So you think your teenager is lying. I can help. You're going to learn about
what to watch for and what to do. So stay tuned and listen all the way through the
video. Lying is not cool. And why? Because it it causes problems. Lying you know is
deceiving, it's miss informed, it causes delays. It causes tension, emotion.
Can really cause a problem between relationships. Lose loss of trust. So
Lying is pretty bad. You know? And we all hope that everybody is telling us the
truth. Well, you may have a teenager in your life. And this teenager you know, not
all teenagers are this way. There are good teenagers who tell the truth, who
are honest in all their dealings and they really, really do communicate
clearly with their parents. And I know you're probably thinking, "Who has one of
those teenagers? I want one." Right? But okay, why do teenagers have such a glitch
here about telling the truth? My thoughts on this and what I've found over the
years of mentoring and coaching and teaching seminars. I've been around
literally tens of thousands of people. And then around a lot of teenagers too.
The reason why they lie is because number 1, they literally are confused.
They're confused about their identity, they're confused about what they really
want life. They get themselves into situations. They they are just being
reckless. And now, they got to cover for themselves. And because they're just so
out there and putting themselves in situations because of their reckless,
rebellious, playful... You know, messing around kind of behaviors, it gets them
into situations that really if they were responsible, they would have never
done those things. Because they don't know their level of responsibility,
they do cause a lot of problems. And now us as adults, our job is to help them
tell the truth. Now, hear me on that. We help them tell the truth. Now, people do
lie. They do. Good people lie. They tell little bits of information that's partly
correct and then they throw in something that's not correct. There's a little bit
of a liar in all of us. That there's some little part of the data or the
information that's just tweaked just a little bit. So, if you're going to come
from the stance of, "I can't believe they lie." Oh, you might want to look at
yourself and notice that you don't tell everything accurately either. But when
there's a full-on big old lie and they're really trying to get out of being
responsible or they're trying to cover something up. That really you know, that
needs to be looked at talked about and exposed. So how do you catch your
teenager lying? What are some signs? Well here's a couple that you can watch
for. So, as you're talking to your teenager and while they're in the
discussion, if they do not have that good of a contact with you, it doesn't mean
they're lying ,okay? If they're not looking at you and they're looking down,
it doesn't mean they're lying. Just be careful with that. But while they're
looking down. If they start rubbing their face or rubbing their lips or rubbing
their hands, now you want to pay very close attention to the details they're
saying. And you would be really smart to take a pad of paper and write down the
details that they're saying. A great way to catch somebody who's lying is
literally get a pad of paper, write down what they're saying because number 1,
if they see that you're writing down what they're saying, they're not going to
remember it. When the person a lie, they have to manufacture some
information that's not true. And they can't tell that information again in the
same accuracy. Because it was made up. So, they can't... So when you're writing it
down... Because now you're starting to see them rub their face, rub their lips, rub
their hands. Now, it's like, "oh something's not correct here." You get a pad of paper
and you say, "Well hold on a second. Let me I want to write some of these things
down of what you're saying." That creates intensity inside of them that now they
have to remember everything they're saying. And it's going to cause them to make
mistakes and how they're explaining what went down. So, if they're looking
down, that does not mean that they're lying. But once they start to rub their
lips or their face like their jawbone or they're rubbing their hands. When they
rub their face, they're actually trying to... They don't know it, but actually
they're trying to push and move all the blood that is rushing to their face or
from their face. So they're having a blood-supply problem. Which tells you
that they're not thinking correctly right now. There's not honesty going on.
And when they go to cover or rub their lips, they're actually wanting to say
things but they're holding back. And then because they keep auto correcting inside
of them and they keep editing it before it comes out of the mouth. So rubbing of
the face or the lips is a sign of a lot of editing happening inside. And then if
they're rubbing their hands, they're literally trying to say, "Wow, I hope I get
away with this." I hope I don't get caught. So, those are some signals to watch for.
So again, be careful on if they're looking down. Don't make your teenager
look at you. Don't force them to look at you while you're trying to sort
everything out. Let them look around. Because once you start to give them
instructions to make them look at you, now what happens is they surrender their
control themselves and they go Stone-faced. You don't want them to go stone-faced. So
don't tell them to look at you. Let them be sloppy in what they're doing. Let them
be loose with their moves so you can see what's going on with them. That's a big
mistake parents, grandparents, leaders do with teenagers as they forced them to be
in some kind of stance or position while they're talking to them and then it
gives them every right to just go stone-faced. Okay, another signal that
there's something up and they're not telling the truth is when they start
doing little coughs. And it's this nervous cough. And what's happening is
they're trying to clear their throat. Because they have what they ought to say
and then they have what they're going to say. And there's a conflict in their
throat. There's what they should say because that's the truth and then
there's what they're going to say to try to cover them up so they don't get
busted. And so this conflict causes the vocal cords to literally get irritated
and you hear this little like *coughs* like they're like something trying to clear. Or if all
something just like... They start coughing really loud. That's also the same signal.
