For a long time our paradigm of sexual assault has been of a male perpetrator and female
victim and for good reason because historically rape has been a tool of female subjugation
and statistically women are likelier to be raped by a male perpetrator. That paradigm
also leaves out some important nuance. As I am reminded pretty much any time I talk
about on Stuff Mom Never Told You women, consent and sexual assault, someone raises their hand
to say hey it happens to men too. And you know what? They're right.
Fact number 1: Male sexual victimization happens more often than you might think. Laura Stemple
with UCLA's Health and Human Rights Law project analyzed five federal surveys in the United
States and the high rate of sexual victimization among men directly challenges our assumption
that men are only the perpetrators. Fact 2: Certain groups of men are at higher risk of
sexual assault. Male prisoners are to rape as well as coerced sex. When that happens
it's not counted in data of sexual assault among the general population which not only
diminishes the personhood of prisoners, but also would more accurately reflect how often
this happens. Fact 3: Sometimes women are the perpetrators. According to the CDC's 2010
National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 93.9% of men who reported being raped
also reported male perpetrators. However, when the CDC also asked about men who were
made to penetrate, 1 in 21 men reported that yes that that had happened to them and 79.2%
of those perpetrators were female. Similarly among men who reported being sexually coerced
over 83% of those perpetrators were also female. Remember friends consent is a two-way street.
Which leads us to fact number four, that researchers have found men are hesitant to report instances
of sexual victimization because they are ashamed, because they're scared they won't be taken
seriously. Because they're scared that it will threaten their very masculinity and manhood
because talking about paradigms, our prevailing paradigm of sex and gender is that men are
insatiable and they never wouldn't want it. Which when it comes to the realm of consent
we're in very dicey territory at that point. As much as we absolutely need to dismantle
the slut-shaming and victim-blaming and sexual double-standards that also leaves women often
in a double bind when it comes to reporting sexual assault, we also need to make sure
that men too have the ability to report and have their victimizations taken seriously.
Finally fact number 5: we probably need new or broader language to talk about sexual assault.
It wasn't even until 2012 that the FBI updated it's official definition of forcible rape
to remove the word female and effectively de-gender it. Statistics will change and experiences
will be illuminated when we focus on more penis-specific questions and scenarios. Bonus
fact: addressing the issue of male sexual victimization and yes the existence of female
perpetrators does not in any way not one iota diminish the need for our continued conversations
and focus and resources for female victims of sexual assault and male perpetrators and
ending that whole cycle as well. Our resources and our compassion in general should be neither
finite nor gender segregated. No one deserves to be assaulted, no one deserves to be coerced,
no one deserves harassment or unwanted sexual contact but everyone, everyone should have
access to resources and a pathway to healing. Full stop.