What now? Oh, hey.
How's it going? Um... This is a compromising position, but hi.
Uh, welcome to this video, I-I-I guess this is gonna be the beginning of the video.
It doesn't make a lot of sense now, but it will? Question mark?
Ethan: So Mark, what are we doing?
Mark: Again like I said before, I have no idea what we're doing here.
But, uh... Thankfully my pony's inflating!
So that's awfully nice.
Ethan: Is that a euphemism for something?
Mark: When isn't it a euphemism?
Look at the god damn size of this thing!
If this thing isn't a euphemism, I don't know what is.
Tyler: That's my forearm. Mark: Hell yeah. [Laughing]
Tyler: That's my cooock.
[Laughing]
Mark: Good god man, subtlety has gone out the window for you.
You've changed Tyler. [Laughing]
Tyler: I've changed so much.
Mark: You've changed.
Tyler: Get out of my room, Mom! Ethan: Get out of my nest.
Tyler: Shut up!
Shut up!
Mark: Somewhere lurking dark in the forest, there's a deer man.
Tyler: You still have a sticker on you.
Mark: Shit.
[Laughing]
I just wanted everyone to know about my new inside pocket.
It's called my butthole.
[Shaking trees]
Uh, where's my butthole?
Wait, no, where's the deer man? [Ethan laughs]
Ethan: What's bigger: your dick or your ego?
Mark: Dick.
[Laughing]
My dick, it's my dick guys. It's my dick.
Tyler: Tiny dick.
Tiny dick.
Tiny cock.
Ethan: That's a nice tail.
Mark: Come over here, boy. Come here big boy!
C'mon- No, NO! [Laughing]
No big boy!
Noooo big boy!
[Laughing] God, no.
They said it was ok! After Halloween, it counts! It counts!
EEEUUAAAGGGHHH!!!!!!!
Tyler: Gobble gobble, BITCH!
[Mark making struggling noises]
Mark: He's stuffing me!
With his turkey penis.
[Laughing]
Tyler: Who do you want to kill first?
Mark: Uh... I guess Ethan.
Mark: Man, uh. Blue. Blue hair, blue eyes.
[Laughing] Stop laughing.
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
You are gay. You're gay, you're a lot of gay.
Like all of this is pretty gay.
I mean, I'm into gay.
but this is jus- Ethan: [Laughing] I'm into gay!?
[both laugh]
Ethan: Leave us alone!
Mark: Don't look.
Fan: Get a room!
Ethan: Stop moving.
There. The insertion.
Mark: Nice.
Well did.
Ethan: Hi.
Mark: You can't see shit.
Ethan: Nope. [Laughs]
Mark: Did somebody say John Mayer?
Ethan: [Gasp] John Mayer? Tyler: John Mayer?!
Ethan: Your body is a wonderland.
[Laughing] Mark: You suddenly realize you're lesbians.
[moaning]
Ladies...
Tyler: (Strange moans) Ethan: (In deep voice) MY TITS.
Mark: Alright... Nice pole dancing skills.
Tyler: Pit dry.
Tyler: Pit dry! Mark: Oh.
Oh, okay...
Tyler: 'Cause of... heat!
Ethan: I've never been to Taco Bell.
Mark: WHAT?!
Ethan: Yup, it's my first time eating Taco Bell. Mark: WHAT??
[Laughing] Ethan: Wow! Look at that giant cock!
Mark: You do know you're twenty, right? You can stop going through puberty at any time.
Ethan: I started? [Laughing]
Mark: Yes, you roast yourself.
Ethan: Keep going...
Make it meaner! Mark: Alright.
Wow! I can't believe there's an other human that's shorter than I am.
Oh, this one's mean.
Ethan: Oh no!
Mark: So, you're a former gymnast? Oh.
So you failed that, and then decided to fail at Youtube.
Ethan: (Sniffles) aww..
Mark: [Laughs] I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
I'm sorry!
Tyler: [Burps] I just burped.
Mark: [Laughs]
Tyler: There's no music, Ethan.
Ethan: So? There's music in my heart.
