>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
NOW, YOU FOLKS WATCHING ON TV MIGHT BE INTERESTED TO KNOW THAT
BEFORE THE TAPING EVERY NIGHT, I PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
CHRIS GETHARD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: IT'S YOUR FOURTH TIME ON THE SHOW.
>> IT IS.
>> Stephen: FOURTH TIME'S A CHARM.
>> IS THAT WHAT THEY SAY?
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS TRUE, TWO DAYS AGO, I WAS WALKING DOWN BROADWAY IN
FRONT OF THIS VERY THEATER, BECAUSE I LIVE IN NEW YORK, I
JUST WALK AROUND LIKE EVERYBODY, AND THERE WAS A THRONG OF FANS
OF YOURS OUT FRONT.
>> Stephen: GETTING READY TO COME IN?
>> YEAH.
AND HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOUR SHOW AND LOVE YOU.
I WAS, LIKE, MAN, I HAVE BEEN ON THIS SHOW THREE TIMES, THEY'RE
GOING TO SAY I HAVE AN EGO AND STOP ME FOR SELFIES.
NO ONE DID.
I'M NOT SUCCESSFUL ANYONE REMEMBERS.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE A MOMENT OF, LIKE, SHOULD I SLOW
DOWN IF CASE THEY GET A LITTLE --
>> OR I WISH I HAD A HOODIE TO PULL UP SO NO ONE RECOGNIZES
ME -- >> Stephen: THEY'RE GOING TO
AFTER THIS.
STOP HIM EVERYWHERE HE GOES.
>> PLEASE!
PLEASE TAKE PICTURES OF ME WHILE I'M EATING IN RESTAURANTS.
THAT'S MY NEW THING.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK CALLED "LOSE WELL."
>> YES.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING A NEW BOOK.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S A MILESTONE.
ANY BOOK.
FIRST BOOK?
>> THIRD BOOK.
>> Stephen: THIRD BOOK.
EE, ONCE AGAIN, SUCCESSFUL ENOUGH TO WRITE THREE BOOKS, YOU
ONLY KNOW ABOUT ONE OF THEM, MY CAREER IN A NUTSHELL.
>> Stephen: I'M SURE I KNEW ABOUT THE OTHER TWO AT ONE
POINT.
>> SOUNDS LIKE THEY LANDED HARD WITH YOU.
>> Stephen: THEY SURE DID.
WHAT'S IT MEAN TO LOSE WELL?
>> LOSE WELL IS AN IDEA I LIVED AND DIED BY FOR YEARS.
A LOT OF FUNNY STORIES IN IT, BUT IT'S KIND OF MOTIVATIONAL.
I'VE JUST FOR MANY YEARS REALIZED THIS IDEA THAT I'VE HAD
WHEN WE SAT OUT WH WHEN WE'RE YO THAT WE CAN ONLY WIN OR LOSE,
AND THIS FALLACY THAT YOU HAVE TO FAIL TO GET GOOD AT ANYTHING,
BECAUSE TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT CHASING THEIR DREAM BECAUSE
THEY'RE SCARED TO LOSE.
THAT'S PART OF IT.
I'VE FAILED SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE AND ALL IT DID WAS MAKE ME
RED FOR ANY SUCCESS I'VE HAD.
IT'S A POSITIVE THING.
>> Stephen: I HAVE BEEN TOLD YOU HAVE A TATTOO.
>> I DO.
IT SAYS "LOSE WELL."
I PUT NO THOUGHT OR EFFORT INTO THIS TATTOO.
IT'S SIMPLE TYPE FACE.
>> Stephen: I LIKE IT.
YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE, LIKE -- YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF
REPRESENTATION OF THE IDEA OF LOSE WELL, BECAUSE I WENT FOR A
TATTOO AND IT'S KIND OF A BAD TATTOO.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT AT LEAST I WENT FOR IT.
>> Stephen: A LOVELY TATTOO.
IT'S THE SHOULDER I'VE GOT A QUESTION ABOUT.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: THEY WILL BE BULKED UP SOON BECAUSE YOU SAY,
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT SURPRISED ME IN HERE, IS YOU DO BRAZILIAN
JIU JITSU.
