Is your ex acting strangely? Does it feel like they want you one minute, and the next
they’re nowhere to be found? Is it impossible to tell their true intentions?
Well then chances are your ex is playing mind games. In this video I’ll cover what it
looks like when your ex is playing mind games, why they do it, and what you should do next
if you want them back.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, aka Breakup Brad, aka the Ex Back Geek. I’ve helped tens of
thousands of people all around the world get a second chance with their exes using simple
psychology, and I can help you too. So while you’re here, please hit that subscribe button
and like this video.
Let’s get into it. First off, what does it mean for your ex to play mind games? Well
typically your ex is manipulating your emotions through subtle (or not so subtle) actions
that they hope will elicit some sort of response in you. We’ll talk about WHY they do it
in just a moment, but first, let’s talk about what it looks like. There are actually
five different ways they may do this.
1. Trying to elicit jealousy
The most common example, or at least the easiest to spot, is trying to make you jealous by
being flirty or romantic to someone else in a way that’s very clearly directed at you.
So maybe your ex is posting all about their new relationship on social media, specifically
to get back at you and make you feel bad, even though you only broke up two weeks ago.
Or maybe they’re talking to mutual friends all about how their new partner is so much
better than you. Things like that.
This can be difficult to tell apart from an ex who is genuinely moving on with their life.
But if you and your ex still talk regularly and you get a vibe that they miss you and
can’t stay away, then doing things like this is probably their way of playing mind
games with you. It’s also a sign of bitterness about the breakup. So if you ended things,
or did something hurtful like cheated on them or lied to them, then they may be trying to
make you jealous in order to get back at you in some way.
2. Crossing boundaries
After a breakup, it’s normal and necessary for you two to put up some boundaries about
how you interact. For example, you’re probably going to stop saying goodnight to one another,
asking them how their day was and things like that. But a common mindgame an ex will play
is to act like nothing has changed and insist that you still maintain the kind of closeness
you had when you were dating.
They’ll get upset when you refuse to stay friends, when you don’t answer their texts,
and when you treat them like an ex rather than something more. This is common for exes
who didn’t have great boundaries to begin with, if they didn’t respect your privacy
and independence while you were dating and they always insisted on closeness no matter
what. Exes like this can be extremely difficult to deal with. They’ll drop by unannounced,
blow up your phone and just generally treat you like you’re still their partner when
you’re clearly not.
There are even cases of exes who will “accidentally” run into you somewhere in order to get your
attention. Scary stuff.
3. Contacting your friends and family
Obviously a lot of breakups include mutual friends and that can be tough to navigate.
But if it seems like your ex is messaging people just to get your attention then they
probably are. This can include things like flirting, or spreading rumors and lies. They
might even go as far as contacting your family, asking about you or even using them to get
in touch with you.
Exes who do this are seriously trying to get a reaction from you but don’t fall for it.
Stay strong and continue to focus on yourself rather than getting drawn into their BS.
4. Sending cruel or manipulative messages
If your ex does this then they’re going for the direct approach. This can include
things like texting you suggestively late at night, and then pulling away. It can also
be straight up cruel messages like “you’ll never find someone as good as me” or “I
hope you’re happy being all alone.”
Or perhaps your ex will “accidentally” send you a message that’s meant for someone
else and follows it up with “oops, wrong person” just to get you wondering who they
thought they were messaging.
This is truly desperate and can be truly hurtful for those of you on the receiving end. If
you get a message like this, it can make you seriously reconsider whether or not you want
to waste any more time on this person.
5. Playing the victim on social media
It’s pretty common for someone to post sad song lyrics or something after a breakup.
But they may take it a step further and share posts about toxic or abusive relationships,
to imply that you mistreated them. It’s one thing to try to heal and move past a negative
relationship but posting about it online is almost always to send a message to one particular
person.
If you’re still not sure if your ex is playing mind games, look at their past behavior. If
they were manipulative during your relationship then there’s a good chance that they won’t
stop just because you’ve broken up.
Now let’s talk about WHY your ex is playing mind games with you after the breakup. The
number one reason that an ex will do this, is actually a good one, if you’re hoping
for a second chance that is. They’re playing mind games because they're not sure what they
want, they feel conflicted about the breakup and they’re considering taking you back.
You might wish they’d just come to you and tell you how they feel, but since they’re
so conflicted, it would make sense that they’re displaying some hot and cold behavior towards
you.
Another big reason that your ex might be playing mind games with you is because they miss having
control. Manipulative people want to control the people around them. If you escape their
grasp by moving on with your life, they won't like that. That’s why they’ll drag you
right back into their orbit by doing stuff like this, while never fully letting you get
as close to them as you’d like. Their goal isn’t to get you back but to keep you off
balance, confused and to make sure that they can still dominate you even after you two
have broken up. Now I’m not a doctor but a person like this would be better off seeking
the help of a psychologist. This isn’t necessarily a great sign for your chances but it’s something
that you need to be aware of if you’re wondering what your next move is.
There are also exes who will play mind games in order to get back at you for mistakes you
may have made during the relationship. So if you cheated on them, lied to them, or otherwise
mistreated them then they see this as a way of getting back at you without doing any real
harm. They may do things like string you along for weeks and then disappear completely or
act interested, only to make fun of you behind your back.
