- How many of you are on Tinder?
[cheers and applause]
Good for you for getting it started, sir,
because so many people were scared to say it,
and then you encouraged them, and then they,
"Oh, yeah, then me, too."
How about Cupid, OKCupid?
All right, Match.com?
Hinge? Hinge, Bumble?
- Yeah! - Coffee meets bagel?
Grindr?
All right, well, there are a lot of ways
to meet people online these days.
I've never used any of them, but for all of you young people
out there, you won't believe this,
but in the past, to start a relationship,
you had to talk to someone in person.
For a while.
And you'd have something called a conversation.
And when someone rejected you,
the would reject you in person.
You could actually see their expression.
You would know what that means.
Kids, you call it an emoji, we call it a face.
[cheers and applause]
But since it's so much easier to date online,
I think people have gotten lazier and lazier
and pick-up lines have gotten worse and worse,
and I know this from all the research I've done,
and by research, I mean I found an Instagram account
called Tinder Nightmares.
And since Tinder is a place where you can find true love,
sometimes twice in one night,
- Yeah!
- This section over here is crazy.
All right, I want to help you people out,
so I thought we could take a look
at some Tinder pick-up lines that didn't go well
and learn from their mistakes.
So this one is from Kevin, and his first text
is at 3:30 in the morning.
"Hey, what's up?"
And then, "Hey, what's up?"
"Hey, what's up?"
All right.
Then at 3:46, he texted, "Hey, what's up?"
He's persistent, that Kevin.
This next one is from Luke,
and, "Yogurt, cereal, soup,
Sidney from Tinder, these are all the things I want to spoon."
And then, "My name's Sarah.
"Did you copy and paste that from a conversation you had
with a girl named Sidney and forget to change the name?"
"Well, this is awkward."
All right, here's a line no one would ever say in person.
"I heard you like whales,
so do you want to go humpback at my place?"
Come on, America, we can do better.
This next one starts off sweet,
It's, "Gosh, you are beautiful,
"but I'm not looking for anything,
Just trying to make friends."
"Well, thanks, and that's okay."
"I'm not looking for anything either.
"Just want to meet new people, and if it goes somewhere, cool.
If not, a new friend."
And then, "Sex?"
And then, sex?
All right, we have time for one more, right?
Mary? Andy? One more.
All right, this is, "Do you work at Subway?"
And then, "This better not be a footlong joke."
"Crap."
It was.
It was a footlong joke.
To see another 12 million examples
of what not to do on Tinder,
check out Tindernightmales-- nightmares
or you could join Tinder.
And now, here's a pick-up line that seems to work all the time.
It's, "Let's dance."