struggling with self-worth learn how to overcome that
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Damon here with NLP Gym. Self-worth is bullshit before i get into that if
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ok this was a huge revelation to me and it all started when I had a conversation
with a close friend of mine and by the way if you surround yourself around
people are you view if you surround yourself with people who tell you what
you want to hear and to agree with basically whatever you say you're just
gonna go along with it get rid of those people go find people who will tell you
what they see doesn't mean they're always right but help you find people
who you know the difference between when they are speaking from their agenda and
when they're speaking from just telling you honestly what they see in you and
good feedback
I as much as possible I surround myself around these types of people who are
just very honest and you know it's hard to really separate your own agenda
sometimes so you have to be clear that everybody has their own agenda everybody
has their own self-interest is nothing wrong with that you want to find people
who usually separate that and then again you don't have to necessarily believe
their feedback they're just telling you from their perspective what they see
find people like that and surround yourself with them and make sure that
there are people who are at least successful in the kind of way that you
want to be successful
it's amazing to me how many people take advice from people who are not
successful in any way in the area where they're asking for advice
bad idea so find good people find successful people i'm sure you've heard
that saying you are the sum total who you of the people the five people you
spend the most time with it even if it's not true it's at least eighty percent
true
ok so I'm talking to his friend of mine and I'm struggling with something and he
says you know what you know what this all boils down to Damon is like I've
known you for eight years and I know you well and I've seen you struggle with the
same thing as far as I've known you and that is your self-worth he said you go
out and you accomplish these things you set your mind to something you focus on
it like a laser and bam you get the results and then you're off to to go
conquer something else or prove yourself in some other way and it's it's really
about
he said it's really about you trying to prove yourself and maybe you do get a
sense of that he said but it doesn't seem to generalize overall i'm hearing
these words and I'm thinking he's right now it would have been easy for me to
get angry and say no that's not what i'm doing but he was right that's exactly
what I've been doing I've been running from challenge to challenge trying to
prove myself and there's no there seems to be no in there seems to be no end in
sight so I checked in with one of my mentors Steve andreas and asked him how
i could go about resolving this and he said go to my book six blind elephants
volume 2 page 43 read to page fifty that was his prescription of course i
read further than that because what i read blew my mind
steve has a lot of work out there and I've mainly been focusing on it the
self-concept model with transforming yourself but he's got so much else out
there and it's incredible work and basically what it comes down to is
whoever put this idea in your head that you aren't worthy or you weren't
deserving were born into this world as babies and as you know as most of us
know babies make know they have no doubt about what they want and what they need
and they have no problems declaring their presence vocally or otherwise and
animals are the same way like do you ever see an animal showing any sort of
doubt about its deserving to eat or two to live on this earth or anything like
that so if babies don't do it and animals don't do it
why are you doing it and what it comes down to is that someone in our lives to
use their parents are other adults keep sending this message that somehow the
negates us and Steve refers to it as a negation a negation of part are all of
us basically saying you don't belong you don't deserve this and that can come out
and various other words but in this in that sense it's a negation of who you
are a part of who you are and I can vividly remember this coming through my
parents and not not that they meant to do that but it just came through both
non-verbally and verbally and this creates that struggle and most of a
struggle with this i like to say there are people who struggle with self worth
and everyone else just lies about it there are some people who do not
struggle with itself with self-worth as far as i can tell my friend who was
talking to me and giving me this feedback he is one of those people is a
rare creature and that I don't detect any trace of him struggling with
self-worth and he says the same thing he just doesn't have it he notices in other
people and he's he's kinda confounded by it like why would you not be deserving
of all the success that you want to have in your life and some people guard to
the point where they don't even feel like they deserve just a normal things
in life like a roof over the head food money a good-paying wage and education
back to where this comes from though it usually comes from adults adults can
even come from other kids I remember feeling that way whenever Kid other kids
would want to play with me and there's that feeling of not long ago I don't
deserve this or I didn't work hard enough forward and with Steve suggest is
getting in touch with those messages that are coming through us now because
we hear that and we hear that is usually a voice to hit not for everybody but a
lot of us and it's voices saying you don't belong you don't deserve this
whatever it says getting in touch with that in realizing that's really not you
creating that message that was a communication from an adult are many
adults or whoever
and it said it it really spoke to the the limitation of the adults who was
communicating it not the child that heard it say that again is very very
important when those communications are coming through you about deserving and
not deserving about being worthy or not worthy
those are messages that were talked to you are told to you when you were a
child by an adults are adults and it said more about the limitations of the
adults are adults than the child who heard them heard these messages
Wow when i read that it just blew my mind and it made me have to reassess and
reevaluate all that I've been thinking of and here's the thing to a lot of us
go out trying to please other people and that's how we get a sense of self-worth
this can become a real problem though because that's not really self-worth
that's others worth this is Steve writes about this in the book as well so if
you're chasing others worth and everybody wants something a little bit
different in your trying to please everybody
well let me just step back and say you know you can't please everybody and
pleasing one person might displease another so that's not going to work
either because at some point no matter how many people you try to please
somebody is not going to be happy with you and then it sort of destroys this
whole worth by the others are others worth so that's not going to work either
so what do we do what do we do about that's how do we how do we overcome this
he gives a few suggestions and I'm not gonna go into all of them
Steve suggest that just making the negation clear is primarily what you
need to do you need to realize this negation I that it comes from the these
messages from other people
it wasn't about you it was about them and when you come to that realization
then it doesn't become an issue of worthiness are deserving and not
deserving you return to your original place of that those things not even
being factors in your life
it's on it's not even an issue of whether or not you deserve or not
deserve or that you're worthy or not worthy
those are just concepts that we took on and and upon understanding that you can
just let it go now he doesn't mention some you just make some suggestions in
the book I highly recommend you read it its page 43 to page 50 read those pages
at least it's worth buying the book just to read those seven pages but there's
tons of other great stuff in it
the other thing he does mention is Core Transformation and that is coming
up
september 16 17 and 18 here in santa cruz Steve's son Mark will be teaching
that it was created by his wife Connirae if you're struggling with issues
of self-worth and just that realization alone of the negation of who you are and
that it really wasn't about you it's about the person communicating it to you
if you struggle with that and just that realization alone isn't doing it for you
core transformation is a great option you mentioned in the book
it's a great process to use to overcome these issues and you're going to use the
issue of self-worth that pain and suffering to create ultimate self-worth
which is that it doesn't even study the issue of self-worth
it's not even an issue of deserving or not deserving so read the book try to
try out that realization try out some of the exercises in the book and I'd love
to hear back from you feel free to leave a comment here under this video check
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yeah