In all probability as you've gone through your life,
you've noticed that even in your own family,
there's times when people support you and challenge you,
like you and dislike you, and accept you and reject you.
That's part of life. But sometimes the acceptance you get a pleasure out of,
but the rejection, you get a pain out of. But if you really pay close attention,
you'll find out that the people who reject you, that you feel hurt about,
it's only when their opinion about you matters more than your own,
which means you put them on a pedestal and have a little infatuation with their
opinion and somehow admire them. And because of that,
you've got a little dopamine and a little chemistry in the brain that makes you
a little addicted to their opinion of you. And then when they reject you,
it hurts. The wise thing to do
if you are in that situation where you actually are having maybe rejection or
the fear of rejection, is to follow the process I'm about to show you.
It's a series of steps included in a method I call the Demartini Method.
Now there's a more extensive version, this is a brief version,
but it's amazing what it can do if you just apply it. The first thing,
if somebody rejects you and you feel hurt by it is to stop and ask a simple
question.
The only reason it hurts is because you're assuming more pain than pleasure,
more loss than gain, by either statement. Ask the question,
what is the benefit to me of the rejection?
And that's something counter-intuitive in your mind, you think, 'Well,
why would I do that? There's no benefit of rejection.' But you stop and ask.
What is the benefit?
Is it making you dig inside and discover that maybe they're rejecting you,
because you're not communicating in their values? Is it possible that the,
what you're doing,
you may be representing somebody in their life that you're reminding them of
that they're upset by? And you may not be aware of it, that's good to know that.
What is the benefit to you?
Is it making you more determined to stand up and become strong and determined in
some other area of your life? Is it making you more of an entrepreneur?
Is it making you tougher and break the addiction to people always supposed to
support you? What's the benefit? That's what you want to ask first.
And you want to stack up enough benefits until you actually neutralize the hurt.
And all of a sudden you actually kind of go, 'Oh,
they're actually helping me.' Then the next question you want to ask is,
if they had not done that, what would be the drawback?
Because you have an assumption that if they were nice to you and accepting of
you and nice to you, that way, that life would be somehow better.
But actually people that support you and are accepting of you can keep you stuck
and not push you to grow. In fact, if you had nothing but support,
you could become, juveniley dependent on people.
The challenge and the rejection makes you more independent, makes you stronger.
So you want to ask,
if all of a sudden they were the way I hoped they'd have been,
what would have been the drawback to me,
if they didn't reject me and they only accepted me?
Because you may be addicted to that acceptance and that may be keeping you
stuck. So by looking at that rejection,
it may help you understand that maybe that's catalyzed more of an autonomy in
your life and more independent thinking. And then you also want to do this.
And this is something that you've probably never thought about,
but something I've used in the Breakthrough Experience program that I teach
around the world, it's amazing, and that is, at the very moment,
I mean the exact moment when somebody was rejecting you,
look for who is accepting and admiring you.
If somebody's putting you down and rejecting you,
somebody's lifting you up and humble to you and supporting you and accepting
you. You may not see it immediately in that same room, but it may be at work,
it may be your social life, it may be your family,
it may be somebody you've got as a secret boyfriend or girlfriend,
maybe somebody walking down the street. But there's somebody synchronous.
Life is always having a pair of opposites. When I was in my twenties,
I wrote a book called 'The Illusional Basis of Man's Health and Disease',
and when I was writing that book,
I was studying neurology and studying perceptions. And I discovered that,
at the exact moment we perceive things, in order to perceive things,
we have to have a pair of opposites, a pair of contrast.
Just like if you were in a room, that's nothing but white,
you can't see anything, or all back, you can't see anything.
But if you have black and white, you can distinguish things.
So every time you perceive things, there's always a pair of opposites.
So if you're perceiving somebody rejecting you,
you couldn't even perceive it unless there was somebody in your psyche at the
same moment, that's accepting you. And if you're addicted to that acceptance,
you'll draw into your life, the pair of opposites to break your addiction.
When the moment you see that there's two sides,
the whole thing just kind of dissolves. Now,
you could go another step further and you could ask, where have I done that?
Where have I rejected people?
And identify exactly where you've done the same thing that they've done.
And if you identify where and when you've done it,
and to the people you've done it to,
it'll calm down your judgment of them and realize that we're human beings.
When our values are challenged, we get rejecting. When our values are supported,
we get accepting. It's like nature, life.
And not having an unrealistic expectation of people,
always liking you all the time, accepting all the time.
You're going to have friends and foes.
You're going to have things of allies and enemies all your life,
support and challenge is part of the growth. In fact,
maximum growth occurs at the border of support and challenge,
acceptance and rejection in life.
And you will never rise to great leadership in your life and do extraordinary
things without both. So by training in that,
it may be preparing you for leadership. If for some reason,
the next time you're rejected, you forget what I said,
and you're having difficulty following what I just said.
My advice is to go back and listen to this again, until you really,
really get it, sink it in, or better yet come to the Breakthrough Experience,
where I show you how to handle rejection firsthand, and acceptance.
Because being addicted to acceptance is the very thing you may need the
rejection to break. And once you understand that,
the Breakthrough Experience shows you how to put it into context.
And one last thing before I go,
the only person that really hurts when they reject you,
is when you've put them on a pedestal and their opinion matters more about you
than your own.
Cause when you meet somebody that you don't really care about their opinion,
if they reject you, you go, Eh, whoopi do.
But if there's somebody that's really important to you and you gotta kind of
admiration or an infatuation with them and they reject you,
you really get crushed by it.
So as long as you got people on pedestals and their opinions matter more than
your own,
that may be the very lesson why that rejection is needed in your life to break
your infatuation with them and then set you free to be yourself again. So again,
if you're having difficulty with rejection, come to the Breakthrough Experience,
I promise you in that program,
I'll show you exactly how to deal with that so it doesn't have to run your life
and you can use it to your advantage to become a leader.
[Inaudible].