[Fire alarm beeping]
Mark: Alright, so, um... As you can hear by the sound, we just ran into a problem.
Uh...
Oh! Peaceful silence. What a wonderful sound.
God, this wasn't on auto white balance the whole time, guys.
Ethan: Oh God. Tyler: Really?
Mark: [Sighs] Okay, so...
We survived the onslaught, and we got a cool shot, which is really what matters. Right guys?
Tyler: ONE cool shot...
Mark: One cool shot is all we need! Ethan: One cool shot.
[Fire alarm starts beeping again] Mark: FUUUCK! Ethan: Here we go again!
Mark: Hey, hey! It's the fucking party room!
Oh, shi-i-i-i-it. All the neighbours are gonna be fucking pissed.
Oh! You done? You done, ya- ya- you cunk? You uncle cunkle? You piece of cunk.
Ya fucking bullshit take-the-batteries-out-and-it-doesn't-fucking-stop ya piece of-
[Static]
[Upbeat flute music]
[Laughing] Mark: I'm-I-I'm not looking at you guys at all.
I was just like, "What the fuck is this shit?"
Bob: Mark, you're just sliding your frog. Mark: I'm-I'm literally done.
I am 100% done at that moment.
[Laughing]
Recorded Mark: Right, I'm gonna present this option: fucking bail on this game.
It's hard to watch, it's hard to play. No one's gonna watch this.
Recorded Bob: Wait, but look at this guy!
Mark: [Laughs] Bob: But look at this guy.
Mark: That was your justification for the redemption of this game?
Bob: Look how upset you are that we're not listening to you.
Mark: I know. [Laughs]
Wait, wait... here... the face...
There! There it is! There it is!
Also, I must admit, this is the most meta thing: us watching us play this- the precut version.
[Static]
Ethan: [Humming]
Wade: Rubbing my chest with a whiteboard, but it's the wrong side it's kinda gray.
And it's got wood- Mark: Just stop!
Ethan: Ooooh! It's okay!
Crowd: [Cooing noises] Mark: Careful! Everybody watch out. Watch out- watch out, we got pupples.
Wade: [Arnold Schwarzenneger noise]
Mark: Hello. Fan: Hi! Mark: Hi. Line up! On the wall.
Wade: Ha ha ha [imitating Mark] Hi, nice to meet you. Line up!
Bob: Yeah it's dodge ball! It's dodge ball! Oh, hype. Oh, dodg- Ethan: Oh, attack. I'm being attacked. Oh...
Ethan: Oh no! Oh, what a man! Woah! Bob: Woah!
Ethan: Eh, bleh! Oh boy!
We can do like a cool... a nice first person.
Wade: That's a ball.
Pretend you're throwing it at me, I will dodge.
Bob: It's the ball.
What a great shot.
Homerun?
*In background* Fan: Oh boy... Watch out!
Wade: Ahhhhhh!!
My weakness!
Tell my Mom... I told you so. [grunt]
[Ethan laughs] Ethan: Why would you stand up when you die?
Ethan: You're like- Wade: Because that's how people die, Ethan! Haven't you ever seen Comedy Central?
So to be a professional athlete you got to drink lots of moo-moo-milk,
and by moo-moo-milk I mean chocolate milk,
and by chocolate milk I mean water,
and by water I mean Gatorade. Non-brand name of course.
See ya on the field.
Tyler: No, not you.
[Laughing] Wade: I dodged you too... I was like "Nope."
But then you did "nope" too, so it was like a double burn, but then you beat me to the words.
So then I just look like the idiot
Ethan: Do it. Do it! Bob: No, I don't want to smell you on camera...
Ethan: Do it!! [Laughing]
Bob, do it!
Wade: Hold on, hold on! What if you smell him while I smell you?
Ethan: Yeah. Bob: Ok.
Fan: And then Tyler smells everybody.
Wade: Can I smell from the front?
Bob: No, you smell from the side-behind. Wade: Okay.
Bob: You ready? Wade: Yeah!
[Sniffs] Ethan: That's fine.
Woah... [Laughter]
Bob: Tyler, that's messed up.
