(upbeat music)
- [Zainab] Please, have it.
- [Narrator] We might assume that all Americans
use the toilet the same way I do,
totally naked.
But we don't actually know
because no one ever talks about it.
- Comfortable?
- Absolutely.
- So you don't have to take your pants down or anything,
but we do want you to show us
your own personal toilet technique.
And we want to start with you
placing the toilet paper on the roll.
- [Sammy] First, we dig into the particulars of TP.
- Oh, this is very important to me.
It always goes,
facing out.
Always.
- Over. - Over.
- Is that your personal preference?
- [Human 57] Yes.
- Oh, is there a reason for that?
- Well, you can reach it way easier than if it's under.
(jolly music)
- Do you have a preference?
- I don't care.
My wife cares, so that's why I do it that way.
- I used to have it like this
and then people told me I was a monster
for doing it that way.
- It's gotta be under. - Okay.
- Yeah, over is weird.
- It has to be under.
- You want to snag, you don't want to drag.
I don't trust anybody that drags.
- Could you show us how you would wipe?
- [Narrator] Next up,
is there a standard post toilet cleansing technique?
Otherwise known as the wipe?
(laughing)
(jaunty music)
Go on, fella, give it a wipe.
(breathing heavily)
- How else, like, go (fart noise).
- Inhale and then exhale.
- Like here and back?
- Boom.
- Pchhew.
- So just like, the booty.
Done.
- Because of piercings, I definitely do front to back.
- [Alie] Okay.
- And you have to be particularly careful.
- Wipe and drop it.
- And when you wipe is that a front to back?
- Back to front.
- [Narrator] Fun fact, human number 33
was one of the only back-to-front wipers.
Thank God.
- Yeah.
- [Human 70] Front to the back.
- [Zainab] To back. - [Human 70] Right.
- [Zainab] Okay.
- Keep the trash out of the playhouse.
- [Sammy] To determine whether or not
a man's dance skills have any correlation
with his level of virility,
we'll be extracting their sperm into what science refers to
as a cup.
- [Zainab] In our quest to determine if the male dancers
are also packing the most baby-making juice,
these ten fearless humans have volunteered
to compete in a dance-off
in front of our thirsty, thirsty, humans.
(upbeat music)
- Let's welcome B to the stage.
(crowd cheering)
(funky upbeat music)
(crowd cheering)
- Let's hear it for Human B.
(crowd cheering)
- [Zainab] They say boxers should avoid spanking it
before a match.
Does the same hold for dancing?
- Make it loud for Human C.
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat music)
- [Zainab] Some might call that dancing,
but I call it air sex.
(crowd cheering)
- C was definitely sexy.
I don't know, maybe he has some other part-time job.
- [Zainab] Dancer C is giving his all,
maybe he's carrying a full tank.
(crowd cheering)
- He learned that somewhere.
- [Zainab] Break dancing, or whatever you wanna call that,
is really working for our horny humans.
Sounds like his potency could be off the charts.
- [Announcer] Human G.
(rap music)
Human H.
(crowd cheering)
(cheering intensifies)
- When I was younger I did go to clubs,
but I never saw anything like that in the clubs.
- [Announcer] Human I.
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat techno music)
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat techno music continues)
(crowd cheering)
- Sperm count dancing party. - Ohh.
- I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm. - Sperm count dancing party.
- I'm swimming. - [Alie] Whoo.
- But no really, what are the results?
- We had some hot dancers, right?
(crowd cheering)
All right, now for the sperm counts.
- [Audience member] Yeah!
- Starting at the lowest,
we had one dancer who had a sperm count of zero.
- [Crowd] Ohh!
- So by our theory,
he should have rated as the worst dancer.
So was he?
(upbeat music)
(water bubbling)
- [Crowd] Ohh.
- Yes,
yes he was.
It was dancer B.
Lowest dance score and lowest reproductive potency.
- [Audience Member] Wow.
- So if our theory does hold true,
then the best dancer, has the highest sperm count.
So, that means that dancer I should have a packed house.
So, does he?
(water bubbling )
- [Crowd] Oh!
- The dancer with the highest sperm count
was actually dancer F,
with 202 million swimmers.
Hi humans.
- [Crowd] Hi.
- Do you guys think you have a good sense of smell?
- [Crowd] Yes.
- Okay, do you think that you can tell the difference
between the way an old person smells
and a young person?
