but she sounds like a girl - whatever a girl sounds like.
So, wait, what am I looking at?”
You’re looking at me.
My name is Thorn, I’m 25 years old, and I’m an actor living in Amsterdam.
And I’m also non-binary.
I’m not a man, and I’m not a woman.
Did you read that from our seven-second first impression?
The pattern I’ve noticed with people’s first interaction with me
is one of being puzzled.
You and me - we -
we’re already past the first seven seconds of our first impression,
and hopefully you’re still looking at me
from the audience, or maybe at home from a laptop screen or a phone screen.
The wheels in your head are starting to spin,
you try to fit the pieces together,
but some of it just won’t fit.
And it's because I don't fit into your binary world.
You know, I have a theory, a theory of why it is confusing to see me -
it’s because from that same little laptop or phone screen, or maybe a bigger screen,
a TV or a cinema,
you don’t see enough people like me.
Representation matters, but do we know how much it really does?
And I happen to know quite a lot about representation because I’m an actor.
I’ve told you before, but I will repeat it because sometimes our brains stop working
after we hear the word “non-binary,” and it’s all we tend to see.
It’s kind of a thing - silly little brain, right?
“Non-binary.”
That’s labeling, and labelling is limiting.
Because yes, I am non-binary,
but I’m also so much more.
I’m someone’s partner. I’m someone’s friend.
I’m a horrible cook.
I’m a Leo.
I’m quite obsessed with brushing my teeth.
I love to dance - both when no one is watching and when everyone is watching.
I’m an activist. And I’m an actor.
And actually, and I say this with pride, but also a small hint of frustration -
I was the first non-binary actor that played a non-binary character
in a Dutch TV show - ever.
Pride - because let’s be honest, it’s pretty cool, but also frustration -
because since there have been non-binary people in my country, which is
since the beginning of humanity,
in 2020, 20-20, I had to be the first.
And that is late.
Why, if we are so many, only so few of us get to be represented in modern day media?
I know for a fact
that you have crossed a non-binary person walking in the streets.
Maybe you didn’t realize because you cannot really tell
if someone’s non-binary based on how they look,
but we are here.
We are a part of this society,
so why aren’t we a part of how society is being presented to you?
Don't we deserve representation?
We need a representation of our world
that’s in balance with the world that we live in - in balance with society.
But if I turn on my TV, I mostly see worlds
consisting of white, cisgender, heteronormative people.
Lots of groups don’t get representation, and if a group doesn’t get representation,
it’s silenced.
It’s made invisible.
A lack of representation means a lack of visibility,
and if something is invisible,
it’s easy to be perceived as nonexistent.
“Non-binary is bullshit.” “There are only two genders.”
“I identify as a helicopter.”
“You’re making this up to get attention” - I hear this on a daily basis.
This binary world with binary toilets,
binary passports,
and binary gender representation has created a gap
between those who live
and those whose lived experiences are being played out on screen.
And why is that a problem? Is it really that bad?
Well, it’s a problem because it results in people walking around for 21 years
without ever seeing themselves,
21 years without having a role model,
21 years without even having the language to give words to their feelings.
People like me.
I was 21 when I heard the word “non-binary” for the first time,
and it was probably one of the best days of my life.
I’m 25 right now, and I’ve been playing non-binary characters
in TV shows and on a movie.
I had no acting experience,
at least if you ignore the fact I’ve been playing a role for 21 years.
But just imagine what my life would’ve been like
if I’d seen this character when I was a kid.
I mean, my life is pretty awesome right now,
but it would probably have gotten awesome a lot sooner.
In the famous words of Marian Wright Edelman:
“You cannot be what you cannot see.”
But seeing non-binary representation on TV is not only beneficial for people like me,
for kids like me,
but also for people who are living with people like me,
which is everyone,
because like I said before,
you’ve probably crossed a non-binary person walking in the streets.
We are in this world together, so we might as well get along.
Right?
I respect you, and you respect me.
Respecting me just happens to be easier if you know how to address me -
with, for example, gender neutral pronouns,
like “they/them.”
