There's a lot you could say about this game, but I think the most significant thing is
that...this game somehow makes farts unfunny.
I didn't even think that was possible.
Somewhere, Stimpson J. Cat sheds
a tear.
Anyway, Orc Attack.
A game about farting orcs.
Or so you think.
Turns out it's more about button mashing and repetitive gameplay, which is kind of a bummer.
Choose an orc and take to the battlefield...hacking, slashing and farting your way through human
armies.
Mostly hacking and slashing, though.
Hacking and slashing.
*fart sound*
So there are two modes to choose from.
You can play Dirty, or you can do Magic.
You can have anything that you desire.
Actually, I'm not sure what the magic mode is about.
It seems to be basically the same game, but without the farts.
And when the game is subtitled Flatulent Rebellion...I mean, why even give 'em an option?
That's the problem with society.
We give people a no-fart option.
There are four orcs to choose from at the start, all of which play the same.
Which is to say, slowly and stiffly.
The exact opposite of a good fart, which should be fast and loose.
This is a fart that, like...sits there for a second, before it comes out.
And then you look ridiculous, because you're leaning to the left trying to give it space.
Speaking of ridiculous, check out this camera.
I guess that's the first big problem here.
The camera's just awful.
It's automatic, which really means it moves when it wants to.
It's, like, the least optimal camera for this game.
It's a headache during combat, and the worst part is...sometimes, you have to jump on lily
pads, right?
Do a little platforming?
Try doing that with this camera.
It's like holding in a Taco Bell fart.
No es posible, amigo.
I mentioned how repetitive the gameplay is, but seriously...weak attack, strong attack,
pick up loose items, level up between missions.
That's it.
And a lot of games manage to do that formula well, and make it fun.
For some reason, this game is never very much fun.
Maybe it's the slowness of it all, and the bad camera, and the way the humor completely
falls flat...okay, actually, I guess it's a lot of things.
Now, to be fair...this is definitely designed to be a multiplayer game.
You can team up online for four-player multiplayer, which is recommended.
Even repetitive gameplay can be fun with friends, especially when you're causing fart explosions
to kill vikings.
That's the thing that disappointed me the most, though.
There's a lot of potential for humor here, but the game never capitalizes on it.
It's never funny.
And again, I'm not even sure how that's possible.
How is Lord Poop not funny?
Orc Attack isn't a bad game, but it is standard to a fault.
And the slowness of the gameplay doesn't make the repetition much fun.
Playing online makes things more interesting, but especially alone...these orcs wear out
their welcome pretty quick.
Must be the smell.