- [Crowd] Yes.
(laughing)
- Okay well, let's see if you can.
- [Crowd] Okay.
- Are you ready?
- [Crowd] Yes.
- Oh, you have a scent.
- [Zainab] What's the scent?
- [Human 06] The scent is oldness.
- [Zainab] Okay. - [Human 06] No offense.
- [Sammy] As we see yet another gratuitous armpit close up,
let's pause to wonder.
Do old people have a particular scent
and how far will we go to find out?
- They all have like a similar scent.
It's like, I want to say, like a garage.
- [Sammy] Sadly, science cares not
for the feelings of its subjects.
- [Woman] Someone has B.O.
- Okay.
- [Women] Right around here. - [Zainab] Okay.
- I smell pickle kind of smell.
That smells pleasant.
- So that's your first room.
We're off to the next.
- [Human 31] All right.
Smells really good in here.
- Mmm, I like the way this one smells.
- [Zainab] Okay.
(laughter) - Smells like a store.
- [Zainab] Any store in particular?
- Um, that girly store that's like one-size-fits-all.
I think these are the young people.
- Can you tell us why?
- I just smell life and exuberance and freshness.
- Okay, can you describe to me what life smells like?
- Life smells like fresh skin that's like, plump.
- [Zainab] Okay, Let's see if you're right.
- Yeah? - [Zainab] Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi young people!
I knew it, I knew it!
- [Sammy] These results do not give us
the conclusive answers
our rigorous scientific method requires.
Clearly we need to ramp up the funk factor
in each of these rooms.
Once our humans have broken a sweat,
will our humans be able to smell the difference
between the rooms?
- I'm gonna walk you very close
to some other human being.
(sniffing)
- Smells like hot dogs.
- Okay.
- This one smells like vanilla, like some cookies.
- Okay, let's see if we could get the whole menu.
- Mangoes.
- Okay, so remember those smells.
We're gonna go into another room,
okay? - Okay.
Cornbread.
- Are you sure you're smelling and just not hungry?
- I might be hungry.
(Zainab laughs)
- Who you think is in this room?
- I think the older people are in this room.
(ding)
(crowd cheering)
- Yeah, I noticed as I'm getting older
I smell a little different. - [Zainab] Okay.
- So, I aint trying to judge. - [Zainab] Okay.
- Sometimes I'm like hmm.
(laughing)
- [Sammy] Well, our first post-sweat human sense of smell
was on the nose.
(sniffing)
- It's an older crowd in here.
- [Crowd] Yay! - What's up gang?
- Young people.
(group cheering)
- Older room?
Oh. - [Group] Yay!
- We all have unconscious biases.
We can actually look at the human brain
and we can see that the brain itself operates differently
when it's looking at people from different social groups.
- So people are bad.
(laughing)
- No.
- I appreciate your thorough, highly conscious response,
but you can tell us, people are bad.
Tap your foot once if people are bad, maybe just let-
- Well, let's put it this way. - Yeah.
- I'm with it to this extent,
some people have a stigma,
let's say that age is one of their,
the burdens that they feel like they're carrying,
they may hold that against somebody.
So just having somebody who looks like you, represent you
doesn't mean that they won't also be biased against you.
Even blacks are discriminating against blacks
or women discriminate against women.
Stereotypes are well learned stats of associations
that are established in our memory from a very early age.
- Hey, human number 22.
Well, you look very enthusiastic,
thank you. - Thank you.
- So welcome to the party.
Today we're doing an experiment on intuitive matchmaking.
We're trying to find out
if men or women make better matchmakers.
- [Alie] That's actually not what we're trying to find out.
What human 22 doesn't realize
is that these six people in front of him
are already couples in real life.
So let's see if he can ask the right questions
to match the right mates.
- [Sammy] What we're gonna do is,
you can ask each one, one question.
And based on their responses,
you're going to be putting them in these hearts
as potentially-compatible couples.
- What do you think is the most valuable trait in a partner?
- Uh, valuable trait, a connection.
- [Sammy] Ask a question for Louis.
- On a scale of 1 to 10,
how important is verbal communication?
- I'd rate it nine.
- Does your partner have to be physically active as well?
- No.
- [Alie] Has he asked the right questions?
Does he really know these people?
- All right.
My man, we're gonna put you
over here in heart number three
and your lucky lady, number three.
I'm gonna put you right here.