>> IT STARTED IN JAPAN, WENT TO BRAZIL AND TRANSFORMED INTO A
MORE LEVERAGED-BASED MARTIAL ART.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THE JIU JITSU?
>> OFF AND OWN 12 YEARS.
I'M STILL ONLY A BLUE BELT WHICH IS THE SECOND WORST BELT.
>> Stephen: HOW MANY BELTS?
FIVE.
WHITE, BLUE, PURPLE, BROWN, BLACK.
I HAVE BEEN STALLED OUT AT BLUE FOR THE BETTER PART OF TWO
DECADES.
>> Stephen: WHY?
WELL, IN THE BOOK, I TALK ABOUT, PHILOSOPHICALLY, I THINK
THAT, AS AN ARTIST, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THERE IS SOME
IMPOSSIBLE TASK IN YOUR LIFE, AND COMEDY IS STILL CHALLENGING
TO ME, BUT I HAVE BEEN DOING IT 18 YEARS SO IT'S EASIER THAN IT
USED TO, AND JIU JITSU IS A WAY TO KEEP THAT FEELING IN MY LIFE.
PLUS IT KEEPS YOUR MUSCLES BETTER.
BUT THERE IS THIS THING THAT I'M IRISH CATHOLIC, I HATE MYSELF
AND THINK I SHOULD BE BEATEN UP ALL THE TIME.
>> Stephen: IS THERE CROSSOVER BETWEEN THE COMEDY AND THE
JIU JITSU?
WHEN YOU GET YOUR AS KICKED, IS IT HILARIOUS TO OTHER PEOPLE?
>> YES.
IT DOESN'T HELP ME AS A COMEDIAN BUT IT'S FUNNY TO WATCH.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOU DOING BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU.
THAT'S YOU ON THE GROUND.
>> YEAH, I GO TO A WEIRD GYM IN THE BASEMENT, BARKLEY BEATS THE
HELL OUT OF ME.
EVERYBODY BEATS ME UP.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE VICIOUS.
YOU CAN IMAGINE IF THEY ATE MEAT HOW MEAN THEY WOULD BE.
>> HE IS AN EXTRAORDINARILY TOUGH VEGAN.
>> Stephen: YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN IN THIS
PHOTOGRAPH.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE LYING DOWN SAYING, WHEN
WILL THIS BE OVER!
>> I ENTERED A TOURNAMENT THREE WEEKENDS AGO AND WON A BRONZE
MEDAL.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU CAME IN THIRD?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD!
BEFORE YOU GUYS CLAPPED TOO HARD, THERE WERE ONLY THREE
PEOPLE IN MY DIVISION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AND THEY GIVE
YOU -- >> THEY DID.
MY WIFE BROUGHT A FOAM FINGER AND CHEERED FROM THE STANDS, AND
THEN RIGHT AFTER MY MATCH STARTS, SHE WAS, LIKE, OH, NO,
NO, NO -- BECAUSE I LATER FOUND OUT, I'M A 38-YEAR-OLD COMEDIAN.
THE GUY I FOUGHT IS A 31-YEAR-OLD PERSONAL TAPER WHO
IS ALSO AN EX-MARINE.
HIS WHOLE LIFE IS GETTING IN SHAPE AND KNOWING HOW TO KILL,
AND I FOUGHT HIM.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THE BOOK IS
PRESENTLY RANKED 28,260th IN BOOKS ON AMAZON RIGHT NOW.
>> THAT'S LOSING WELL!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THIS IS NUMBER 7.
THIS IS 28,260th.
I WANT TO COLBERT BUMP THIS THING.
I WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY OUT THERE IT'S REALLY GREAT BOOK,
REALLY FUNNY, JUST FOR THE JIU JITSU STORIES ALONE.
LET'S GET THIS INTO THE SINGLE DIGIT THOUSANDS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY?
CHECK ON THIS TOMORROW.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: WE'LL CHECK ON THIS TOMORROW.
I UNDERSTAND TWO DAYS AGO YOU ANNOUNCED YOU'RE HAVING A BABY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
FIRST BABY.
>> FIRST BABY.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT.
SMALL BUT RELENTLESS OPPONENTS.
"LOSE WELL" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
CHRIS GETHARD, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!