- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Are you having trouble deciding if your friend
is a real friend?
What do you mean by real? You may ask.
Well, I'm talking about a friend
who has your best interests at heart.
A friend who is genuine with you and not sneaky.
If you've had a friend for a while and you feel unhappy
or that something's just off, it may be signed for you
to take a moment to determine whether or not this friend
is a true pal or a toxic one.
Here are six signs they're not your real friend.
Number one, they don't show interest
or ask about the details of your life.
How much interest does your friend show in your life?
Do they ask you how your day was?
If they do, do they actually listen
or look like they can't wait until they can talk next?
A genuine friend is just that, genuine.
So if they ask how you are, it may be polite at first
but if you have something to say,
they'll be sure to listen and show support.
They care about you and simply wanna get to know you better.
Here's to hoping you show as much support and care
towards them too.
Number two, they're not reliable
and they're not there when you need them the most.
Friends are there for you,
especially when you're having a hard time.
If your friend can't stop talking about themselves
and their problems while not considering your own,
then they're likely not a real friend.
You may be actively listening to all of their worries
and tough situations.
I had to take the garbage out today.
There were so many dishes piled up and they smelled so bad.
Jason never called me back.
My ferret died.
Okay, the last one was pretty bad.
So I mean, be there for them but if one day
it's then your turn to talk about your worries
and all they do is interrupt with a quick, oh, I gotta go.
Or they don't even bother to ask,
don't even bother with them
unless this is an uncommon occurrence with them
and they're going through something.
They're likely placing all their negative energy on you
and taking all of your positive
while not bothering to give back.
If you still wanna be friends and since there is something
else going on, bring up your concerns with them,
mention that they haven't been there for you
as much as you'd counted on.
If they still won't listen,
it's likely you're in a toxic relationship.
Number three, they're extremely critical of you.
Some fake friends can be extremely critical
of their friends.
Remember, your buddy shouldn't be your biggest critic.
They should be your biggest fan.
Some friends can offer constructive criticism
because they want the best for you
and wanna see you improve.
They're honest but they'll likely do so
in a kind friendly way if they are a good friend.
If your pal is toxic, they'll probably just shame you
rather than provide helpful critiques.
If they're a good friend, they may just give a kind dose
of honesty and advice.
Number four, if they say sorry,
their apologies don't sound genuine.
Does your friends say sorry when they're wrong?
No? Oh-oh.
What about when they do, do they sound genuine?
No? Double oh-oh.
If your friend is one to ignore your friendship concerns
with a look of meh,
then they're likely not a genuine friend.
If your friend does apologize when they're wrong
but it's along the lines of this,
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Then they're not taking accountability
for their harmful actions and owning up
to what they've done.
Good friends can admit when they're wrong.
They'll then try to work on correcting any negative behavior
that affects their friendship.
So do you do the same?
Number five, they keep score on how many times
you wrong them.
Does your friend hold a grudge?
Do you hold a grudge towards them?
Toxic friendships often involve one or both of the friends
involved keeping score of mistakes the other has made.
When you do something that upsets them again
or maybe you're in an argument,
they'll bring up all the disappointments and negative things
you've said or done.
Arguments can get out of hand sometimes
but a toxic friend will tend to bring up
the toxic scoreboard only when they're confronted
with their wrongs.
They'll use all the times you did something similar
as a means of not having to apologize or take accountability
for what they've done wrong.
A good friend is honest and listens to the concerns
of their buddy.
While everyone can argue,
a healthy friendship is filled with healthy
constructive discussions rather than toxic fights.
So if your friend is acting a bit harmful towards you,
how will you bring up the issue?
Best to do so by having a healthy, open discussion
so things don't escalate.
If they still don't budge, then you'll have to decide
if they're really a good friend or not.
And number six, they play on your insecurities
and make you feel unhappy.
Do you feel unhappy around your friend?
Insecure?
You don't need to feel your most joyful self
when around your friend, that's normal.
And there can be times where you feel nervous or unhappy
as well from time to time.
But if your friend makes you feel bad about yourself
then this could be another sign
you're in a toxic relationship.
You shouldn't always feel on edge around your friend,
afraid of their next criticism or harsh words.
Maybe they make snide remarks or always hold themselves
in higher regards to you.
A toxic friend may play on your insecurities
to make themselves feel better.
Both needs should be met in a friendship without hurting
the others' feelings or making them feel unhappy.
Take note of how you feel after each interaction with them.
Next time you hang out with them,
you may have had a few fun moments but do you come home
feeling discouraged, humiliated or insecure?
Is this because of something they frequently say or do?
If so, it may just be that you have a toxic friend.
So do you see any of these signs in your friendships?
It's best to either openly discuss these concerns with them
or think about letting them go as a friend.
Do you see these signs in yourself?
If so, know that change is possible.
Work towards correcting any negative behavior
you recognize in yourself.
It may just be a small step you have to take first.
Then when you recognize and genuinely apologize
for your wrongdoing, your friendship may have a good chance
to get back on track.
Sooner or later, you may get back to a real friendship.
We hope you enjoyed this video and if you did,
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As always, thanks for watching.