Then there are exes that will play mind games with you because they genuinely want you to
take notice and try to win them back. This is an immature approach but it’s also a
common one. Exes like this want you to “fight for them” so rather than just admitting
that they made a mistake, they’ll need you to take action and win them back so that they
don’t lose face.
And the worst thing about manipulative exes is that they may be in any or all of these
categories AND their motivations may change from day to day without you even knowing.
There are a lot of complicated feelings that come after a breakup. There’s a good chance
that they still love you, hate you, resent you, and feel an overwhelming need for your
approval all at the same time.
So what should you do next if you want your ex back and you want the mind games to stop?
Well first, since this situation is so volatile, you’ll need to proceed with caution.
Whatever you do, don’t engage with their manipulative behaviour. While it may allow
you to get closer to them, giving into their mind games will not make it any easier to
get them back. In fact, it will actually make you less desirable to them in the long run.
Because, while they may want you to get jealous, angry or upset at their behaviour, doing so
will change the balance of power in the relationship. If they know they can easily get a rise out
of you through these mind games then they’ll subconsciously lose respect for you and see
you as less valuable.
And above all else, you want to be in control of the situation rather than reacting to what
they’re doing. Getting an ex back is about being in control and staying proactive.
If you’re struggling with a manipulative ex who is making your breakup feel impossible,
consider signing up for my coaching service. I’ve helped in thousands of situations like
yours and I know exactly how to handle exes who play mind games. So head on over to BreakupBrad.com/Coaching
after this video is over and see if I have any slots available so we can get this sorted.
That’s BreakupBrad.com/Coaching
With that in mind, I recommend avoiding this mess by getting a clean break from your ex.
It may be a difficult step to take but it’s a necessary one. You see, if you stay in regular
contact with your ex, neither of you really have time to grieve the relationship and process
what went wrong. And this is especially true in situations where your ex is playing mind
games with you. Since you and your ex are, essentially, still playing out the old conflicts
in your relationship even now, without any of the benefits of closeness and intimacy
that you once had.
That’s why I recommend No Contact to everyone in your situation. This means taking a full,
30 day break from interacting with your ex IN ANY WAY. In fact, if your ex is really
playing mind games then I might extend this to 40 or 50 days. This may seem extreme but
it’s completely necessary for just about anyone after a breakup--even more so if your
ex is manipulating your emotions--because it allows you both time and space to miss
one another.
The thing about No Contact is that it’s like going cold turkey for your relationship.
While this will be hard for you, it will be even more difficult for your ex since they’ll
realize that they did this to themselves. This time apart will maximize their sadness
and make them wonder if they may have missed their one chance at happiness. And beyond
that, this time away from the negative cycle will allow any bad feelings they had surrounding
the breakup to fade away.
So that’s why you need to start No Contact right now. Stop texting your ex back, watching
their instagram stories, talking on the phone or communicating in any way.
Given that your ex is trying to manipulate you, this could be a bit more difficult than
a normal case where your ex respects your boundaries. They may go to extreme lengths
to avoid No Contact like pretending to be in serious trouble, or reaching out to your
friends and family to try to get in contact with you.
So I’m going to be very direct here: resist the urge to talk to your ex unless it’s
a life or death situation. And, unless you’re a paramedic, there are very few situations
where your ex will need that kind of help, right?
I know, it’s flattering to have someone who is so invested in you that they’re willing
to act crazy to get your attention but this isn’t love, it’s manipulation. And remember,
by giving into them, you’re actually making it more difficult to get back together, not
easier.
And if you’re watching this video, I’m guessing your ex won’t respond well to you
suddenly breaking all contact. If your ex won’t leave you alone, and you feel it would
help, don’t be afraid to make it clear to your ex that you’re trying to move on and
that, while you care about them, you don’t think being in contact right now is going
to be good for you. Don’t get drawn into a fight about this. Simply be clear and firm
with your intention to cut off contact.
Now that you’ve ripped off the bandaid, spend this 30 days focusing on yourself and
not on your ex. I always recommend that my clients set goals during this time and take
tangible steps towards achieving them. You’ll be surprised how big an effect this can have
on your outlook following a breakup. You see, it’s easy to get stuck in your head following
a breakup, wondering what went wrong and what you could have done differently. By shifting
your focus off the past and onto the future, you’ll feel better faster than you thought
possible. And you don’t have to climb Everest or anything. Your goal can be as simple as
starting to learn an instrument, or experimenting with French cooking.
This little change will allow you to blow off steam, and when you can’t get your mind
off your ex, it will give you a place to put your energy so that you don’t get drawn
back into your ex’s mind games.
After the 30 days have passed, you can begin the process of reattracting your ex. Hopefully
this time apart will allow him or her to calm down and stop all the mind games so that you’re
able to connect with them on a more honest level.
That just about does it for this video. Wondering what your ex’s intentions are? Why don’t
you leave me a comment down below and I’ll weigh in on what your next move should be.
If you’re still stuck on what to do in your particular situation, remember that I do offer
one-on-one coaching over on my website BreakupBrad.com/Coaching. Thanks for watching and I’ll see you in
my next video.