And while not every non-binary person uses “they/them” pronouns,
certainly a lot of us do.
Respecting me means respecting my gender identity,
which also means respecting my pronouns.
And I know you might be thinking:
“Ach, It’s so hard, I’m trying, but I cannot get used to it.”
Believe me, I know. I do.
But would it be as hard if a character in your favorite film
used “they/them” pronouns?
If you would hear this type of sentences every day, wouldn’t it help?
I hope it would.
And I hope it would make you less confused when hearing a “feminine voice”
coming out of a masculine presenting body.
I hope it would make you less confused
when navigating outside or in between the conventions of our gender binary.
And I dare to hope - because I’m an optimist.
I hope to see more people beyond the binary on TV -
I know there’re many faces of my community and I want to see all of you represented.
In the famous words of, like I said before, Marian Wright Edelman:
“You cannot be what you cannot see.”
So I want to see you.
And this brings me to the next part,
because it’s really cool to see such a positive reaction
to the first non-binary person on TV,
but it does bring up another challenge.
Because if there’s only one face
of being non-binary represented in the media,
how do we make sure everyone feels represented?
How do we make sure non-binary kids of color feel represented?
How do we make sure femme non-binaries can see themselves?
Well, the answer is simple:
We need more.
We need more representation of a more diverse scope of people
beyond the binary.
And this is an important note to make:
My statement is about me wanting to see more people like me,
but not necessarily more people who look like me
because not all non-binary people look like me.
So yeah - I’m visible, but no - it’s not enough.
Seeing me is not enough.
I want to see you.
And then, hopefully, when we walk into the room, people won’t be thinking:
“What am I looking at?” because they’ve seen us before.
They know we exist, and they know that because we are visible.
So what can you do?
Well, if you are a casting director,
hopefully your sensors’ve been triggered and you’re ready to cast some new talent,
but most of you probably aren’t casting directors,
so you might be thinking this is not about you.
But it is.
Let’s just look at the acting industry as one of those industries and areas in life
in which representation is an issue.
Health care doesn’t know what to do with us.
We cannot see ourselves on passports, in magazines, in politics -
We get run out of toilets, dressing rooms.
If we order a book online, we still have to fill out a form
saying whether we are a man or a woman.
The world is trying really hard to erase us.
And if we fight the fight and finally become visible,
we often pay a high price for it.
That’s why we need people to look out for us.
We need allies, we -
we need you.
You can educate yourself - read a book, watch a documentary, listen to a podcast.
You can use your privilege to create space and opportunities for others.
And if you do take up space, which we should all be able to do,
you should ask yourself:
“Is this my space to claim?”
Let me elaborate on what I mean by that
by giving you an example from my own field.
Say you are a cisgender actor, and you get asked to play a transgender role.
And you know there are many trans actors sitting at home without work
because casting directors “don’t know where to find them.”
And in the meantime, trans actors don’t get asked to play cis roles
because “they’re too trans,” or at least they get taught they’re too trans.
Why then in this state of unequal opportunity
should a cisgender actor play a transgender role?
And this is the perfect time for you to ask yourself:
“Is this my space to claim?”
And if you ask me, the answer would probably be “no.”
And this doesn’t mean you don’t deserve great opportunities because everyone does.
It just means that maybe this is not your great opportunity.
We all deserve visability,
so if you’ve got the privilege to be visible,
it’s your duty to notice when someone else is made invisible.
So call them out.
Call out those institutions that marginalize people beyond the binary,
or even worse - only use them to make themselves look more inclusive,
but don’t contribute to any substantial change.
Use your social media, your voice, your privilege to tell them it’s not OK.
That we have to see the true talent in people beyond using them as a token.
And most of all - demand change.
I demanded change.
And I’m still demanding change. Every single day.
I’m doing it right now.
And then hopefully, we can start the next chapter.
We both get represented. We share the screen.
We are starting to become equals.
I am becoming more than just a label to you.
And we can start bonding a relationship.
I stop being the other,
and I start being Thorn.
I gave you seven seconds to make a first impression of me,
but I’m giving you a lifetime to get to know me.
Thank you.
(Applause) (Cheers)