Or if they pat their chest or rub their chest. That has to do with trying to
clear their throat. And it just tells you there's conflict happening. Now, if
they're looking at you and you're asking them to tell you the details and while
they're talking to you, their eyes go up and down, up and down, up and down. They're
making up information. If their eyes go side to side, they're listening to what
they're saying, they're trying to figure out what you're going to say about that but
for me, whenever I see somebody go up and down I know that they're going up to try
to come up with ideas they're trying to check in with how that's going to feel
after they say it. "Is this going to get me in trouble, I hope not.
What do I say. I don't know if this will work." And they're doing this up and down
like up is trying to gather the information.
Down is trying to gather what emotions should go with it. And so they're really
in the manufacturing process of what they're going to say. But when they sit
there and they look side to side, they've got a... They got a lot of talking going on
inside their head. But I don't... I don't see that as lying. When they go side to
side, it's the up and down. It's like something's not correct. Something's not
correct. If you can happen to see their feet. Now, I can't show you my feet. But
let's say, you're sitting with and they're sitting at a table with you. And
and they're turned. You know, they're like turned towards the door. And their body
is facing the door where you're over here. And but they've turned in their
seat. They are not telling all the details. Because what they're trying to
do is they're trying to give you the smallest bit of information possible and
the body facing the door says, "I am out of here to get away from you as soon as
possible." So that means if they happen to be facing towards you and even if
they're not looking but they're facing towards you, they're being upfront with
you. So, if but if they're turned, coughing, looking down, rubbing their face, this...
They're busted. There's so much they're doing that they're not telling you. So
those are some signals to watch for. But remember, remember... Have a pad of paper,
write down what they're saying and after they explain the story of everything
that happened and you've written down some details, move the paper, cover up the
notes and say, "I know you told me what happened. But I want you to tell me again
what happened." Wnd you will see them light up like, "What do you mean I have to
tell you again?" "Yeah, why don't you go ahead and just tell me again what
happened?" And don't let them see your notes. You know, cover them up or have
something else over them so they can't see it. And then you
have a pad of paper. And you can either draw a column down the middle and this
is the first version of the story. And now here's the second version of the
story. And have them tell the story again and watch the movements. And notice what
details come out and what details don't come out. Compare the 2 stories and
have them be accountable for the differences between the 2 stories. And
because now you've asked a second time, because that's happened the second time,
you'll notice well you'll be able to see the differences but you'll notice on the
second time, at the end of their way of explaining the story, you'll see them go
"Okay, I got through that." Then what you do is go grab your spouse or go grab
somebody else and have them come in and go, "Okay, I want you to tell them what
happened." You still have your notes. BBut now that
you've introduced a second person, it changes the dynamics. And if they are
telling the truth, the details will come out similar to what they've already told
you. If they're not telling the truth, that new person and the dynamics of a
new person will throw them off. And you'll see a great big difference on the
third time. Now, why do we have to go through all this? Because we want to get
to the truth, right? And we're trying to help them tell the truth. We're trying to
help them be more accountable and responsible. But we do this process or we
pay attention to these moves so that we can help them see that telling the truth
is better than telling lies. Because you know a person who lies is going to pay
a bigger price. And they're going to have more problems in life than a person who
is honest. So we do this because we care about them. We do this because we want
everybody to be safe and we want to be able to have trust. We want to be able to
communicate and know that you can count on them. And if you happen to have a
teenager who is lying, please don't write them off as they're
terrible. They just need course-correcting. And you be confident enough to
course-correct. And if they keep lying to you, don't write them off as bad.
Teenagers today need help. They're under a lot of pressure,
they don't understand themselves and social media and so many other things
have messed with their head enough. They're a little confused on the inside.
In fact, they're a lot confused and so their stories don't always reveal all
the details. So care enough to know that you can make a difference in helping
course-correct them. So, I hope this has been helpful and stay away from being
judgmental and critical. Be helpful be supportive and help them expose all the
details. For you to be better as sensing and finding the truth in other people,
what you can do is actually be better at how your mind functions.
And I like to train people about how to clear out the negativity in their mind
so that they can be more sensitive to others. And if they're telling the truth
or not. You see the more you get out of your head, anything that can be
distracting, you can pick up on truth. And also lies. So down here below, there's a
link. And if you click this link, I have a training course for you. Super affordable
training course. That's going to help you master your
thoughts. Because if you can master your thoughts, you can perceive other people
at a higher level. Click the link below, check it out see if it's for you. And
really, if you do take the course, you're going to notice you can hear notice and
feel other people's truth and you can also hear think and feel about what
they're telling that's not true. Sure helps protect yourself if you're
around people you just don't tell the truth. It helps.
So Master Your Thoughts so that you can be supportive of others. So click the
link. Check it out. Before you go, also click Subscribe.