Why'd you do that? High five.
High five for being yourself, Tyler.
Ethan: You fancy a date with me?
Oh, stop it! You're too much.
GOOOOOOOOSE!!!
Woooooah!
Tyler: Hey Ethan...
Ethan: Yesh? Tyler: What do you think?
Ethan: I don't know, I think geese are lovely creatures.
I'd own a goose if I could! But, you know...
There's that goose law: only one goose per household. And...
My Mama's already got one.
I can't have one of my own, so...
Well maybe if the law changes I can get my own goose, but
until then I'll just have to take care of Mama's goose.
Mark: Suh-Suh Dude...
Cathryn: Suh Dude. Amy: Suh Dude.
Both: Oh, Oh, Oh
Fuck... Classic!
Mark: I don't like this...
You guys need to calm the fuck down. Amy: Hey, hey...
Cathryn: Oh!
Mark: Hello!
Oh!
I am the one, the one, the way to turn
the way the dun [Utter nonsense]
Ethan: Up on the streets, pah!
Uhh, turkey...
Right foot red. Tyler: Yeah!
Ah!
[Laughter]
Mark: Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier, and welcome to the 12 Days of Christmas
We've got 12 days of fun coming at you very soon!
It's going to be a good time, and everyone's gon-AH!
[Laughter]
Ethan: Mark, right foot, green!
Mark: It's already there, you idiot!
Ethan: Well put it on a different one!
[Mark grunts] Ethan: Oh, nooo!!
[Loud bang]
Tyler: Gobble, gobble, gobble!
[Burner clicks] Mark: Oh jeez...
Oh, ho, ho!
Ethan: Okay, that's a fire.
[Click, click]
Mark: Nice!
Ethan: Me, Wolverine. Left foot.
Mark: T, Tyler.
[Laughter] Mark: Left foot Tyler.
Mark: Put it in him! [More laughter]
Tyler: Oh, God!
His foot's in my face!
Mark: OH!
Mark: OOOF! [Laughter]
Ethan: It definitely popped it... [Mark giggles]
It fucking popped it.
Yup, look at the fucking wing!
Ethan: Look at the wing! [Laughs] Mark: Ohhh, oh jeez.
Ethan: It's completely destroyed. Amy: You can climb in it for warmth now.
Ethan: OH WAIT!
Ethan: Friendship makes for warm winters and- [Laughing]
Tyler: Wuh-Wuh No! I love it! I love it!
Mark: Ahhh! [Gun clicks]
[Swan slides]
[laughter]
[Eggs re-crack]
Tyler: Why is this one not breaking at all!?
[Laughter]
[Egg crack]
I'm pre-breaking mine a little bit because-
[Egg crack]
Ethan: Fucking Jesus, dude! [Laughing]
Mark: Tyyyyylerrrrr...
Tylerrrrr!
Tyyyyyler.
Tyler! [Laughs]
Ethan: It's literally the whole reason we didn't throw them...
Tyler: I knoooow! Ethan: So we wouldn't get shit on the wall!
Tyler: But like... These were not breaki-
Mark: [Imitates Tyler] I can't control my strength!
[Mark whimpers] Ethan: Please.
Put it in your mouth. [whimper]
Amy: Salmonella... [Eggs crack]
Tyler: OHHHHH!!!
Ethan: You didn't have to do that, Mark...
You did not have to do that.
Mark: Oh boy, that's really-
Ethan: That's really gross!
Uck, that is gross!
It's so thick... It's so thick and... thick and... creamy.
Ooooh...
Straight from Tyler's bosom. [Laughs]
[Ethan hums intro]
[Laughs]
[More humming]
Mark: Ho Ho Ho! It's time for Christmas.
Get ready, boys and girls! 'Cause Santa's comin' for ya
right about now.
You feel comfortable? Ethan: You feel- you feel- I don't like that...
Mark: You don't like that? Ethan: No...
Mark: Santa likes that...
Sorry, my voice is a little gravelly.
I'm still a little sick,
but I have taken four different kypes of cold medicine.
