- People come up to me all the time
and ask me the same question over and over again.
"Will you marry me?" And another question they ask is
"Why don't you have kids?"
And I love kids, I really do.
I love babies, I love kids.
They're cute, they're funny, they're sweet,
but sometimes I'll see a picture it reminds me of why
I don't have kids, and it gave me an idea for a new segment
that I'm calling "Why I Don't Have Kids."
All right, this first one is from an Instagram account
called Kids Are the Worst.
[laughter]
Ugh.
That's a screwdriver in her hand,
and she just carved, "I love my dad,"
right into his car.
That's a sweet sentiment, it really is.
You should see what she did-- did you see what she did
for Mother's Day?
Mm. [laughter]
Yeah.
This next one was sent in by Kenny Roberts
from La Crescenta, California.
Oh.
But she's cute. She's part--
I think she's half-Italian, half-terrier.
By the way, both of those kids are up for immediate adoption.
This is from an Instagram account
called Moms Who Need Wine.
Well, first of all, don't all moms need wine?
I don't know.
This is what they posted.
[laughter]
Mm.
- Mm-mm. - No.
It truly sucks to be a little brother.
Nothing's gonna come out of there
no matter how much they do that.
This last one was sent in from Nikos Carly
from Studio City, California.
You know, who leaves kids with a bucket of paint?
"Mommy's gonna run out to the store now,
so here's some paint."
Ah, this is why I love that you have kids and I don't.