It all started in my hometown.
We had a pretty big house,
with about three floors all for ourselves.
My grandpa ran a school where my grandma worked as a teacher,
so between school hours
they tutored kids at home.
It was only 10 children at the very beginning,
but it quickly grew to over 150.
I was just three years old at the time,
so instead of learning like all the other older kids,
I just stared at them through the windows.
Then, one day,
I saw him.
A new student.
His name was Jonas.
We were close enough in age,
that we eventually started talking to each other.
We were just classmates at the start,
but soon we became really close.
He used to stay back even after all his friends left,
just to play with me.
He was fun, sweet,
but most of all he was really kind.
I don’t remember much since I was so young,
but I remember he was my best friend.
But then, one night,
my mom sat me down and told me something that would change all of that.
We were moving to another country.
I was too small to understand why we were moving,
but I knew I was about to lose my best friend.
The good thing was,
every summer vacation
we’d be back to visit my grandparents.
So, with luck,
I’d be able to see him at least once a year too.
This was how we caught up every year until I reached fifth grade,
and our family faced some money problems, and we just
couldn’t make it to visit my grandparents.
There was no way for him to know
I wouldn’t be back this year,
and I became scared that he would think I abandoned him and forget about me.
But eventually, it was me who forgot about him.
It had been three years since our last vacation,
and I was distracted by the new life and people that I had found.
Finally, when I was in 8th,
we went to meet my grandparents,
and I was so happy.
I changed a lot and became a more social person,
so I easily interacted with the kids of my age.
A few minutes later, I saw a guy who looked familiar.
I asked one of my friends who he was,
and she replied, "oh that’s Jonas.
Isn't he cute?
Girls in our school are head over heels for him."
Honestly, I stopped listening after she said the name “Jonas”,
because all these memories suddenly came flooding back.
I was shocked.
And, I remembered that he was the one.
The one that I forgot.
And, the flash of memories turned to guilt.
After that day, I kept dreaming about him, day and night.
All I wanted for the moment was to see him.
The next year, when I came back for my vacation,
there he was.
He hadn't changed one bit except he was taller,
and this time, he had love in his eyes.
We talked for hours and hours,
sharing stories with each other about our lives apart.
Time flew by so quickly,
and with two days left before I would leave Jonas again,
I decided I would confess.
So, the very next day,
I sat him down and told him,
“I know we’ve fallen distant, and
I don’t know if you feel the same way, but…
…I love you”
and then ran away.
The next day,
I was watching tutoring sessions, when I saw Jonas.
But, he didn't even look at me.
I was heartbroken and thought
maybe I was too forward with my feelings,
maybe he had lost interest after all those years apart.
Suddenly, I heard his voice from behind,
and he told me he had been waiting for the day when he’d finally be able to say,
“I love you too”,
and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.
I didn’t know what to do.
I skipped away, nearly falling over,
half laughing and half crying.
I could have stayed in that moment forever.
But, then I had to leave.
So, we said our goodbyes,
shared a hug that was long overdue,
and promised that we’d wait for each other.
The following year,
every day that passed felt slower and slower, as I missed him more and more.
I counted down the days until our vacation,
or really, until I could see him again.
And when the day finally came,
he came rushing to meet me.
I couldn’t hold my tears when I hugged him.
When I pulled back to see his face properly for the first time in a year,
he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, and I froze.
My heart was beating so fast.
There were a thousand butterflies in my stomach.
After spending many days together,
the day came when I had to leave again.
It had been almost exactly a year since he said the words “I love you”,
and although it didn’t feel like we had spent any time apart,
I wasn’t ready to leave him.
The night before my flight, sitting near a pond,
we talked about the next time we’d see each other,
maybe in a year, but
maybe a lot later.
My eyes swelled, and jokingly said,
“maybe you could come visit me.”
And before I knew it,
he held my face in his hands, and gently pressed his lips against mine.
And that was it,
my very first kiss with my first love.
It was the happiest and saddest night of my life.
And that’s what keeps me positive,
despite my family’s problems and symptoms of depression,
knowing that he’s there for me despite being a thousand miles away
is what helps me get through all the hard times.
I’m one of the lucky ones
whose first love has worked out,
but it doesn’t have to be a boy, just having someone,
something you love to hold onto
is what’s important.