Kypes? Oh god...
Sorry, my voice may be a little bit gravelly,
but I've pital- [Blows raspberries]
That was a mulligan, I'm going to warm-up on it. Hang on.
Let me stunt on it.
There we go.
Alright, ready? How's my hair?
Good? Bad? Ethan: Mhm, always bad.
Mark: Always bad, as it should be.
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier!
And welcome to the Egg Nog...
Wow...
Let's try that again, shall we? [Ethan laughs]
Ethan: I could not... I thought you were going to do the
intro and then be like hoo- Mark: Yeah.
Well, be ready, you know?
I could do anything!
Anything! [Ethan gasps] At any time!
Ethan: Noooo! Mark: Move around a bit.
Alright, how's my hair? Did it get messed up?
Yes it did.
Alright, cool.
I need a haircut real bad.
Hello- Whu? [Ethan laughs]
Whu?
Yuh-Yeah? Tyler: No, you screwed it up.
Mark: Fix it for me. Ethan: Let the stylist come in.
Mark: Flying in the stylist!
I can still see where the wax took of your hair
on your leg... Ethan: Yeah, I know... [Laughter]
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and
welcome to the Egg Nog Ice Bath- No!
Not that time!
Nooo!! Ethan: You pointed!
Mark: I was just- y-you'll know!
You'll know!
Ethan: Okaaay... Mark: Alright, got this?
We'r- we're a team.
I love you, Ethan. Ethan: Aww.
No, no harm meant. It's all just a goof and a gaff.
Aww... Ethan: Aww, nice little noogies, Tyler!
Aww huh uh. Mark: Aww, look at that noog.
Alright. Cool. We have fun here.
Alright, so right now I'm going to Twitter,
and I'm gonna ask you guys Twitter Christmas --Twitter Christmas
cwistmas twistmas [Jumble of words]
[inhale]
[more inhale]
What?
Ethan: It's too late now. Mark: Oh Jesus.
[Laughing]
Ethan: Oh no!
Mark: Whoops... Ethan: Oopsies! Mark:Woopsies!
Ethan: You goofed a little bit. Mark: Whoopsies.
Ethan: A good holiday goof!
Tyler: Alright, I'm saving one for one when-when you
get in there, you're going to drink out of it
and pour it down yourself.
Mark: I don't want to do that. Tyler: You sure?
Mark: You really want me to pour it down myself... Tyler: I really want you to
Tyler: pour it down yourself. Mark: Why do you want me to pour it down
myself so much? Ethan: Hashtag Sexy Mark...
Mark: That was pancake batter, that's very different.
The holidays are sacred.
Sacred.
Cut to me ejaculating the egg nog... [Laughing]
[Tyler, Mark, and Ethan grunting sexually]
You know, this- it's just kind of one of those weird skills
where you realize you're getting better as time goes on,
and you feel like, "When will I ever
do this in the future?
Why am I good at this?"
Ethan: I'm really good at opening hot chocolate packets.
Tyler: And pouring them in the bathtub. Alright.
You like my slippers? Mark: Those are nice shoes dude.
Nice shoes.
Those are some sweet kicks, where'd you get those?
Tyler: They're sw- Mark: Where'd you get those kicks?
Tyler: I got em from the Swiss Alps! Mark: Ohhh...
Amy: Also, do we need a big spoon?
Mark: That's what these are for, baby. These are my spoons.
Amy: Hold on, I missed that. Mark: I call these my spoons.
For stirring.
Yeah, Boom! Boom!
Spoon!
Spush- Spoon!
Amy: My spoony. Mark: Spoon! Spoon!
My spoony. Tyler: Spoon!
Both: Spoon. Spoon.
Tyler: No, spoon! Mark: Spoon
Both: Uh, spoon. Spoon.
Mark: What do you have to say about that?
Fan: That was amazing.
Mark: I know, right? You?
Fan 2: Amazing.
Mark: Nice!
Me? It was alright...
[Laughing] Ethan: Lackluster.
Whole Car: Buh-Bye!
Tyler: Why did we- Mark: I dunno...