And we're going to put you right here in heart one,
come on over here in heart one.
And we're going to put you over here.
- All right number 22.
So explain to us what made you make these choices?
- I tried to pair like, interests as best that I could.
- Sure, now what would you say if I told you
that all six of these individuals are already
in a relationship with each other?
- I would say that that makes some sense.
(laughing)
- Couples, was he right?
- [Group] No.
- On one of them.
- Oh, I got one? - Us.
(grunting)
(group laughing)
- Awesome.
- [Sammy] So why don't you show us the true couples here?
- [PJ] You got the straight couple right.
- Oh.
- [Alie] That's right,
only one couple in our group is heterosexual.
The point of this experiment is actually to determine
whether our humans will make the default assumption
that the participants in front of them are straight.
- [Human 22] So great.
- [Sammy] One out of three , not bad.
So Christian and Jason are engaged.
Luis and Karina have been dating for a year
and PJ and Jana are married.
- Interesting.
- [Sammy] So what have you learned from this?
- I need to look at the world in different perspective,
cause I kind of look at it through my scope.
I'm a heterosexual male, so my automatic first thought was
okay, well let's put guys with girls.
- Yay!
(group laughing)
- There you go number 2.
- Awesome.
You know, what's weird is I'm queer and for whatever reason,
I went the hetero way and didn't even-
(group laughing)
Like, I don't know why.
That's very odd, yeah.
But that's awesome.
And you guys are all cute couples.
- [Alie] We put human after human, after human
through the experiment, all with the same results.
I got em all wrong?
- [Sammy] Well, did she?
- [Group] Yes.
- Oh,
okay!
- [Zainab] Will the type of music our humans listened to
effect their willingness to take risks?
Our theory is humans listening to happy music
will be more likely to allow a cool guy in a vest
to throw an insanely sharp knife
near inches from their thing face.
Our first subject is Human number 48
who just spent an hour listening to happy music.
- [Sammy] Hello number 48.
- Hello.
- Please watch this demonstration.
(knife hitting board)
(suspenseful music)
(knife hitting board)
(laughs) - Okay.
- So this is Jack Dagger.
- Hi Jack.
- He's a professional knife thrower.
- I can see that.
- So would you be willing to stand in for his next throw?
- You promise you won't hit me.
- Well, I do have a 99% success rating.
- Okay, well those are good, those are good odds.
- [Sammy] Those are good numbers.
- I can't complain. - 99.
- All right, well let's do it.
My life's in your hands, so please don't fail.
All right Human 48 step up.
- Okay. - Great.
- Okay.
Okay.
Oh my God.
(suspenseful music intensifying)
- [Sammy] Mr. Dagger, you're clear to throw the knife.
(suspenseful music continues)
(music intensifying)
(screaming)
Now, please watch this demonstration.
- Okay.
(knife hits board)
- So, would you be willing to stand in on his next throw?
(laughing)
- No.
I would say the knives were very sharp
and that's all I needed to know.
Not coming close to me.
- Jack is a professional knife thrower.
- Awesome.
- [Zainab] Human number 22 seems to be
in a particularly good mood and it makes sense.
Mere moments ago, he was dancing on his chair.
Will hearing that happy music
make him more willing to risk his life?
- So would you be willing to step in?
- Oh yeah, let's do it.
Absolutely.
- [Zainab] Fire me up, Jack Dagger.
(knife hits board)
Both of humans are totally into Jack's dagger,
but how far will they go
to feel the cool touch of his blade?
Are they willing to risk it all?
- Would you be willing to stand in for his next throw?
- Okay.
- What are you crazy?
You want me?
No. - [Sammy] Yes or no?
No, thank you.
Despite each professing a powerful animal attraction
to Jack Dagger and his vest,
their ultimate decisions differed
according to the music they listened to.
(slow romantic music)
- That's all we need to do.
- Oh. - Yeah.
- [Jack] Okay. - [Sammy] That'll be fine.
- [Jack] Yep.
- And this is I think, a really, really important insight
and that we think that if we just
dangle money in front of people, they'll perform better.
That's true in some cases, but for creative tasks,
it's actually less true than we believe.
We do things because they bring us psychological pleasure.
They help us grow.
And that experiment you guys did
was a really, really great example of that.
- So, dangling money in front of a person,
less effective than asking them just to have fun?
- Yes.
- How does it explain strip clubs?
(upbeat music)